Starting anew.

It is time to close this blog. I have decided that I have higher intentions for a blog aside from just using it to vent. I know no one reads this, but its more of a close out for me. I shall print it out and keep it in leiu of a journal... but it is time to start a new one on a different platform - a lighter one. A more faith-driven, brighter place to be. So we bid adieu to scribble letters... I no longer feel so alone.. this time I shall write to the world. Namaste.

Time to get it in gear!

So its time to get my butt in gear. I have set a goal that by June 2014, I will have my bookkeepers license. Which means that I will need to go find my materials and get to studying starting tonight. One thing I learned over the past year is to never start something big when you're pregnant. I was technically supposed to get my license by Dec 2012... but guess who was 3 months pregnant and exhausted and puking the entire time? Yeahhhh.... Its now or never.

I need to generate extra income anyways, and I want to be able to work from home or a small office. I love my job right now, and I dont plan to leave it until I am debt free and then can generate enough revenue from working from home to cover expenses.

I need to think up a name for my business tho.. Sometimes I wonder why I didnt get into hair and makeup like I had intended to years ago... perhaps I just dont care enough. Or photography... I used to love photography. But some how I settled on finances. Interesting.

Well, I gotta do something. And Ive got to do it fast. I had the option and still do to change jobs to a higher paying salary with benefits and vacation pay... but the work is drudgery. So I am torn between doing a job that is very forgiving with awesome co workers and less pay and no bene's, or more pay and a miserable workload. I dont know. I dont ever want to be in the position of dreading my life again just because of my job.

I suppose I will have to pray about it. More money would be nice. But a happy mama is even better.

Tomorrow, tomorrow....

One day I hope to have a job where I dont feel like a complete failure. I am almost 30 and yet I still feel like the naive 19 year old who just got her first job. I feel like everyone else has so much more experience than i do and that im just that kid who works here. when in reality I think I do more than anyone here. And i dont mean like my boss who works 28 hours a day... i mean i can do a lot of things. I dont know. Some day s i feel as though i just am not competent. Like my mind is slipping and im not that smart anymore. I want people to come to me for help or advice. I hate constantly being the one who needs answers. I may be 28 in body but i feel like everyone else perceives me as the wet behind the ears just gradutaed high school kid. I wonder if other people feel that way.

I am hoping I get a new desk soon. It will be nice to have a better organizational system. And it will be nice to sleep through the night. I think that is a little of my problems. Plus the holidays didnt help. So much going on. And then my boss wants to hire employees and make me one - which is fine - however its been over a year since I have done any HR... trying to get my head back around what I used to do. Not to mention he gave us 2 weeks to get any of this done. Which ive got the legal stuff done, I just now have to remmeber how on earth to do payroll correctly and which taxes I do. It is slowly coming back to me. Some days I really wish that I drank and that I really actually liked wine.

I am excited for this year tho! I am going to get organized and back in shape! To the gym every lunch break and Ive got a system that is starting to work out in my benefit for staying organized at my desk. And I have discovered that a red bull in the morning means that I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more productive. Unlike today. I was productive for a streak of about 3 hours. And now look where I'm at.

I cant wait to get home and just sit. I'd like to cry a little, but I wont. I dont have time lol. It doesnt help I didnt write down a to do list today either, so I was being very sporadic today. Ugh....I would like a margarita.

Here's to tomorrow and red bull - I will get shit done!

A note on productivity

When was the last time i blogged?Oh well. Im not going to pretend that i will keep this up... so far this is just the fastest outlet i have. I think i am going to start a hand written journal anyways...

I need to be productive today. And technically I have all the ingredients for a productive day.... I got 8 hours of sleep, ate breakfast, had 2 cups of caffeine...and yet i could have slept another 8 hours and just want to slug out on the couch watching Rick Steves all day long.

