I want one.

Man, I wouldnt have to deal with traffic jams ever again!

A good old fashioned journal entry.

I just feel like writing right now, so enjoy my ramblings. Its hot. And getting hotter. It is supposed to be in the 90's this weekend and guess who has like 2 short sleeve shirts??? Ya. Me. Need to go shopping. My poor husband got up and started mowing at 6:30 this morning (for some reason its light out at that time). So I followed suit (getting up, not mowing) and now at 8:30 in the morning I'm dragging. Doesn't help I went to bed so dang late, but that could not have been helped. I'm still trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that it is indeed Thursday and not Wednesday. That means I have to wake up at least before 6:30 tonight since I have to teach. Oooouuuch. This is hurting my tired little brain. I've got some things I need to get done today but have to wait. I can't call mom until 10am because she is incoherent before that, then I have to wait for my lunch break at 12 so I can go exchange some things at the distribution center, then I have to wait until 5 so I can go home. Zac is going to help his dad out at Scout camp Friday and Saturday. Which is ok for me, I have dress rehersal Friday right after work, and then all day long on Saturday. He is coming to watch the matinee on Saturday, I hope he enjoys my choreography. My intermediate pointe class is dancing to one of his favorite songs. Went through the Temple last night...WOW. What an experience. Got home LATE. Holy Crap I am fading. Where's a diet coke when ya need one? Where's breakfast when you need it? I got up early enough to eat, but I wasn't hungry until now. I need to start keeping things at my desk. I wish I could go home and curl up with a hot pad. O well... The ibuprofen I took better kick in fast as my patience level is very low due to pain. I hope my girls do well the weekend at the recital. My younger ones have it down no problem. My older girls I had to extend practices to Saturday mornings to get them to learn anything. I think half the reason is because most of them are 14-15 years old and wont shut up. Oh well, I wont worry too much. I'm just nervous because if one or two girls mess up alot then it just looks like they hadn't been paying much attention throughout the year, but if all my girls don't know the dance then it looks like I didn't teach very well. Man, its only 9am. Can this day go any slower? For some reason stuffed crust pizza sounds GREAT right now. I cant even eat pizza, but it sounds good. I'm trying to imagine the ramen noodles I'm eating is actually shrimp scampi with a creamy white wine and butter sauce and stuffed ziti. So far it just tastes like pork noodles, but whatever I guess. I ate like crap yesterday... 8 meatballs for breakfast, a 270 calorie cup of noodle, 1 double cheeseburger and 7 jalapeno poppers from Jack in the Box. Oh and about 7 sticks of gum and 12 cups of tea. Crap. Complete crap. But ohhhhh soooo good. So my ramen noodles are just to tide me over and keep me from puking from pain, but other than that I think I am going to take it lightly today. I hope I get a workout in. The distribution center wont take very long, maybe 30 min. max, so that would give me a 15 minute run and then 15 min for weights... I hate waiting to do things that need to be done (on my agenda that is). Ok, I'll shut up for a bit...

HOLY CRAP!

ITS HERE! Tonight!! Holy Crap!! (If you dont know what I am talking about, either email me or be content with not knowing) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooookaayy.....

I knew Star Wars was big, but I didn't think it was that big. The Jedi Church is now an official religion. Wow.

Wow.

Ok so making a list of just the things that i need to get done just in May was a GREAT idea!!!! Going month by month is such a nice way of doing things. That way I only focus on the things at hand and nothing else...it eliminates sooo much worry and anxiety. And the best part is....drum roll please.... as you check off things, your list gets smaller until there is nothing left to do in May!!! What a sense of accomplishment!! I think I will do this every month for the rest of my life! Man... woooohoooo!!!

Little things I find satisfying...

Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer started a list of simple things that satisfies her. I liked the idea so much that I am following suit:

(in no particular order)

My fuzzy cat

Garlic Bread

Clean Laundry

Rainstorms

Perfectly folded towels

A clean car (inside and out)

Beefstick, cheddar and Ritz

A hot cup of tea done up British style

Fuzzy robes (especially the ones that feel like baby blankets!)

Being inside during a big snowstorm

Finishing paying bills for 2 weeks (I can breathe!!)

A good upbeat country song


Man, I could go on and on and on.....

Count how many times I say "excited" in this post...

This month has been an exciting, nerve-wracking, stressful, joyful, most wonderful month all in one. We are getting ready to go on a trip to California to see my moms side of the family for a reunion and my grandpas 80th birthday. We used to go every summer to see my family, but I have not been since 2003!!! I was 18!! (Holy Crap. Im old.) Throughout the years I have seen Grandma and Grandpa and one of my aunts intermittantly when they came up for my wedding, or for my sisters graduation, but the rest I havent seen in a long time. Especially my cousin Jessie, we used to be awesome pen pals. Im looking forward to seeing her the most!! I have no idea what she has been up to or doing or how she has changed... I'm excited to find out. It is also hard to believe that my dear grandpa is 80!! God bless him!

This is the latest photo I have of my cuz Jessie. Looks the same, but different that I remember. Older.

We are also getting excited to go because the day after we get in, we are spending the day in San Fransisco. I love going to San Fran, even was trying to move there... then I saw the prices. OUCH!! My husband has never been to California or any other big place aside from a short stint in Seattle, so he is excited to go and I'm thrilled to show him around. And this will be a vacation we, no... I will be sorely needing. I'm excited.

WE DID IT!!!

