Where is everyone?

Holy crap. I cant get ahold of even one member of my family, on either side, and all my favorite bloggers havent posted anything new in days either! Am I the only one left? I feel so lonely... :)

YAY for Vacations!

Guess who only has a 3-day work week this week?? Yup..MOI! This week is the week we are leaving for Salt Lake. I'm excited for Lagoon and for food, but this trip hold quite a bit more meaning for myself and my husband. (of which I wont say since it's rather personal) But I am really looking forward to getting out of town. Salt Lake City is one of my favorite places in the world. Its so pretty and calm, and the mountains are just gorgeous in the winter. If it werent so dang expensive, I'd love to go skiing at the resort around there. Even the summertime is nice. For an international city, it is clean and quite enjoyable. With very good restaurants.

Even if it is going to cost us more than we'd like, well... whatever. Were in a position where we cant do anything about it so Ive decided that I'm going to have a great time anyways. God will provide. We're going with my in-laws and one of Zac's aunts. (her daughter lives right outside SLC) So now I am just wracking my brains to get all the preliminary arrangements made (apparently I am the only one in the family who knows how to get things arranged..) and settled and reserved. And to make sure all our bills are paid up to date, make sure we wont red-line the bank account while we're there and so on and so forth. Crap. I just remembered I've got to pack.

I really wish sometimes someone would just take the reigns for me. I dont know why I'm the cheif travel agent, bookkeeper, reference/tour guide, etc.... o well. We're gonna have fun dangit. :)

Comparisons and Greener Grass

Why is it so easy to for women to compare themselves with other women? God gave all of us our looks because that is what He wanted us to look like. So why is that so hard to comprehend? I'm no expert, but I personally know that the World does want women to feel bad about themselves so that companies have some leverage when it comes to selling products that will "magically" make you look as sexy as Megan Fox or will make your hair look like you just stepped out of a Hollywood beauty salon. And yet we Christians know that it is just a fakeness and not of a Godly nature but it just seems to dig itself deeper into our psyche. Funny how the devil does that.

There are pictures everywhere of "beautiful people" that (and im not kidding, this was an actual headline on an undisclosed web browser) "women that your husband wishes you looked like". Will someone tell me how in the world that can in any way build self esteem? I mean, women in general are hard on themselves, I am guilty as charged! So if you are already a little insecure about yourself, how good is seeing or even reading that article that will get it in your head that you're just not good enough for your husband but he decided to settle for you anyways for your "personality..."

I am personally of the opinion that the magazine companies sell things that create low self-esteem so that the makeup and cosmetic surgery companies can booster thier sales while the "personal therapists" are raking it in listening to you whine about how awful you feel.

I will be the first to admit that unfortunatly, I am guilty of comparason. And its not just to celebraties, it could be another woman at the mall. Through prayer, Gods good grace and the love of my husband, I can say I have gotten much better. Using the word of God to realize that I am how He wanted me has gotten me to the point that I am able to see His work in other people and respect my God all the more. It is easier for me to snap out of it when I start getting down about it. It says in 1 Peter 3:3-4"Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." Worth memorizing.

If we as godly women can remember that we are indeed the children of God and therefore were made by His holy hand, we can gain His strength to overcome our insecurities and to remember that even those who you see as "better than you" , is one of His creations as well.

The suspense is killing me.

I dont even like suspense movies, so as you might imagine, suspense in real life is absolute torture. I dont know if our guy is going to offer or what he will offer on the truck, so I cant go get approved for the loan for the difference, but I need to find out if we approve before he offers so I dont have to tell him "oh sorry we cant approve to give you the title". Which means that I need to get ahold of my parents to see if they will cosign but they are the hardest people to get ahold of in the universe so needless to say the suspense here is killing me. Arg. And then someone gave us another option of going to the huge used car sale at the fairgrounds where they "work magic" on people with bad credit and are upside down in the loans, so we would trade in for a car and have lower payments and it would be easier to sell a car, but we have a potential buyer for the truck so i dont want to give that up and end up with another car. Goin stir crazy here.