I have so much to do at work. I have been terribly lazy though. I have only been doing the bare minimum when in actuality I have enough to keep be busy for the solid 8 hours I am here. I do blame lack of sleep definetly. And that my back is out which is hurting like crazy so that makes me cranky and tired.

But I do remember that after I blogged every morning in previous work places I always was more productive because I got my thoughts out on "paper".

I wish i had as much motivation at work as I do at home. Ive already made a plan for Saturday to clean and finish some projects that are needing it. Cant wait!!

Zac got a job offer.. its not one that he has to make up his mind on by some deadline... Personally I dont care if he takes it or not... totally up to him. I just keep thinking that if he took it then  I would be home... how weird that would be!! In our marriage I have not worked for a total of 2 months not counting maternity leave. I remember when we were first married, I had gotten laid off and zac was working his lawn care business... I took a wednesday and pretended I was a stay at home wife and how good that felt. lol!! I think I was all of 19 then... and then the next weeek I had a job.

Ive always been fortunate that way, there have always been job oppportunities for me. I am thankful for the one I have although I wish that I would get a raise soon... I suppose that means I need to get my butt in gear and start being productive :)

I wish caffeine was not only a wake up tool, but a motivational tool as well. I got a free ebook sent to me from Tony Robbins... wonder if that would have any motivational crap. I would hope so since that is his job.

I thought about starting up a n

Ok well that is all i have for right now. Going to go be productive today!! Ya!

I hate Idaho. Please shoot me if we ever have to move back to this God forsaken place. I hate Idaho and all of the stress it brings and all it reminds me of. I love seeing my parents and inlaws...but thats it. It makes me cynical, sarcastic and overall bitchy. I feel like binge drinking or smoking something to just remove myself from these feelings. Praise God we moved...  I hate Idaho.

Time Flies

My how time flies!! My last post was in Sept... it is now beginning of November... quite a bit has happened. I finally got my issue resolved - I got a new job!! And I LOVE it! It is such a better atmosphere than my last place - not to mention I get paid more (and on time I might add). And unfortunatly, my last boss sure didnt make it real hard for me to make my decision to leave. But that is a different story for another time.

I wonder if Blogger is ever going to give me the option to print every post I write at one time. This is going to suck if I have to go to each and every post.

I will write more later - I am actually in the middle of something... back later.

Lord, help me through this day.

It is definitely not a bad day... i just still feel defeated. And I am unsure how to stop feeling it. Its like once I feel this way then my motivation goes kaput. I keep getting told that one of my strengths is resiliency. Does it count if you are faking it? I have learned over the years that in the workplace one must smile and nod to keep their job... and now what used to be called acting is now called being "resilient". I think it needs to start raining. My disposition always improves when the weather turns.

I dont have a title for this one...

I have found the best radio station ever - Country Hymns!! Its a lovely station of classic hymns sung by country singers in a down-south way... I love it.

It is helping me get through the day anyways...I am still quite frustrated with my situation, now for more than one reason...but I know that God has something in the works and I just have to be patient.

I know I shouldnt be complaining, but I am human after all and I just cant stuff my emotions away. I know God is with me and working away... but I cant help but feel disgruntled at the same time.

Zac is out of town this week...we had a family friend pass away last week, so he went down to the funeral. . So this week it is me, Peepers and my sister who is babysitting while Im being frustrated at work. I miss my husband. I need a hug! Plus the house is just too quiet without him. AND he gets to play with about 14 baby kitties!! SO NOT FAIR :)

I want a kitten so bad... I wish he could mail two of them up here lol. Plus they are great company. I really miss Stinky.. but I know he is much happier on the ranch. I just feel discouraged, disgruntled, frustrated and I just want my husband to hold me. >P

On a good note, however, and I cant say too much right now...but an opportunity has made itself known today and I am going to pounce on it and see where it gets me. Hopefully it will get me out of these current feelings.

How many times can I say "frustrated" in one post...