I cant believe my husband and I have gotten to this point. We both got our Temple reccomends yesterday!!! We have been together for a very, very long time and up until last October, this just didnt seen possible. It always looked to me that it was something that we both were never going to be worthy enough for, so I didn't bother. But God had it in His cards that we are to go and we are becoming a righteous couple in God... I can't tell you how much it means to us that we as a couple have come so far. I am so proud of my husband! Praise be to the Lord!!

I love the weekends!

Especially Sundays. Sundays I am able to devote my whole being to God and family and I don't feel guilty about not thinking of the things that "need" to be done, or (lately) the stresses of the week. I've learned to do this on Saturdays too. It is nice to be able to set aside your problems for a day or two and recuperate before the Monday blues start up again and I have to actually be responsible...

May resolution update

Oh yes. I almost forgot... heres a quick update on how my "May Resolution" is going...

Well, I'm getting up on time on the week days... check.

I'm showering and blow drying and curling in the morning and not at night on the weekdays...check.

I'm applying makeup that doesnt look like a 4 year old did it...check.

My clothes are set out before I go to bed the night before...check.

I know where my purse is and everything I must take to work is in one spot... ha, ha, ha.

Still working on that, but hey! 4 out of 5 isnt bad! And its working out pretty well. God blessed me with being able to sleep 8 hours a night, and I do and feel soooo much better for it! That I can actually do the 5 steps above! Yes I am tootin' my own horn here, but hey! I'm darn proud of myself. And ofcourse most of the credit must go to Him, for without His help with my prayers to get this going, I still would be looking like quite the unsavory creature. Amen.

I feel better now...

So I'm feeling better. I talked it out, reasoned it out, wrote it down. And I went to bed early. I am doing considerably better today. A wonderful reader wrote me and told me that I dont need to worry, and not to think too much about things becuase 9 times out of 10 I make it out to be something worse than it really is and then I wear myself down and out because of it. So heres what I am focusing on for May:

• Temple classes, bishop interviews and stake stuff done by Thurs the 15th.
• Temple before May 23rd
• May 23rd-26th vacation!!!!
• Dance season ends with recital May 17th.
• I've decided to start praying in the mornings too. I should be doing it anyways, but I'm going to start.
• Get the ball rolling with lenders to see what we qualify for as in home loans.
• Selling the truck and buying a $400 scooter that will save MUCHO gas.

And that is it for May. Unless something else becomes dire, I will not focus on anything else until June starts. It's feeling like things are starting to be put in place a bit. I'm still a little jittery, but thats ok. Thank you all who have emailed me with your prayers! God Bless!

Stinky cat

This is our cat Stinky. It was kinda cute, he got himself all wrapped up in there, I had nothing to do do with him getting under the blanket...

.

And then he got hot being under the blanket so he moved to the bed....

Why can't I get this comfy?

Pray for us.

Had another Alaska anxiety dream last night. Where's the money going to come from? Will we be able to pay off what we owe down here first? What if we cant get a $40,000 home loan? Funds dont just fall into your lap, how are you going to get this put in motion? Are we being realistic in the timeframe we are setting for ourselves? We'll have kids there, is the church strong enough to raise them how we would like? What if our kids never see thier grandparents? And on..and on...and on....

Talk about not a restful 8 hours. Please pray for us that things will all fall into place, and of course I understand that we are working on Gods time. I guess just pray for my peace of mind.

Time Management

I calculated this out and am dismayed:

I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week with a one hour drivetime (normal 40 hour work week)

That equals 46 hours a week I am away from home and family.

I spend 30 minutes in the morning to get ready and then at night I've got from 5:30-10pm to spend at home with my husband.

That equals 30 awake hours a week I am at home with family.

I've got Saturday and Sunday off. (48 hours)

That 48 hours combined with the 30 that I am home equals 78 hours total I am awake and at home.

I am only awake at home and with my husband for a total of about 3 days a week.

The rest is sleeping. There is something very wrong here.

Speaking, thinking and doing.

It has come to my immediate attention that my mouth has been going off at quite innapropriate times and using quite un-Christian like statements. This is my new exercise and challenge to myself. To shut my mouth if I have nothing good to say, and if I do have something that needs to be said, to try to present it in a say that I wouldn't be ashamed if Christ heard it. Also, to try to keep my thoughts as nice as possible, as if Christ were to read my thoughts at every second.

A clean tongue helps to garner a clean mind. A clean mind helps to garner a clean spirit. A clean spirit helps bring you closer to Christ.

And so it begins...

Ok....(deep breath).... October is 5 months away. My stupid TO DO list is ever growing, and so is my stress... however so is my pocketbook..(slowly..yay!) I have decided to take it one day at a time. I am no longer allowed to be lazy and put things off for tomorrow. We have done marvelously at not spending money. We did splurge $1.98 on a snickers and a coke last night though... It's funny, after you stop consumer-izing just how much $1.98 means when you are trying to scrimp and save. It means that your $498.00 account could have been $500 instead. Every penny does count. And it is nice not making multiple trips to the store to get things you forgot, then waste gas on a trip for something trivial. Gas is up to $3.65 where we live. I can only imagine when it gets up to $5. I'm going to have to start walking to work. (joking..its a long way to work)

I've got to get my ducks in a row here soon, and fast! Right now all my thoughts and to do's feel like they've been mushed in a ball of playdoh and I have to pick out each and every single one. Although a few big to do's and worrys are going to pass here soon... our temple classes end on the 11th, and then our meetings with the bishop and stake president are the 13th... and then our endowment session will be the next week, and after all that is over it will be a load off my mind because then we will have it over and done with and can go anytime. And then all we have to do in that facet is get our own temple clothes and go to Salt Lake, which is more of a vacation that anything else. And then with those things checked off the list, I can focus a little more clearly on the rest of the things that are muddled up in my gray matter.