Pep Talks and Truck Sales

*** This is a view from the park in the town we are trying to move to***

So thank you Anna at Hope Road once again for being an inspiration... she posted some audio from a Christian conference New Attitude (I guess its a southern thing... never heard of it in the Pacific Northwest...) that was a perfect pick me up, in fact, I listened to it twice since yesterday! Now I'm not used nor am privy to sermons that are theatrical and emotion-packed and loud, but I put my reservations aside and tuned out the rising and falling of the speakers voice and just heard the message he was giving. It really was what I needed to hear.

It talked about specifically Psalm 42 and your own self/emotions and how God comes into play with it. Its an interesting study. It also talked about talking to yourself rather than listening to the voice in the back of your head. You are able to talk yourself into anything really, why not talk yourself in to being worthy of the kingdom of God? So I tried last night when I was getting a little down in the dumps and gave myself a little pep talk, reminding myself of Gods promises and such and after that I found it was easier for me to pray. Gonna continue on trying this.

Now on to an Alaska note... well... it feels like the timing is right. When I did the math on how much we could save if this guy were to buy our truck, I got a good, warm feeling that Alaska was closer to being attainable. So now we have to find out how much he is willing to give for it, and then find out if we are able to get a loan to pay off the title or if we need a co-signer. I am hoping to try to talk my parents (with IMMACULATE credit) will co sign such a small amout. I have a feeling something will work out... I just need to have faith. And another pep-talk.

Not farming material.

***Before I start, I must say a quick "thank you" to my best bud Cecelia for letting me talk her ear off about my stresses and for her willingness to listen. I feel much better!***

So we went and thinned our part of the church orchard last night. Let me desribe it for you: It was cold, itchy, windy, LOUD, and painful! Why did it hurt? Because all of the kids, and even some adults decided to continue the longstanding tradition of hurling those little unripe peaches at just about anyone. I'll tell ya, those things are about as soft as rocks. I got pelted in the face a few times, many times in the rear, the back of the head and my lovely husband, who was on a ladder getting the tops of the peach trees decided to try launching as many as he could into the hood of my sweatshirt. He got quite a few in, but mostly I had little fuzzy rocks sliding down the back of my shirt. Fun.

All the kids from 5 years old to seniors in high school were busy grabbing peaches from anywhere they could find them and hurl them everywhere and run around and scream at the top of their lungs. Personally, I am not worried about ever running out of ammo in this "recession". We can just throw unripe peaches at the infidels. Feels just about the same.

So I've decided to never run away and join an orchard. Still haven't decided whether or not I prefer having little rocks thrown at me or too-ripe peaches in peach picking season. I can now say I have been subject to both instances... and they both suck but the latter is alot more sticky and gross, but they dont hurt as bad. Maybe I'm just being a weenie. :)

On my mind.

**this is part of the town where we are trying to move**

I feel like I am getting old. I am only 22, but it feels like Im running behind everyone my age. Everyone I know is settled in a home with a husband and at least 1 kid. I've got the husband part down. Maybe its because Nampa is such a small town and no one leaves. I went to highschool with people whos grandparents went to school in that town. I'll be turning 23 this year and its kinda scary. Makes me think about wow, I've been out of highschool for 6 years, and I will be 30 in 7 years. We better start having kids now before we get too old to run after them... we want 2-3 at 2 years apart. When we move to Alaska I think is when we would entertain the idea more. We both would like to start now, but things are way too up in the air to make that kind of commitment. I hope Alaska comes soon.

I am in desperate need to pray harder about that. Im so scared that we wont qualify for a loan and then we wont be able to move, or we will have to wait. I just dont want to disappoint anyone. I tell ya though, this whole thing is stressing me out more than ever. I am working so hard to try to make everything come together that I seem to have got it in my head that I cant relax until we get there. And its taking a toll on my health I know, but I dont know what else to do about it except pray and even then I only seem to get temporary comfort. I do know that we are working with God's time and if it is something that He wants us to do then we will go along with it and if not then we wont force it. It's just hard to remember that. I want a place to call our own sooo bad! I am tired of moving so much. I want a place to decorate, where I can bake and keep tidy and have kids running around. I am not saying Im not thankful for all the places God has led us to stay because each one has been a blessing in itself and my home is wherever my husband and cat are, I just would like to stay put for awhile. Writing it down makes me feel a bit better... but October is so close!! And I'll be 23 in September! I feel old.