Im frustrated. Very frustrated. A situation has arisen that I want to take advantage of but there is a large chunk of my day standing in my way. which means I will have to forfiet teaching on of MY ballet classes to a teacher that is a great performer... but hardly a teacher. im so dam frustrated. I am trying to get the scheduler to try to work in somehting... but im also in school and have a family so i had to cut my hours way back from the theater and so now im limited on what i can teach. how freakin frusterating.

i know that htere are some changes in the air...and i know that i need to be patient and trust the Lord. I do wholeheartedly, but I just get so frustrated sometimes because I keep thinking I know what but I know that the Lord knows even better.

I am currently working on being content and trying not to be jealous and trying just in general not to stuff so much away that I explode. And to have enough grace to smile and nod and get through it. God help me.

random again

In recent news - I just passed my 1st accounting exam with 100%!!! Ive got many more to go before the final certification and the national test...but im taking my victories where I can :)

My inlaws are here - good to see them - we have a full house... but thankfully our EBT kicked in the day they got here - so I am praising the Lord and my guides and the universe and stuff for the monetary help :)

I am really really praying hard for a new opportunity to arise... I know it will show up at the right time...but I hate playing the waiting game. But I know that with faith that we will be fine.

This day is flying. I cant believe it is almost lunch time. I got our finances finally in QB and thankfully it looks like we've been better at not spending money since july..wish i could have said the same for the rest of the year... but oh well.. live and learn and move forward.

had the best dream of living in paris... i miss france so much. i wish it werent so far away. i was alwyas jealous of all my friends there that the rest of europe was so close and so cheap to travel to. i wsh zac would agree to trying to move there.. but he wont. he is hell bent on alaska..and im ok with that too...although im pretty sure you cant get crepes and gateaux in petersburg...plus france is so far awya from family.

Im tired. i thoguht i slept well.. apparently not.

i could have stayed in bed all day and savored my dream... instead i got up a little later than i intended and had to wolf down my breakfast in 2 minutes and go to work.

ok - thats all the randomness for now - and yes... i know my spelling is sloppy..

Let go and Let God

Days like today make me wonder if I am going crazy. As of late there have been many prayers and as of yesterday I finally came to a decision on an issue that Ive been pondering for a couple months. My husband was so wonderful and listened and heard me out on everything and was there to help comfort me and talk me through my issue - i love him so much!!...but my stress bled over into my dreams, which made me slightly stressed upon awakening. And I suppose it doesnt help that this week at work, well, since friday, has been hellishly busy AND my I havent been getting the help or the work ethic out of a certain person that I sorely need this week. I guess I just am feeling slightly overwhelmed. Well, maybe a little more than slightly. I just really need a hug.

I know it will help when i eat something for lunch.it always does. I know too that i need to just give it to God and let Him and the universe do their magic. Although I will say that albeit the small amount of stress, it is nice to have my mind made up.

Man I am horrible at keeping a journal apparently! LOL .... I skipped a whole month.

Anywho...I suppose I am mainly using it as a place to vent when necessary...Im tired today... which is different than most days. Mr. Peepers has been getting me up at 5:45am for the past 2 weeks bright eyed and bushy tailed. And Zac and I have had some awesome discussions lately that has taken us past 11pm (but I love it!) so part of this is my fault for not going to bed on time...(which is usually in bed by 9:30...theoretically asleep by 10). The other reason for my tiredness today is that my office is finishing up construciton...we did some build outs...and so to finish they are painting the entire office. And there are no windows that open. Just a recycled air system... So I am sinusy and I lost my voice from the fumes...which I think on top of not getting enough sleep has made me feel like crapola. ANNNNND....here's the kicker... 2 wednesdays ago, I went on a week long sugar and caffeine fast. And it stuck. It was only meant to be a week...but now I really can only stomach small amounts of sugary stuff and I have really no desire for caffeine. Pop just tastes weird now...wayyyy to sweet...plus being off the caffeine I noticed a HUGE difference in the texture and coloring of my skin. I finally have the porcelain look again..and NO REDNESS or blotchy ness - I havent had that since High School. Im very very happy about that :)

I think what I am the most happy about though is that I was able to stick it out for a week and it unintentionally took. I feel better... Overall I have more energy...even in my tired slumps I am finding that I am less tired without caffeine than with. Plus my kidneys are feeling better... I havent had any achiness ...