...because its all rocket science.

Tea is drunk to forget the din of the world. ~T'ien Yiheng

I have decided that aside from the warm arms of my husband, there is nothing more comforting and relaxing than a properly prepared cup of tea. (ask Emily at Unfurling Flower for info on how to prepare) To get lost in a hot, sweet cup of tea is complete bliss. For those moments of sips, your worries are drowned out and you can breath. What a great thing.

I love this....

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, ‘All right, then, have it your way.’”

-C. S. Lewis

Communist USA

I may as well be in a bread line in Communist Russia. Food prices are SOARING! I just went to do my bi-monthly grocery shopping. HOLY COW!! I didnt even get half the things on my list just for the sheer fact that, well...its too dang expensive. (so is fuel by the way...)

Although on a good note, it does force me to weigh the differences between wants and needs. But still. When a small box of tea that cost $1.97 a month or two before now costs $3.89.... there is something wrong with that. Gripe gripe gripe.

...and it's all rocket science.

Is it really that hard to find a cute, modest one-piece bathing suit, that is not size XXXX for under $40??? Maybe I'm just being cheap. But $40? Seriously?? All the ones that are quite immodest are under $40... but all the modest, coverage-offering one are over that price and are for people who usually dont want to be seen in a bathing suit anyways. Stupid world. Im not a huge fan of tankinis, as the water tends to balloon your top up and then gets twisted around you...but I may be willing to relent and perhaps sew both peices together. Any ideas? Anybody?

World class sluff-off

Man... lazy has been the word of the year so far. Yes, I did try to make some resolutions, a few which I actually kept. But I've been sluffing through since January not on my bills, nor my housekeeping, nor my job. I've been sluffing off on myself. Yes I shower, yes I am very hygenic-concious. However I cant get my lazy bum out of bed at a time in the morning that gives me some slack to actually do my hair, or apply makeup in a way that doesnt look hurried. If I shower at night, that means that my thin-fine hair is EVERYWHERE in the morning so the best I can do is a pony tail... I dont have time to shower again that morning to tame it, which means that I dont have the time to do anything except swipe on some mascara in the car and go. I've gotten better about remembering to put my clothes out the night before so I dont go to work looking like I just got out of bed, but so far it has been constituting about 1-2 days a week. Sooo.... 3-4 days out of the week I am a disheveled mess. Not to mention...IM STILL TIRED. Hmmm...

So for 1 month, all of May, I am going to make a resolution or two. Or three.. Well.. I ended up with 7.

• I WILL get out of bed when my alarm says


• I WILL set my alarm for 20 minutes before I have been getting up


• I WILL get a shower in the morning no matter if I took one the night before


• I WILL put my clothes together the night before


• I WILL have my purse, keys, water bottle, etc... in one spot ready to grab in the morning


• I WILL have gas in my car the night before so I dont have to waste 10 minutes getting to the gas station before jumping on the freeway (yes, this is a common cause of my being late)


• I WILL DO THIS FOR DAY 1-31 OF MAY

Lord help me.

The Rebelution

YAY to the guys that started The Rebelution blog. What an uplifting find to see that young people are taking the reins on issues like modesty, chastity, and their main theme: A TEENAGE REBELLION AGAINST LOW EXPECTATIONS. (they've even got a book!! see here)

Finally! Some one is speaking out to the youth and even young adults about the low expectations this world has for them and how to rise above it and become moral, choice people within the gospel. And the great part about it is... the youth are listening!!!!!

Check out the site. Its a great one if you have pre-teens or teens, or even if you are a young adult! Im sure older adults can glean something from it too. Kudos to Alex & Brett Harris for starting something wonderful!!!

What I've learned about grace... (this is a bit long)

So I'm on the last day of my secular fast, I originally thought I would conclude Wednesday, but turns out that I can't count to 7. So, on this ending day (the real day 7), I am going to post (fittingly, I think) what I have learned of the grace of God through secular fasting and turning more of my attention to Him and away from the world.

First note: God is good. I never really, truly understood it until lately. God is and really has been good to us. He has blessed our lives with large things as well as small things, and then again with microscopically tiny things. It is those teeny, tiny things, the things that are there that we look over and don't recognize as daily blessings. I see His goodness and grace in the way my husband looks at me after a kiss. I feel it in the peace he gives me when I get stressed. I saw it in the little 6 year old neighbor boy who came to our yard looking for his blankie in the middle of the night. All things that just seem to be a daily occurrence or even just out of the blue that we just brush off either so mundane or so small they are overlooked, are each in turn a teeny bit of God. He is good in that He has shown Himself to me in the smallest of things.

Second note: It was grace that saved me. I don't pretend to be a perfect person, indeed before October of 2007, I was a wretch. (And a wreck...) It was not until I fully accepted God as my Heavenly Father and Jesus as my savior, that I was saved from the claws of sin. (Again, still not saying I'm perfect) By sending His son to die for mankind, I was fully able to repent and lament my sorrows and know that after I did that, He would forgive me... and I could have life through His grace and goodness. Without the atonement of Christ and the grace of our dear God, I would not have been able to be lifted up enough to glorify or serve Him. Nor would I have the opportunity to be given eternal life through His words. The grace of God fell upon me that day in October, He showed Himself to me and just what He would have me do. I am ever so thankful that by His saving grace, His divine plan that I have a father and a savior who care enough about my soul that He would take the time to show me His most holy righteousness.