Time to buckle down and pray my little brains out.

Very short "Ode to Tea"

I cant begin tell you how wonderful a properly brewed cup of tea is. It is soothing to the spirit and the mind.

Zitface McGee and other random stories...

Its amazing how stress affects people differently. Some people over-eat..some people under eat...some people sleep... me? Ha. I start harvesting zits. I've never had acne, and occasionally I would get one so small only I would notice it. But lately its been a fight with my husband over who gets to "connect-the-dots". The four that I have are finally going away... I give it until about Friday... Oh I can hear the masses of real acne sufferers coming with pitch forks to skewer me for complaining about four little infestations. (Sorry but for someone who has had great skin all their life, I'm panicking..)

So now onto a less stress-impacted part of life... Its raining!! We had a whopper of a thunderstorm Saturday night..lightning every 3 seconds. Was a great night to cuddle up and watch a movie or something. Well... Zac got a craving for something sweet at 11pm, so in the middle of said thunderstorm and the pouring rain, we drove into town to Dairy Queen. Was a bit scary if not wet... Sure did make that chocolate dipped cone of mine taste real good.

We are soooo close to selling the el-trucko!! Finally! It sucks we have to get rid of our newest vehicle, but I don't want to pay $450 a month for the thing. I am praying my little brains out that this is the buyer God intended for us.

Salt Lake is upon us... we have the cost whittled down from $300 to about $98. That is if we take out Lagoon which would mean we wouldn't have to stay a second night which would cut out paying for another hotel. Basically we'd just go down Thursday morning and then mess around Temple Square, stay the night, Friday morning go to our appointment and maybe hang around that place for awhile.. then maybe go to the mall, and then on our way home, it would be optional to hit Kaysville for Tepenyaki... I'd rather not go to dinner as that would cost as much as the hotel, but we still have a week and a half to decide.

Alaska is still on the agenda... slowly but surely. Ireland is still on my mind, but that is just a dream. I've been having a want to go back to France for a bit. I really really hope we can do this Alaska thing by October like Zac wants to... Even though I would love to teach dance for another year. O well. It will be what it will be. If we sell the truck that will be very much helpful in saving at least an extra $200 a month.

Allright, Im done for now before this gets too long.

How do they do it?

Every wonder why there are just certain people who just feel good to be around? Like spirituality and purity and Godliness and comfort just ooze out of every part of their being, and yet they are the relatively same age (22) as you? Even just thier presence on blogs! Its almost intoxicating. Are these people really just more enlightened than I? Or do they just have a better, stronger grasp at God's word than I do? How? How do I get to that point? I want to one of those people that minister by just, well... living! There is a warmness about thier presence that is a comfort, the World would probably label them as goody-two-shoes, but hey, whats wrong with that??

I know I'm not too awful good about studying scripture on a daily basis, but then these people I am talking about, they are just normal people that read scripture and pray and go to church on Sunday. I know they take pride in living holy, and yet they are still sinners in some sense. I don't know what else I can do to live like that! I love my Lord, I read scriptures every night, I pray in the morning, the evening and with my husband every day, I stay away from worldly things that are sinful, I am a good person who tries to help out, I live a profanity-free and modest life, I go to church on Sunday.... Dont get me wrong, I feel Gods presence in my life at all times, and I know that He is there helping me and I am so thankful for it!! But these people just seem to be radiating Him. How do I do that? Maybe I am just thinking I am seeing greener grass. I do know that I need to try harder to live His word. Something to mull over I guess.

Gettin' all political-like on y'all...