This Saturday starts my summer break from teaching... I will miss it because I love teaching...but I am happy for the break. I will have a couple private studies to keep my in shape but I am really looking forward to being able to either sleep in on Saturdays or just take off and go somewhere. I will be back teaching in the fall so I plan to take full advantage of it! Plus it will give me time to start up my business and get my first certification exam out of the way.

Ok I have to go actually work now...

Another one of THOSE days

Some days I wonder how I am able to do it all. I am a wife, a mom, a choreographer, a dance teacher, a mentor, a bookkeeper, and office mother, the office manager, the in-house nurse, and the list goes on. When things run smoothly, I love it. When some tiny thing tweaks my lifestyle, I dont like parts of it so much.

Today I was doing fine until being patronized like I was 5 years old. It, I am sorry to say, has thrown my attitude in the pits and now I am stewing. And it is really difficult for me to stop stewing because of my growing irritation. It certainly does not help that I am hungry..

I hate it wehn people make me feel stupid. Then I REALLY dont want to do anything for them. Its like, I do sooo freakin much for you and you treat me this way? I may as well dye my hair blonde and get implants and just sit and look pretty all day for how much you just made me feel worth. I know there are scriptural verses that will contradict my feelings, but I also know that God made us to have feelings and I dont think that it is abnormal to stew. So I am going to sit and stew over a cup of tea and wait for it to fizzle out. It always does...and I've found that it is healthier for me to sit and actually feel than to do what comes naturally which is to bottle it up.

I got a card that has a plan to read the Book of Mormon in 6 months. I want to for the sake of doing it. Plus I've never actually gotten through the entire thing. There is some part of me that wants to. But then the other half does not want to for a few reasons that I will not go into on this blog.

So I went to lunch just now...I feel slightly better aside from the fact that i am still hungry. I am trying to lose 10 pounds and I really just want a guacamole bacon burger from Red Robin...but instead I had pepperoni, cheese 3 stalks of peanut butter and celery and some tea. Dinner better be awesome. Which I know it will be...Z always makes amazing food. I wonder if we have the stuff for Pad Thai...

Ok I am done venting.

Busy Busy Busy. March was defenetly the month of overload. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown all of march. I had to physically sit down and write out everyhting I am responsible for in my life and wheedle it down to the necessities because my life has just been getting to be too much like SuperWoman's. I am not SuperWoman by the way...just in case you were wondering. I gave it a shot...and all it got me was stressed out and having my boss ask if I needed to cut back my hours...(which yes..I would love to...but I'd need to get paid more to compensate for it)

And then I re-discovered a lovely blog by Glynnis Whitwer... and she had this great series of posts on clutter. I have been plagued by house clutter for awhile now and it really started bothering me lately. So thanks to her, I started getting my house in order. I started a cleaning schedule - which I've stuck to- and it feels sooooo much better. But the even better part of it was that in that series was also posts on how to de-clutter your mind and stuff. Which I needed. I am so overloaded with information and things to do that it broke me down to the point of forgetting some really important things and becoming disgruntled, complacent and lazy.

But now thanks to Glynnis - and yes I am giving her full credit for this - I have 3 organized closets, a cleaning schedule that is being used (my kitchen has stayed clean for 3 days in a row!!), my son has a clean room, I have 2 spotless and mopped bathrooms and I am able to sit on my couch and relax at night before bed in a clean living room and just veg in bliss. I am still organizing and stuff, but already in 3 days it has been miraculous.