Third note: He is everywhere, in everything.. truly, He lives. God made the world and I think that people forget about it. I did. We take everything this planet has to offer without even thinking about the beauty of it. Yes, God gave it to us to use, but do we ever recognize just how much of Himself He poured into its creation? Every single thing, including mosquitos (I'm still of the opinion they are a waste of fiber) everything has a purpose and is on this earth to do their duty to God's purpose. How amazing it is to think that God thought to put the leaves on the trees in that specific color green, or that the yearling steer in our pasture is just the exact color and height of how God created it. Or even our own body, who's organs "talk" to one another without us even having to constantly think that our heart is beating, or that our lungs are inhaling properly. God's plan is in everything and is constantly being overlooked. Now I'm not going completely environmentalist on you here. I believe that the Earth was created for humans to utilize, and God even states he put the animals and plants here to sustain us here for the time we are on this planet. I'm just saying, God's beauty is everywhere, in everything. Truly, through His creation, He lives.

I have been at peace for the past week, and it has been a nice change. Am I going to keep my changes up? Probably most of them. I don't miss TV or movies as we don't have a TV. I know I will definitely be more selective in what I do watch though if I ever get a TV. I know I will be more selective in what I subject myself to listen to, or to read, or to look up on the Internet. I've decided all things in moderation and to be selective in cleanliness and morality and the more they glorify God and His teachings, the better. The farther off that topic they are, then I will try to stay away from. I have found more free time to be outside and to get things done that need to be done rather than to be lazy and decide that I am going to surf the Internet instead. I feel changed, my priorities have definitely changed. There is too much of Gods great, glorious words and world to waste on man-made ideas and ideals. I'm still not perfect, nor will I ever really be... but I feel this is a step in the right direction, and I have become a better person because of it. I think I may make this a monthly deal.

Through Him also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God. Romans 5: 2

Men primp in cars too, ya know...

I never noticed until this past week how many people, men and women, primp and check themselves out in their rearview mirrors at the stoplights on the way into work. It's interesting to think that we are all different people and yet quite alike in our mannerisms and ways we think.

1 hour with God

The drive to work takes about 30 minutes. So does the drive home. That is one hour I get to sit by myself. I listened to a devotional this morning on the way in about the joy of solitude. It asked, when do you get your alone time with God? Do you set aside time to pray and to just forget about everything for a little bit?

So I got to thinking... well, I wrench myself out of bed, peel my eyelids back to the point where I can kind of see, grumble on the drive to work, work, then grumble through the drive home, then tend to my husband, make dinner if he hasnt already, teach dance if its Thursday, laundry if its Sunday, clean something, read scriptures with my husband, pray and go to bed. Hmm... theres not alot of alone time there, and quite frankly, I do love my life and the time that I am able to spend being busy. And really, I'm not that busy in comparison to others. But I was still lacking that time to set myself apart from the day and talk with Him. I reveiwed my schedule again and figured, when I drive to work and back, what am I doing to fill that time? During the fast, I have just been quiet and enjoyed the silence. But then I heard that devotional this morning, and it told of a busy city engineer who had an hour ride into work every morning and that somedays he was so busy he didn't even get a lunch break. He used his commute time, when he was the only one in the car stuck in traffic, as his "alone" time with God.

I have a half an hour each way every day. I am able to use this to either listen to devotionals, or ponder the thoughts of Him, or to pray, or to sing to His glory. My time shouldn't be wasted by listening to the "drive at 5" top 10 songs of the week... or by wondering what in the world the driver in front of me is doing. So from today on, I will make the effort to use my drive time wisely.

Proverbs 3:6 - in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Clarification

Ok... Ive had some questions as to what a fast is... here ya go:

Fasting = the abstaining or detoxing from something or things for a set amount of time, usually used for spiritual or religious purposes, although in some circumstances is very beneficial to the physical body as a detox.

Secular Fasting = abstaining from secular (worldly) things. For instance, in my current secular fast, I am abstaining from TV, Internet aside from the blog, any printed materials that do not glorify God (ie:newspaper, magazines, ideals of the world), radio & music, or electronic games.

What I call "normal" fasting = abstaining from food or drink for a 24-hour period, detoxes the body, causes you to be humble in prayer and hopefully in all things. Prayer ususally acommpanies any kind of fast, and therefore you can use a fast to pray for the healing of others as well as yourself.

Also, read here for a detailed explination http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fasting. It gives some insight to fasting throughout different religions and such.

Day 3

It seems like I've been doing this for such a long time now! And yet it has only been 3 days. I have decided that I need to do another day of normal fasting on top of my secular fast... I cant find the words to explain it right now, but even just a normal fast without the secular one is very humbling and enlightening. I am more at peace one the third day of a fast than I have been in about 6 months. It's quiet. I feel Gods presence moreso than before because now that I cut all the clutter and the noise out, I can hear Him. He really does provide for us and His word is the way.