Gas is now $4.00 for the cheap crap. Olive oil is going to go up 60% in price because of "bio-fuel" from stupid corn. They are only just now releasing hydrogen fuel cells as a "green alternative" fuel when they've had this technology for years. It's like complete lack of foresight. It's like lighting a candle an inch away from a curtain and then looking at the burnt down house and saying "oh, i guess I shouldnt have had the candle so close."

Sometimes I wonder why God granted some people brains. Its obvious they aren't using them.

Darn.

Ive discovered that no matter how many times or how hard you try... Ramen noodles will never taste like shrimp scampe.

Goal #2

Ok so I've found that this whole "working out" thing is much easier if I set goals for 4 weeks at a time. Starting in May, I set the goal of I would work out every week day until May 23rd, because that is when we were leaving for California. And ya know what? It worked. I did it. And then it felt really wierd taking 4 days off. So starting 4 days ago on Monday, I started again and my goal this time is until June 12th, which is when we leave for Salt Lake. FINALLY! Something that works. Yes, if you couldn't tell, I'm proud of myself. :)

Inspirations

I've been inspired by two lovely people, one of whom I have never met. The first being my best bud Cecelia at Oh Cecelia! . She just found out she is pregnant and usually when my sis-in-laws or others were pregnant or just gave birth I got "baby fever" but then within the hour I had myself talked out of it cuz I realized...uh, yeah right. But this time it is different. I feel different about it. My marriage is awesome, never better... but I know that adding on is the way to add sweetness to life. I am inspired and motivated to work my little tush off to get to Alaska and get settled so we can start a family. We were going to last year and just stay here, but our plans for that got pushed aside for Alaska. Half of it is that I want the security of knowing that we own a house and that there will be no more dang moving so if i were to get pregnant by chance, there would be nothing to worry about.

The other reason I am inspired was because of a blog I was directed to...Brin at My Messy Thrilling Life . She is a single gal who is a great homemaker!! She has inspired me that even though I don't have kids or a house of my own, it doesn't mean that I can't expand upon my efforts to be a good wife and work on my goal of being a homemaker. I dont have to be a decorating diva or have up to the minute styles of whatever wherever I live. I have learned through her that home is where you make it and even if it is a little room in the back of a big house I can still make it a little piece of Heaven on Earth.

So thank you ladies for being you!

Midday delight

This hit the spot:

1 toasted eggo waffle
Hickory Farms Apple Cinnamon Jelly
Butter

Put as much butter and jelly on as you please and chow down. I think what makes it special is the Apple Cinnamon Jelly. Gives just the right "Christmasy".

Warm Fuzzies

I am calm. It is overcast and damp. There is little wind this morning. Reminds me of Alaska. The good side of Alaska, not the stress it is giving me. It reminds me of the last time Zac and I went and we both woke up at 3:30 in the morning and since it doesnt get very dark, decided to get up and take a walk around the quiet town. We walked and went and got hot chocolate with cinnamon and big, hot cinnamon rolls at 5 am. It is those moments that bring me peace and fill me with warm fuzzies.

I've always wanted a big, new farmhouse with a wrap around porch in the shadow of mountains or foothills, with a white fence and lots of aspen and maple trees. We would be a white fenced drive off the road, with lamp lights on either side mingled with the trees. To the right of the house would be the barn and the horses and to the left of the house would be my apple and pear trees and my garden. We'd have two dogs, labs or something, and a few cats and maybe a couple kittens. It would be beautiful in the fall when it is slowly closing in on winter, and Zac and our children could come in from playing and working outside for homemade mulled spiced cider and a hot apple pie just pulled out of the oven that I had spent the late morning fixing. I can just imagine what Thanksgiving would be like. I think I imagine this place in Wyoming or even South Dakota. Somewhere where winter gets snow, fall is crisp, and spring never really turns into summer. I could bake to my little hearts content, and it would be quiet and peaceful. Fall football games in the yard would be a family affair and taking the horses out riding in the snow covered fields just because we could would be fun. The kids would be able to walk down to the end of the drive to catch the school bus, and I could enjoy a hot cup of tea before getting my day started. Christmas would be a flurry of baking and eating, I'd have a big enough kitchen to fit my family. Sundays would be a day of church and just family time spent together. Early in the mornings would be spent on the porch with a hot cup of something with my husband, watching the sunrise over the treetops.