So now that my home life and therefore my brain is being restored from the crazyness...now I am focusing on work. I bought a planner/todo notebook..it has been really helping me. Aside from the fact that now I see how busy I actually am.

And on that note I really need to get back to work. Hope yours is good!

This spoke to me today...

There once was a city divided in two by a big wall. People on both sides hated those who lived on the opposite side. One night they decided to gather all the trash they could find on their side and threw it over the wall - leaving a mound of garbage for their neighbors to wake up to.

The next morning the recipients of the garbage held a meeting and devised a plan. That night they gathered beautiful things and threw them over the wall. Flowers and anything beautiful they could find were piled in a heap on the other side. And above the mound of beautiful things they hung a note that said: "Each man gives what he has.”

Warning: Free Range Zombies

I am a zombie today. I have accomplished nothing aside from some form of zombie-ish hospitality welcoming trainee's into the Supervisor Boot Camp and taking testers back to the testing room while giving them a haphazard shpiel on how to take the stupid thing. Today I started dotting my "O's" instead of my "I's". (True story. I cant write today either.)

Here's how today is going down....

• Random anxiety attack at 4am woke me up...tried to drift back to sleep
• 5:15 am....woke up to a teeny eyes and teeny nose staring at me point blank whispering "mom-mom...drink pease...mom-mom...meeeeeuuuulllk..."
• 5:15am-6:30am...laid down on Peepers bed for awhile then got dressed and ate breakfast
• 6:30am-7:15am...quick trip to WalMart and Winco for food for the training 
• 7:15am-5:00pm...work...minus the work...on training days I turn into slave/waitress/indentured servant and therefore get nothing done aside from re-filling coffee.

I do get an hour and a half break for dinner tonight before rehearsal...I have to be at rehearsal tonight, it is a big one since our show is coming up in a week or so.

I havent eaten very well and I was forced to drink a Red Bull. I know I have some form of adrenal fatigue and I am REALLY feeling the affects of it lately...and I know caffeine is not what I need right now...but there is nothing worse than falling over during a 16 hour day.

On a sort of random note... I do like how quickly I get reimbursed for my work purchases...I ususally get reimbursed the same day. I dont particularly enjoy having to be reimbursed...I would prefer to just have a company card or even just cash a check. It is irritating having to mix money like that. But as long as I keep an eye on it...

I am playing with an idea about opening up a jewelry/handbag/accessory store with my sister...she doesnt know it yet...well...I messaged her so she will find out soon I guess... I think it would be fun. 

Alright, I am headed off...only 1.5 hours left until I can go home and smoosh my wee one and my hubby.

Hmph.

I feel worthless today. I am in a bad mood...disgruntled and moopy...could cry at any second..(could nap at any second as well)...I cannot focus and I just want to give up.

Some days I wonder what it would be like if I could be a stay at home mom and my husband worked. But then I remember that our marriage is a much more happy place when I am the working spouse and he is teh  stay at home parent. Besides, I couldnt take away the fun he has staying with Peepers. The situation really is perfect...

I think I am just tired. Make that slightly exhausted. I feel like I am running on fumes all the time. From the moment I wake up until the time I go to bed, aside from making myself lunch...I am at the service of everyone else. I spend 8 hours a day trying to make the people at my work happy, then I come hope and entertain my son and husband and then after Peepers goes to bed I hang out with my husband, which usually involves me cleaning something,  and then I go to bed and do it all over again the next day, plus the 3 hours I take on Saturdays to go teach and then if we go to church on Sunday then I have to get dressed all over again. Dont get me wrong, I love my life. (aside from having to work, but I haven't met too many people that can get by without having to work) I think I just need to sit and have some me time. And I need to sleep more. And I probably should lay off the caffeine.