I am finding out that when you take out all the media and the worries of the world and all the things that have a negative impact... like the news.. every hear anything uplifting? Ive found when you take all that out, the beauty of the Earth that God made becomes apparent to you again, as if you are seeing it for the first time again through they eyes of your 6 year old self. It almost feels like I am seeing everything for the first time, just in a new light.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. - Psalm 100

Phillipians 4:11-13 (harder than it sounds)

1. Have to find out if we are even qualified for a $48K loan.

2. Have to find a house that we like for that price

3. Have to find 2 jobs there that will pay the same or better as down here

4. Have to try to buy an in-bed camper for the drive up

5. Have to find the money to put the truck on the ferry to get to Alaska

6. Have to find the money to put Earnest Money down if we do get a loan

7. Have to sock away every little bit of change and dinero we get

8. Have to figure out what we are taking and what goes to the thrift store.

No more wasting... no more wanting. I am going to be fasting for the rest of my goll-darn life. I am just thankful that we are going to the Temple before all of this commences completely.

Here is the main point that I will continue to fast on that I may be able to adopt this and through it gain understanding:

"Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

Let us be silent, that we may hear the whisper of God..

It's quiet. I haven't turned on my radio, I don't have a TV, and I have no idea what's going on in the news, although I'm sure nothing has changed since the day before yesterday and this is the only Internet I have been on. I was right. My head is clearing. My prayers are easier to say and I am saying them more often. I'm focusing more accurately. It's nice. I don't have the radio on for the 1 hour drive to and from work, it gives me a chance to just be still. Or to sing. Or to get some thoughts in order. (road rage is also diminishing) I don't feel like I am on a super caffeine high, all jittery and moody. I've been able to cope a little better with my stresses. This is nice. I am looking ahead to next Wednesday, seems so far away and yet only 5 days to go. I cant wait to see the state I have progressed to by then.

So even though I am secular fasting for 7 days, yesterday I was also normal fasting too. I broke that with a trip to The Olive Garden. Had shrimp and stuffed ziti in cheese sauce. Not one of their better dishes, but kudos to me for trying something new. I am doing another normal fast today, and I think this will be the last day I do, although it seems to help my humbleness and my ability to be a bit more spiritual than normal. Perhaps I will add the normal fast in every other day until my secular week is over.

So far, I would recomend a secular fast to everyone. Its difficult in the beginning because we get into such a routine of reading and viewing that we get into a rut. But so far, I am liking getting out of the rut.

Suprises...

It's amazing how your view of someone can change in an instant. One minute the are the most cantankerous catfish ever, but every so often they suprise you and do something so out-of-the-way nice that you begin to see that what they let everyone else see is just a shell as to what's really going on inside. Life never ceases to be unpredicatable. I kinda like it.

Musings of day 1

So it's still day one... and it's hard. Not to keep everything out, just to keep my mind from not shutting up. Throughout some prayers today, I have had a slight revelation that perhaps things are not as bad as I make them out to be. Perhaps God has us held closer than I realized. I am slowly getting some clarity, and as hungry as I am getting, I am starting to feel at peace. Man, give this a week and I'll be in Nirvana! (lol, just kidding) The weights feel like they are being slowly taken from my shoulders and my heart isn't as heavy as it was 5 hours ago as I am realizing that God is so much closer and willing to help if I just pray and ask for His guidance.

I think that a lesson from Job could come into play here. I know a lot of people who praise the Lord in times of great abundance, but when trials come, their faith wanes and they wonder "where is God? Why has He let this happen to me? I thought He loved me?" He does love us, and our trials are His tests of faith to remind us that we should love Him too. And as Job suffered trials, his faith stood strong and God did bless him for his steadfastness. I am learning this.

If anyone is reading this, I would much appriciate your prayers.

And it begins...

Ok Im starting early. The situation has come about that I feel strongly that I need to be fasting from secular things as well as doing a normal fast until further notice. I will continue on the blog as it is my "journal" of sorts, perhaps to keep track of how I do. I have no idea how hard or how easy this will be, but I know that with the Lords help I will be able to get through it and that I will come out stronger in faith that I entered in. I plan on no longer than a week. God-willing I will be at peace.

I like this...

As a woman and a wife trying to help save money, I'm going to try to adopt this depression-era philosophy I found posted at The Sparrows Nest. (which I highly reccomend for you frugal women out there)

"Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without".

I think I will hang this where I can see it.

Last recipe I promise

I'm still not big on posting recipes, but this is AWESOME! I'm making these tonight.. I will post a photo when I make it.


Chicken Stuffed Croissants by Linda Kerby

3 oz. cream cheese
3 tbsp. butter, melted & divided
2 tbsp. milk
2 cups cooked chicken (cut in small pieces)
1 tbsp. chopped chives
1 tbsp. pimento
1/4 tsp. salt & pepper
1 tube crescent rolls
seasoned bread crumbs
Beat cream cheese and 2 tbsp melted butter untili smooth. Stir in chicken, chives, pimento, milk, salt and pepper. Separate crescent rolls into 4 rectangles. Spoon mixture into each one. Bring up 4 corners and pinch shut. Brush with remaining butter and sprinkle with bread crumbs.
Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Serves 4

More on Secular Fasting

I think I will try this whole "secular fasting" thing for a few days this next week. Give me time to prepare. Although I will keep the blogging going more as a progress journal whilst I am fasting. Perhaps I will start after church on Sunday. This will be interesting.

Secular Fasting

I think I may try this. It was a fairly large topic at stake conference this past weekend, and seemed to make a world of difference in the life of the family who spoke about it. They went for one whole week without computer, video games, TV, radio, newspaper, anything that involved worldly issues or secular beliefs and media. Granted their whole family did this together and this time around I believe it would just be me, but perhaps it will clear my head a bit and give me some peace.