I know this will only ever be just a wish and a daydream, but I think I can make Alaska feel the same way. Your home is only worth what you put into it, so I know that it doesn't matter where you live... at the risk of sounding cliche... home is where your heart and family is. (are?)

Check out this blog...

My friend Cecelia found an awesome new blog I must share! http://messythrillinglife.blogspot.com/
Its about the life of a girl named Brin who lives a sweet and simple life in Texas. Check it out!

Back to reality.

We arrived back in Idaho at 7:30pm yesterday. Looonnggg car ride in a Ford Focus with 4 people, one of which is 6 feet tall... It was so nice to be in California again. The Bay Area is one of my all time favorite places. Especially in May, the weather was wonderful. It was definatly a jam-packed weekend, but it went at a very nice pace. We got in Friday evening at about 5pm and just slugged out with the family. Saturday we got up early and Zac, myself, Shannon, Mom and Dad drove down to San Fransisco and spent the better part of the morning driving around and eating. Zac had never been to San Fran so this was pretty cool for him. We ended up a Golden Gate park on the south side of San Fran and ate lunch, then walked over to the Japanese tea garden. You gotta hand it to the Japanese... it was gorgeous!!!! We probably spent around an hour and a half just walking the trails and looking at flowers. I was going to get a cup of tea there since it was a tea garden, but a wedding party came in and there wasnt a seat. Oh well. Just being there was a stress reliever. Hard to believe that a huge international city was surrounding it. The best part was that you never heard the city. We went back at about 4 in the afternoon to Grandmas house and had a big, yes BIG spaghetti dinner. We had 16 people and mom decided to make 16 pounds... yes POUNDS of sauce. We ended up with about 14 pounds left over. It was good though. Then Sunday we had Grandpas birthday party, catered mexican food was awesome! and then from 4-9pm all us cousins took the BART train to San Fransisco. We toured up through China town and got Sushi, went through the lobby and up the 32 story glass elevator of the St. Francis hotel, and walked around Union Square. Was a blast!! Then we left at 7:30 in the morning on Monday and had a 12 hour drive cuz we stopped a few times to stretch and eat. I will get photos posted when my sister emails them. Now Im back at work and trying to get my head wrapped around what I left behind last Thursday. Ouch.

Gonna buy me a horse.

$3.85 a gallon for gas now. We're turning into communist Russia. Soon all the people who are already rich will remain so or get richer, and the working-middle class and the poor will soon be equals in poverty. Let them eat cake... ha!

California here we come!!

WOOT! We are leaving for Cali tomorrow morning! Which means I've got to get my butt in gear and finish packing. Tonight's going to be a late night. Gotta run home after work and get church clothes, do church stuff until about 8:30, get to Wal Mart, run home and shove everything in a suitcase (if my dear husband hasn't done it by that time), then run to mom's house to sleep. We leave EARLY Friday. I'm looking forward to it. I'm really looking forward to the Mexican food on Sunday at the party. My family is catering in food from the best Mexican place in town. Oh yes... I'm drooling as we speak.

I'm interested in seeing how my cousins (all 3 of them) are faring. All I know is Jessie is 2 years younger than I am and on her own working, Marc is 19 and plays World of Warcraft, and Alyssa is 9 and is a pretty good figure skater. I wonder if they would be up for another yearly round of tag-hide-and-seek-in-the-dark as is cousin tradition at Grandmas house. We haven't played in 5 years cuz no ones really gotten together since then. I'm certainly not too old. :) The weather doesn't look like it will be much warmer than where we are now... I'm hoping for some good ol' California sunshine at least though. I might be able to get on the computer to blog a bit and get some photos up while I'm there, but no promises.

Color therapy.

I am on a color rampage. Im sooooo tired of browns and greys and whites and blacks. All the clothes I just bought I was attracted to the bright jewel tones, I switched my makeup to colors instead of brown and gray. So thus my blog got a bright makeover. Im not sure I really like the background, but I need the color so its good for now.