Some days I get a little jealous of some friends who are homemakers who wake up with their kids..send whoever off to school, have their coffee or tea or whatever and eat breakfast while watching cartoons...then cleaning teh house, running errands and baking or doing crafty things...while I am at the mercy of someone elses schedule and having to keep appointments and revenue and bills and things in my head at all times as a walking encyclopedia so whenever someone asks me something I can just rattle out the answer they want...it is kindof taxing filling your brain with so much stuff...I know that I should not envy the lives of others because they all come with their own baggage..but some days I cant help myself. Maybe I just need a vacation. Actually a million bucks may do the trick :)

Well, I will be starting up classes for my LCPB soon and when I get that over and done with then I can be my own boss. The problem is right now I jsut want to sit on my butt and not do anything. At all. For a long time. I think I will start planning a vacation. Apparently I need a getaway.

Ok well I feel a bit better from typing out my thoughts, as per usual...but unfortunatley it is no cure-all...for my mood nor my paperwork.

March in PNW

It is soo freezing cold here! It wouldn't be so bad it the dang wind decided to stop blowing. This morning I walked to work in pouring rain mixed with snow that was blowing 2 directions at once with a driving cold wind.  And by lunch time it was sunny. I have decided to stop trying to figure out the weather here. It is what it is and whenever I think I have mastered it, it changes.

Today  began as day 2 of no motivation. I need to start going to sleep earlier..I think last night I went to bed at about 11 but slept so deep that waking up was like waking the dead. I was a zombie again this morning and didnt get anything done. But I just dont feel like doing anything. Dont get me wrong, I am getting things accomplished, just not as quickly as I had hoped.

Some days I wish I had an office where I could shut my door and work on things. I have larger projects that I work on, but I have a billion other responsibilities as well which always interfere with what I am working on. One day when the company gets more revenue coming in they will hire a receptionist/front desk person and I will get an office and be able to focus on the books.

We got our tax return back...I am so proud of myself..2nd year in a row that I have gotten our taxes filed well before March is over. I love having the money back because we now have the start of a savings account, although it is a little tough to not pull out $100 to go spend on 3 pairs of shoes...Target actually has a pair of shoes that I love and I want one in every color. But....I have a feeling that wont be happening. I like having the money in savings.

I am tired. Only 2 more hours to go...I feel very unproductive today. And its horrible...having my heater on makes it too hot and turning it off makes me too cold.

I have the night off tonight...the venue where we rehearse normally is being taken up by some other function so we had to move venues and the company decided to switch what we were rehearsing. I foresee a Mama-Date tonight.. Peepers and I have Mama-Dates so we can get some one on one time. Usually in ends up being a trip to McDonalds for "fry-fry's, chickees and chockit meeeyouk". (translation: french fries, chicken nuggets and chocolate milk) or going to Target and getting "foo-naks" (fruit snacks) and mom doing some shopping. Or we just go to Winco and go grocery shopping. As long as we are spending time together. I love those dates. Tonight I do need to go to Target for some things and Peepers needs a haircut.

I want to move to Europe. The longing has been nagging me again. My travel bug is back again and it kills me that we cant just up and go. I miss being able to just sit at a cafe all day long and not do anything..I miss really good food...street performers...80 degree Mediterranean sea...public transportation that actually works...did i mention the food? Also I would like to be able to speak French full time again. I still keep in touch with my friends over there, but it is different typing a facebook message to them in French than actually being there. I miss Paris immensely.

Ok well here is to hoping that the next hour and a half goes by quickly!

Thursday?

I had to delete the last post. I got the situation figured out with that person and I dont need the negative vibes of hate mail to myself on my blog. It was more me venting.

I have anxiety again. It started last night...don't know why...probably that time of the month...but you never know...

Z and I had our first actual date last night in 2-ish years that didnt involve Wal Mart or Home Depot. IT WAS AWESOME! We went out to our favorite sushi place, and we took our DEAR SWEET TIME. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind taking Peepers out to eat, he's usually pretty good...but when he is done, that means we're done too... so we spent as long as our stomachs would let us stay. It had been awhile since we had good sushi.