Springtime Blues

My friend and her husband are in Italy for a week. My parents are away at a wonderful hotel in the mountains. I'm at work trying to tackle my job as well as our late admin. assistants job and trying to figure out how in the world we are going to be able to move to Alaska by October. I know our little 3 day vacation to Salt Lake will be a nice little getaway, but then I have to come back. I wish sometimes I had a million bucks. That would pay off our truck, get us a house wherever we wanted and then we'd bank the rest and not worry about anything.

I know that God is with us and that I must trust in His timing. I know that I should not worry for the future because God holds our lives in His hands, protecting us as long as we keep Him by our sides. Yet I am only human and I am overwhelmed and stressed and a little blue. I dont know which way is up and my brain is so foggy I feel like I cant walk in a straight line let alone think in a straight line. I am having a difficult time remembering things that need to be remembered. I need a break. I need a vacation where I can just sit on a dock and watch the water sparkle in the sunlight, where I can enjoy a cup of early morning tea with my husband and take a sunrise bike ride through God's vast, beautiful wilderness, where I dont have to move if I dont want to, or think if I don't want to or do anything at all for anybody except to serve my husband and God.

Lord help me get through my blues and to continue to remember to pray when I am overwhelmed. Praise be to thee that you hold my hand as I walk. Amen.

Reflections in my tea cup

A cup of lemon tea this morning has reverted me back a few years and I'm fully savoring the memory of slowly sipping a cup of hot lemon tea with a pinch of nutmeg at my kitchen table in my pj's at 7:30 in the morning watching the sun come up over the rooftops, enjoying God's silence and picturesque serenity. Bliss.

One week of food around the world

This is too big to post, so click on the link. I'm not really one to get on my high horse about politics and the world economy, but this linked page made me stop and think a bit about what I can do to either consume less or help others be able to consume more. Also, it is interesting to me to see the differences God made between people from different countries and how different the cuisine varies.

http://www.fixingtheplanet.com/one-weeks-worth-food-around-our-planet

Totally plugging here...

Ok I know its a plug for this stuff, but I'm just thrilled!! In lieu of being a launch pad for my cat, I ended up with some nice scars on my face. AND YAY TO MEDERMA!! Its only been a week and they are already fading. WOOT!! I will get you photos soon. It's great stuff!!

My husband, the genius

Last night my husband brought a point up to me that I've really had to think about. I believe I was telling him that I wanted to grow out my bangs with the rest of my hair because it was getting annoying. His response? "Tomorrow I want you to write down every thought you have about your self and every thing you say about yourself. Good or bad. You are always talking about yourself and I want you to put it down on paper so you can see."

So this has definetly given me reason to pause and think. Do I really say that much about how I dont like my thighs? Or how much do I really focus on my hair whether I like it or not? Am I self centered and narcissistic? Or just insecure? And I figured either way, it is probably annoying the crap out of him.

So I'm going to do it. I'm not going to make an effort to really think positive so my list is all good things, (they are nonetheless about me either way) I just want to see what his little experiment has in store for me. If anything, I got out of his message "BE QUIET. I love you for who you are but its hard when its all about you."

So thank you Zac, for bringing this to my attention with all the love that you have for me. I will do this for you, but I think its more important that I do it for me.

Free speech costs $75 per line...

We have become such a wicked world. The reason I bring this up is from a news cast I heard on the radio this morning. An aid for Barack Obama just released herself from politics after getting a $75 fine for disturbing the peace. Well, ok... what did she do? Apparently there were some kids climbing and swinging in a tree on a property that was not available for that kind of recreation. So she said (exact quote) "The tree is not there for them to be climbing in there like monkeys." What made this woman's comments so problematic?? Well, the 2 children she was reffering to were African-American. Had they been white, there would not have been a problem. Nor would there have been a problem had she been African-American. What if a Chinese person had said it? Now growing up in the good ol' US of A... yes I've been called a monkey when I was little for swinging off things and bouncing around. Not because I looked like a monkey, but my actions were similar. Not to mention I was on the monkey bars... We call our kids "little monkeys" because of the actions they portray when messing around. In my opinion, this lady's words were completly taken out of context because everyone is so hateful toward their fellow man anymore. We are all so eager to watch another human being fall... it's like we are repeating the middle ages when everyone cheered for a hanging. Imagine... us civilized people cheering for the downfall of another. When do we ever try to pick another man up? So far, only people who follow the word of God and the churches are the only ones working in favor of the "light". Although there are still those who go to church and call themselves Christians, and yet are still the first people to jump on the bandwagon of judgment and hate. I suppose I dont blame God for removing Himself from the wicked places of the world.

We are turning into Sodom and Gomorrah and our world will be destroyed again because of it. The only sanctity that we may hope to have is to truly live a Christ-driven, righteous life so that when the world engulfs itself completley in its wickedness and shallowness and deep darkness, we still may hold the light that allows us to see the truth in all things.

"May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out" - quote from LOTR

BEST-EVER GRILLED SALMON!!

Ok, Im not one for posting recipes, but my husbands grilled salmon and potatoes were too excellent to not share!

1 salmon steak lathered in a TON of sweet cream butter and lemon pepper and chives. Place onions in the butter and put face down on the grill. (helps to have a grill plate so things dont fall through)

Slice potatoes in to flat peices and lather them in butter and Tonys Creole seasoning.

Grill.