I am thankful for Him.

So we saw the new Narnia movie last night. Pretty powerful movie when you view it from a Christian perspective. Really made me think about recent events and just how easy it is to go to the darkness rather than forge ahead and work towards the light. But that is Satan for you... the easy way out. Of course its going to be easy to fall into darkness! Satan is the master cheater and liar, if he made it hard to get to him no one would fall! God is the light and He gave us His light that we might prove ourselves worthy of it. The more we go ahead and fight for the light, the stronger we get against giving up and giving in to Satans will. In the movie, Peter asks Lucy (paraphrasing here cuz I dont remember exact verbiage)"Why wouldn't Aslan give us some proof that he's here?" and Lucy answers "Maybe its us that needs to prove ourselves to Him." That is how it is with God. We need to ask of Him and to make ourselves worthy and prove to Him that we are on His side and have no intention of slipping back in with the Adversary. God wants to know that even if He doesn't show Himself at whatever moment, that we are still listening and we are still faithful servants and not doubting Him ever. The moment fear and doubt come into your mind, that is Satan reminding you that he is there ready to snatch you up as soon as you fall out of faith.

Satan is always so close, that we must remain so strong in the presence of trials. We are only human and as mortals Satan does know that we are weak without some power-source in our lives. God is our ultimate power source as we gain knowledge and strength through his awesome power. But Satan also is a power source and we can glean just as much strength from him. He will give us much at once and tell you its ok to use it as much as you wish, because you are all-powerful. But the difference is Satans power will waste you away and he will take back his power for himself and leave you rotted spiritually, mentally and sometimes even physically. If we choose to have God as our ultimate power source, He will give us the strength we need when we ask, we gain light and enlightenment, we gain faith that He is there to catch us if we do fall, and He will restore us through His love. The power we gain through God will never be taken away from us, He gives it to us for the asking and it will never leave us wasted.

How close we let the Adversary come to us! It is scary, but the moment you feel weak perhaps a financial problem arises and you get a bit depressed, or the death of a family member and you dont know what to do with yourself, Satan is just sitting and waiting for you to ask "God, why have you forsaken me?" It is at that moment Satan will say "Your God has left you, let me comfort you." And thus he does showing you alcohol, drugs, sex, suicide... sin. All things that cover things up temporarily, he promises they will make you feel good... but you must keep doing them and end up killing yourself to continue to feel good.

Our God is a God of truth. When you cover things up with the sins of the devil, you are just covering things up. Gods light and His amazing power will show you the truth of all things and when you accept that you are a sinner or have sinned, and are sincerley sorry for following the Adversary, He will warm you with such a love you have never felt before. He is our only constant in troubled times.

Some fine words.

Where there is discord may we bring harmony. Where there is error, may we bring truth. Where there is doubt, may we bring faith. Where there is despair, may we bring hope."
St Francis of Assisi

Thank you.

Oh how uplifting some people are! If you ever get a chance, go read Anna's blog at hoperoadblog.com. Such an uplifting spirit!! I have been going through pangs of anxiety all morning and afternoon from some not so great circumstances and a not so nice phone call...and I got back from lunch and sat down and there was His silent nudging in my mind to read her blog. I ofcourse said to myself "later, ive got to put this file away". (keep in mind my stomach was in knots and i was on the verge of tears) And His voice got louder, so I listened to His voice and her last entry was the exact words I needed to hear. My anxiety is cleared through His good graces and Anna's faith in Him. God is good!!!

So thank you Anna at Hope Road, for your sweet spirit, your kind words, and your "sturdy joy" that brought my faith back to where it should be. I think it is a wonderful thing how God uses other people to influence faith and ministering, even if it is over a blog and not at a church sermon or in a church like setting. I find so much joy in reading the ministerings of others, even if they don't intend them to be of a sermon-like post.

So thank you to all who minister through their posts, and especially thank you Anna, for reminding me that through all trials He is there to catch us.

Dig me a hole.

Ever just want to die? I wouldn't mind right now.

Recital was great!!