Then we went over to Big Al's for bowling and arcade..but we were  so stuffed that we decided to start with the arcade so we could digest enough to be able to bowl a decent game..that was the first time I've ever played anything but air hockey and enjoyed it. I used to be so good at air hockey...I lost all four games last night :( On a high note though, I did better than Z at the Big Game Hunts...(hint: you dont have to pull the thingy back to reload so you basically get to go hunting with an automatic machine gun)

By the time we were done with the arcade all the bowling lanes were taken and we figured we'd better get back to the house anyways since our babysitter wasnt getting any cheaper! It was a nice 3 hours out of the house with just us.

My initial plan was to go to sushi and then go to this place in P-town where you can rent your own private terrace hot tub and go tubbing (among other things you may do on a romantic evening in  a hot tub) under the stars, or the rain...which is more likely in P-town. But we decided to keep it local..besides, we were so full after sushi that there was no way we wanted to drive over there.

I really want to go camping. It is such gorgeous weather out again...I walked to work again and it felt like one of those crisp early mornings when you are out camping and just wake up to breakfast being made...I need a vacation. Camping sounds just fine. I had also contemplated the beach...my parents stayed in a cute little cottage-y hotel over the summer...right on the beach...fireplace included...that is the way to do the beach in the winter. Even in the summer...we seldom have hot enough days to warrant me going in the water. I got spoiled in the Mediterranean where its normally 80 degree water and the warm currents that pass by are 100 degrees..it was HEAVEN. I would live at the beach if the Oregon coast was that warm. But alas....I am a weenie.

I keep wondering about ways to become a millionaire. Nothing is coming to me. Perhaps one day I'll get an idea.

I am so thankful for teh receptionist that I work with...She brings such a light and good spirit to the office that she has made me feel better just by talking about random things. So thankful for someone like that!!

I start my bible study tonight... wish me luck. Im starting with a 60 day over view read...mainly because I have only heard some of the more popular stories and Ive only actually read Luke, James, Revelations and Acts I & II. Oh and Job.  But I know the bible doesnt necessarily go in order, so I am going to do the overview study just to get my feet wet and then when I get familiarized with things then I will go into the deeper study modes.

Ok I have to get back to work now.. ta!

So what have I been doing for 2 weeks??

I have been dying a thousand miserable deaths...that's what. Ok fine, it hasnt been that bad. Two days after I shipped the boys off I got the worst cold EVER! I stayed in bed for most of that Saturday, ALL of Sunday and thankfully Monday was Presidents day so I got to spend that day in bed too. I suppose it was a slight blessing being alone for this illness...normally when I get sick, so do the boys...and that means I dont get time to be sick because I am administering to them. The sucky part was having to make my own soup...my own taco bell runs...no one to talk to...no hugs... :( I am feeling much better, I still have a slight sinus infection and a cough, but I will gladly take that over what it had started out as.

I am so lonely. I cant wait for Wednesday night to hurry up. I have done pretty darn well alone for 2 weeks - but I am attributing my success to the fact that I was in a coma for the better part of it. I also singlehandedly trashed my house. Mostly because when I was at the peak of my comatose state I just threw things and they landed and there they stayed. I started cleaning yesterday...almost done.

My sister's boyfriend's dad and step-mom live 20 minutes away from me so her and her man came up this weekend to visit them, and her being awesome, decided we needed to go out to breakfast. I had so much fun. She is contemplating moving up here some time next year...I would love it if she could. Not only would I be able to see her more often but we would have a built in babysitter! I wonder how she would do with the rain tho...we're kind of a specific kind of people up here....

I am so happy too - I will get paid this pay period! I was a little worried...cash flow at work sometimes takes its dear sweet time since we are a service-based business...Just got word that one of our big vendors approved the upfront payment and I will be able to pay my rent on time! So happy. :) This is the first time in our married lives that we have been able to put money into savings and actually keep it there...after this pay period we will have $1000 to our name that thankfully doesnt need to be used! I love financial stability. I just wish I made a little more. I know I will once my schooling for my Licensed Certified Public Bookkeeper is over...but that wont be until sometime next year.