This is better than any restaurant salmon I have ever had! KUDOS TO ZAC! (sweetie, you can cook anytime!)

I am so thankful...

God has truly blessed our lives. We really can't do anything without Him and His words. What a great thing it is to know that you are constantly being watched over and cared for. He knows your needs and He does provide. I am just so thankful. Praise be to Him!

Is there even one safe spot in this world?

Name one place where you are safe from the outside world and its worldly thoughts and things and pressures. Name one place you can go where there aren't any social pressures to be beautiful, or to be rich or to be the better housewife. Name one place where ideas are not bombarding you with MSN news articles of "why your husband really wants to cheat" and "the stock market is falling off the face of the Earth." Name one place where you can close your eyes and find peace. Can you? Or do your thoughts still resonate those of the world? There is no escape, is there?

Ah but there is. Through the teachings of Christ, and the words of God, we may be able to slowly peel ourselves away from that which is causing our upset.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food and clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we wear?" For the gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
- Matthew 6.25-33 (New International Version)

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard - Proverbs 31

For the longest time I have wanted to start my own business. For an extra hobby, but mostly to help out with finances. I was going to do custom apparel... but the time was just never found. Then I got to the point where I even had a website set up for my online home-made candle business, but we needed to put the money into my husbands lawn business, so that fizzled out. Now I'm thinking about an online perhaps Ebay jewelry store. Jewelry is extremely cheap to make, especially when you buy wholesale beads... And now without a house to keep up constantly I find myself having spare time I never had before. I'll pray on it. Unless you have any other ideas for me?

Happy with what I have...

Moving this time around has been somewhat of a different thing for me that all the other times. This time, I donated 9 (yes count them nine) black yard sacks of mostly clothes and shoes with little miscellaneous things. It was like giving up smoking! I got so attached to having masses of things (I'm not a hoarder, but I did accumulate quite a bit.) But once I got rid of the first few bags, it got easy! I have enough clothes to wear to work, to church, to dance class and to lounge in, and only 5 pairs of shoes. (black heels, brown heels, tennis shoes, slippers and brown sandals) And I'm still getting rid of things! Its such a good feeling to purge old stuff! My closet is actually clean!!!

The reason I started the purge was my dear husband, who when we took the 9 bags to the D.I., gave me the wide eyed look that plainly said you-are-never-going-shopping-again. (actually it was more like sheer bewilderment as to how I accumulated so much crap) Anyways, he started it because we are going to move to Alaska within the next year or so and are driving up there so we are taking as little as possible. So we said goodbye to our furniture, and our first home, and our decorations, and our comfortable 1500 sqft house, and moved in with some friends in their 19 foot camp trailer where I am forced to only have a small amount of things. Its really really nice to not have so much, and that initial feeling of giving up the stuff we had come to love became only luxuries we realized we could get along without until our Alaska house-goal is reached.

Its definitely harder for me I think because I was extremely spoiled growing up. I'm 22 and my mom is still trying to get rid of the entire Barbie isle from WalMart, and all the stuffed animals and all the junk we accumulated through Christmases and yes, EVERY holiday. Christmas morning would take 4 hours just having us 2 kids open presents at a breakneck pace. My husband on the other hand got a box of cereal for Christmas morning. (That's the way to do it moms... disposable gifts. No clutter!)

So I have made up my mind. Aside from going shopping to re-accommodate my wardrobe for garments after the temple here soon, no more going to Ross on my lunch break... no more eBay shopping... I have and will have plenty of clothes and until they completely fall apart, (which some of them are) I will not go shopping. I am happy that God has blessed me with abundance that I will not freeze. Besides, clothes are a material object, yes necessary, but not in excess. I need to focus more on His word and living for Him and not for the next cutest pair of shoes unless the become a my-old-ones-fell-apart-necessity.

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” - Matthew 6:19-21

Trade me sinuses? Please?

I must have pissed off the sinus gods. I had a great head cold 2 weeks ago, was fine and now last friday decided to hit me with a sinus infection on top of that. No rest for the weary right? Ha! Nyquil here I come!! (this little mouse looks how I probably should be, but cant get...comfy.)

Just a minute, let me go rip my eyes out...

Why do people post smut???? Why??? As I was browsing through the blogs on the "next" button... I came across something most unsavory. This is the 3rd site like this (while browsing Blogger) that I have come across and for both yours and my sakes, I will not tell you what they were aside from the fact that they made me blush and want to puke and scream in horror all at the same time. I was supposed to go to lunch here shortly but now my appetite is shot. Shame on you people who put things like that where kids can find them!! If you are browsing Blogger or any other hosts and come across something you wouldn't want your kids to find, or just smut in general, please do your part and report it!!! I wouldn't want my kids seeing it, I'd be completely embarrassed if my parents saw it, and heck, I'm an adult and I don't even want to see it!!!!

In lieu of April Fools Day...

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge.
After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah ... yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!

Gods love for us

I cant seem to get my video setting to work at the moment, so just click on the link. This is a very well put together video worth watching. Really hits home.


http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee. - Psalm 84:11-12

I love being a Christian! Know why?? Because God promises that the closer you are to Him and the more you follow His word and commandments, the more blessed you will be. And God does not break His promises!! I truly can testify of His GREATNESS and His love for us!!