The actual performances went great! Saturday Matinee was pretty good, but my girls pulled themselves together by the evening show and it turned out wonderfully!!! I am sure feeling the pain of it though... I've got shin splins and bruises from running up and down hallways and in and out of dressing rooms, my poor little feet were swollen up so much Saturday night...it looked like I was pregnant. I couldnt walk on them the rest of Saturday night and went to church in flip flops and could still hardly walk. The swelling has gone now, but the aching pain is still there... and I am spent. Exhausted. But it is soooo much fun and quite rewarding. I know Zac wants to get out of here as soon as possible, but I would love another year to teach... actually its only 5 months. We'll see. I am supposed to start working out again this week before we leave for Cali, and one day I need to go shopping and get some summer clothes that work with garments. I was thinking since I am so sore I would go shopping today, but the store I plan on going to restocks on Wednesdays.... I guess I have about 3 hours to figure it out. I need a foot rub. Again.

What happens in rehearsal stays in rehearsal..

Well dress rehearsal went as planned....badly. They were trying to get every class in for photos the same time that the rehearsal was going on, but the photographer was taking her dear sweet time so a few dances got rearranged which made it fun trying to run all over trying to find each and every girl to re-update them as to when they were doing what. The performances were marginal, but they always say that a bad dress rehearsal means a good performance. In our case tomorrow should be GREAT. Not to mention it was hotter than u-know-what in there. A bazillion little girls, half a bazillion big girls, a ton of frantic, fussy mothers.... holy cow it was chaos as usual. And hot. Im going to bed now. Im pooped.

Dress rehearsal jitters

Oh man. I've danced and performed for 20 years, and yet now that I teach... Im not even going on stage, I get worse stage anxiety than I did performing! I know it's cuz I want my girls to do well, and I know all but 1 will. We had a mini-dress rehearsal for just my older girls last night at the studio, costumes looked great, everything is coming together nicely... I'm just a bundle of nerves. Definitly not the day to have another 64 ounce diet coke. (that was yesterday, i was WIRED)

The studio offered positions for me to teach two more classes in addition to my 2 pointe classes in the fall. Just the regular ones not pointes. I'd have the older competition team and a beginner middle school class. I hope my husband lets me do it!! If we make it to Alaska by October then I cant, but if we stay for another winter then I can... I guess we'll see what happens. Sigh.

I want one.

Man, I wouldnt have to deal with traffic jams ever again!

A good old fashioned journal entry.

I just feel like writing right now, so enjoy my ramblings. Its hot. And getting hotter. It is supposed to be in the 90's this weekend and guess who has like 2 short sleeve shirts??? Ya. Me. Need to go shopping. My poor husband got up and started mowing at 6:30 this morning (for some reason its light out at that time). So I followed suit (getting up, not mowing) and now at 8:30 in the morning I'm dragging. Doesn't help I went to bed so dang late, but that could not have been helped. I'm still trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that it is indeed Thursday and not Wednesday. That means I have to wake up at least before 6:30 tonight since I have to teach. Oooouuuch. This is hurting my tired little brain. I've got some things I need to get done today but have to wait. I can't call mom until 10am because she is incoherent before that, then I have to wait for my lunch break at 12 so I can go exchange some things at the distribution center, then I have to wait until 5 so I can go home. Zac is going to help his dad out at Scout camp Friday and Saturday. Which is ok for me, I have dress rehersal Friday right after work, and then all day long on Saturday. He is coming to watch the matinee on Saturday, I hope he enjoys my choreography. My intermediate pointe class is dancing to one of his favorite songs. Went through the Temple last night...WOW. What an experience. Got home LATE. Holy Crap I am fading. Where's a diet coke when ya need one? Where's breakfast when you need it? I got up early enough to eat, but I wasn't hungry until now. I need to start keeping things at my desk. I wish I could go home and curl up with a hot pad. O well... The ibuprofen I took better kick in fast as my patience level is very low due to pain. I hope my girls do well the weekend at the recital. My younger ones have it down no problem. My older girls I had to extend practices to Saturday mornings to get them to learn anything. I think half the reason is because most of them are 14-15 years old and wont shut up. Oh well, I wont worry too much. I'm just nervous because if one or two girls mess up alot then it just looks like they hadn't been paying much attention throughout the year, but if all my girls don't know the dance then it looks like I didn't teach very well. Man, its only 9am. Can this day go any slower? For some reason stuffed crust pizza sounds GREAT right now. I cant even eat pizza, but it sounds good. I'm trying to imagine the ramen noodles I'm eating is actually shrimp scampi with a creamy white wine and butter sauce and stuffed ziti. So far it just tastes like pork noodles, but whatever I guess. I ate like crap yesterday... 8 meatballs for breakfast, a 270 calorie cup of noodle, 1 double cheeseburger and 7 jalapeno poppers from Jack in the Box. Oh and about 7 sticks of gum and 12 cups of tea. Crap. Complete crap. But ohhhhh soooo good. So my ramen noodles are just to tide me over and keep me from puking from pain, but other than that I think I am going to take it lightly today. I hope I get a workout in. The distribution center wont take very long, maybe 30 min. max, so that would give me a 15 minute run and then 15 min for weights... I hate waiting to do things that need to be done (on my agenda that is). Ok, I'll shut up for a bit...