Some days I wonder what it would be like if we were a different religion. I dont plan on changing my current on, but its always been a pondering of mine. Religion is such an interesting topic to me, I still would like a PhD in Theology...I love seeing the way people do things...I had thought to visit some different services the past couple Sundays...but seeing that I was the walking plague....I didnt want to invite an exorcism.

I have a lot to do today at work and my motivation is slowly ticking away...it is especially hard because today is the sunniest its been in a LONG time. I woke up 40 minutes before my alarm because my room was bathed in sunlight! I got excited and then got outside and had to chip the ice off my car. Seems more like Thanksgiving weather than almost March weather...I would have loved to have teh day off. Hiking, running errands, cleaning...whatever...its so gorgeous out. Unfortunatley we dont have another Monday holiday until Memorial Day I think.

So I've decided to start a bible study. I read the book of Acts once...very enlightening. And not so much in a spiritual sense, but as in the history!! You always revert back to the historical timeline you learned in school and dont ever realize that when Rome was at its peak that the rest of the world was living life as well. Or historical characters you hear the name of but never put together as being alive at the same time. Fascinating. It really makes history come alive when you can piece the world together like a jigsaw puzzle. At this point I am more interested in studying the Bible for its historical value than anything else..but I think that understanding the history of the timeframe that all this stuff took place, New Testament particulary, it really makes the story of Jesus and the Apostles and all that come alive a little more and puts a more solid foundation behind all the church-y stories you grow up with. So....why not.

I also tried and failed at celebrating Lent. Apparently I dont have the wearwithall for it. (yes i am sure that is spelled wrong) Ive never celebrated Lent, I only just understood it as of 3 days ago listening to a sermon at a Catholic Mass on Catholic Radio...it is amazing how when you stop to learn about other peoples traditions and they reasons behind why they do things that the world starts making a little bit more sense. Lent is a great tradition, I really like the idea behind it..however I dont think I am ready to celebrate it yet. It is more than just seeing if you can live with out chocolate or fast food for 40 days...it is a commitment to a change that shouldnt be taken lightly...and Im not ready for that yet. Good thing its not really practiced in my church.  In fact I am not sure anyone in my church really even knows what Lent is...it seems the majority of people only know what they were taught in Primary and then only what the church teaches. No one cares to find out about any of the others. And Im not saying to search for another church, but to know what is out there, it really does make the world seem a little less crazy.

I reallllly overdid it yesterday on my carb intake...I have been doing so well and feeling so good...but I was cleaning all day yesterday and the only thing that sounded good was something with a lot of cheese. And what goes best with a lot of cheese???? PASTA!! So I went and done it. I ate pasta. And I enjoyed every bite. That is, until about 10 minutes after I was done. I dont tolerate wheat very well....I spent the rest of the evening in a Purgatory of extreme bloatedness, swollen fingers and toes and a very upset stomach. Was it worth it??? Heck yes. But it will be a long time before I submit myself to the call of pasta.

I had so many good ideas and plans for the two weeks I had alone...stupid cold. I also have been having anxiety dreams about moving back to Idaho. I have this subconcious fear that since all our family is there and all of Zac's good friends are there that he will go for a trip and decide he wants to move back. These stupid dreams have been after me since he left. The only reason I can see us ever moving back there is if my parents were ever ill or dying or something. But that's it. Idaho is nice to visit...but that's all.

I need a beach trip. With a hotel or beach house included. I would like a vacation. But I dont think I get vacation time for a long time. Poo. Oh well...good thing the beach is only 2 hours away.

I get to do taxes tonight. I sure hope we get a refund...we have never not...I guess we'll see :)

Ok, well I think Ive written enough...ta ta for now!