We are able to start business now, praise Him! My husband started his own lawn company, and we needed to get a lawn mower and a trimmer. We found out that we weren't able to finance the deal through the company, but thanks be to God, we were able to pay cash for 70% of it and use an existing credit card for the rest rather than having a new credit card account with a HUGE balance on it. His blessings are everywhere and like this one, it is such a small thing but once realized, it turned into a wonderful situation!! I know it worked out also because we did wait for His timing rather than going gung-ho on the situation and get a mower when we felt we needed one. We have and still are learning that things go soooooo much easier and smoother when we step back and use God's time. I do testify to you that His word is the truth and that blessings do come from heeding it. I testify that prayer and patience according to His will is a necessary part of worship and a wonderful way to become closer to Him. Praise be to Him that lets us live! Amen.

A faithful man shall abound with blessings, but he who makes haste to be rich shall not go unpunished. Proverbs 28: 20

Just call me Cleo - for I am in De-Nile

I've been so overwhelmed latley that Im not sure what to do with myself or even which way is up. Here's the goings on:

1) Were moving to Nampa

2) We are de-junking our current abode

3) We are planning on moving to Sitka, Alaska by this time next year

4) As of last night we are (God willing) trying to move to Alaska by the end of the summer

5) We have to plan for the drive on the Alaska Marine Highway all the way up to Prince Rupert Canada and the ferry over to Sitka when we figure out when we are going to move

6) Have to buy a house from 3000 miles away, but I may have to make a trip up there this summer for paper work???? (There are no such things as cheap rentals up there.)

7) We have to buy a commercial lawn mower for hubbys business

8) Have to tile the bathroom and clean the current house

9) Have to plan it right for getting jobs up in Sitka for whenever we move up there.

10) If we leave this summer, then I cant spend Christmas with everyone...

11) So much more but im getting overwhelmed thinking about it.

As you can see, almost everything is so up in the air and I am just drifting along with the current that I am getting that same feeling as when we planned our wedding. I'd like to just pull an ostrich and call it good. Heelllooo denial!

One of my Favorites

The Walrus & The Carpenter by Lewis Carroll aka Charles Dodgson

The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might:

He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright--

And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily, Because she thought the sun

Had got no business to be there, After the day was done--

"It's very rude of him," she said,"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry.

You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky:

No birds were flying overhead--There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand;

They wept like anything to see Such quantities of sand:

"If this were only cleared away,"They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year.

Do you suppose," the Walrus said,"That they could get it clear?"

"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!" The Walrus did beseech."

A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach

:We cannot do with more than four,To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him, But never a word he said:

The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head--

Meaning to say he did not chooseTo leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat:

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,

Their shoes were clean and neat--

And this was odd, because, you know,They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them, And yet another four;

And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more--

All hopping through the frothy waves,And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so,

And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low:

And all the little Oysters stoodAnd waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things:

Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--Of cabbages--and kings--

And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried, "Before we have our chat;

For some of us are out of breath,And all of us are fat!"

"No hurry!" said the Carpenter. They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, "Is what we chiefly need:

Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed--

Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue.

"After such kindness, that would be A dismal thing to do!"

"The night is fine," the Walrus said."Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to come! And you are very nice!"

The Carpenter said nothing but "Cut us another slice:

I wish you were not quite so deaf--I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said, To play them such a trick,

After we've brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!"

The Carpenter said nothing but"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said: "I deeply sympathize."

With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size,

Holding his pocket-handkerchief, Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter, "You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again? 'But answer came there none--

And this was scarcely odd, because They'd eaten every one.

Ok so painting does suck a little...

(This post is on behalf of my grousing husband...who hates painting with a passion...)

My husband was hired to paint a friends barn-red porch white. Yes, easier said than done. Now I don't mind painting, but it is a loathsome thing to my husband. He spent 10 hours doing 2 coats of primer. I helped out for about 4 hours... it was 11:30pm before he got home. His poor back is so sore. If I could have taken the day off, I would have and helped him. We had the most trouble with all the screws sticking out of the ceiling from where they shingled the roof of it. Tore the roller and the brushes up. (good thing they are cheap!) And then there are tiny little nooks and crannies that need to be white or else you would definitely see barn-red. I am the messiest painter!!! By the time I went home, both hands were completly white, so was my red sweater and I had it ALL over my face and my hair. My husband on the other hand, had a teensy, tiny bit of paint on his pinky. Tell me... how is this possible? I didnt know you could stay so clean and paint at the same time. Its an anomaly.

He is getting a sprayer to do the paint job.... probably should have done that for the primer?? Well, it will be done today, and I am proud of him for stepping up and doing something that he hates in the name of service for others. He's such a great man!

Susie makes Sushi at home now...

Ok so we are never ever going out for sushi again. We decided to make it at home last night... (stunk her house up royal) or rather my mother in laws house. Sooooooooo easy!!!!!!! And tasted great!! And we realized that for $10 from the store, we made about $60 worth of sushi from a restaurant. And we could put as much fish in the rolls as we wanted to! I'd recommend it to anyone.

A few pointers tho:

• Never use fresh water fish... apparently the salt water helps to kill parasites.
• Use fish that has been frozen for a long time. We got ours from the freezer section in Winco. The freezing process also kills parasites. Even the "fresh" fish you get at a sushi bar has been frozen. (Its an FDA standard now)
• Just for safety reasons we steamed our fish on both sides for 20 seconds each.
• Make sure you wipe down your kitchen with anti-bacterial stuff throughout the process as the fish juice gets everywhere since you handle it with your hands.
• We did salmon & tuna steaks with cucumber. (Yum!)