HOLY CRAP!

ITS HERE! Tonight!! Holy Crap!! (If you dont know what I am talking about, either email me or be content with not knowing) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooookaayy.....

I knew Star Wars was big, but I didn't think it was that big. The Jedi Church is now an official religion. Wow.

Wow.

Ok so making a list of just the things that i need to get done just in May was a GREAT idea!!!! Going month by month is such a nice way of doing things. That way I only focus on the things at hand and nothing else...it eliminates sooo much worry and anxiety. And the best part is....drum roll please.... as you check off things, your list gets smaller until there is nothing left to do in May!!! What a sense of accomplishment!! I think I will do this every month for the rest of my life! Man... woooohoooo!!!

Little things I find satisfying...

Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer started a list of simple things that satisfies her. I liked the idea so much that I am following suit:

(in no particular order)

My fuzzy cat

Garlic Bread

Clean Laundry

Rainstorms

Perfectly folded towels

A clean car (inside and out)

Beefstick, cheddar and Ritz

A hot cup of tea done up British style

Fuzzy robes (especially the ones that feel like baby blankets!)

Being inside during a big snowstorm

Finishing paying bills for 2 weeks (I can breathe!!)

A good upbeat country song


Man, I could go on and on and on.....

Count how many times I say "excited" in this post...

This month has been an exciting, nerve-wracking, stressful, joyful, most wonderful month all in one. We are getting ready to go on a trip to California to see my moms side of the family for a reunion and my grandpas 80th birthday. We used to go every summer to see my family, but I have not been since 2003!!! I was 18!! (Holy Crap. Im old.) Throughout the years I have seen Grandma and Grandpa and one of my aunts intermittantly when they came up for my wedding, or for my sisters graduation, but the rest I havent seen in a long time. Especially my cousin Jessie, we used to be awesome pen pals. Im looking forward to seeing her the most!! I have no idea what she has been up to or doing or how she has changed... I'm excited to find out. It is also hard to believe that my dear grandpa is 80!! God bless him!

This is the latest photo I have of my cuz Jessie. Looks the same, but different that I remember. Older.

We are also getting excited to go because the day after we get in, we are spending the day in San Fransisco. I love going to San Fran, even was trying to move there... then I saw the prices. OUCH!! My husband has never been to California or any other big place aside from a short stint in Seattle, so he is excited to go and I'm thrilled to show him around. And this will be a vacation we, no... I will be sorely needing. I'm excited.

WE DID IT!!!

I cant believe my husband and I have gotten to this point. We both got our Temple reccomends yesterday!!! We have been together for a very, very long time and up until last October, this just didnt seen possible. It always looked to me that it was something that we both were never going to be worthy enough for, so I didn't bother. But God had it in His cards that we are to go and we are becoming a righteous couple in God... I can't tell you how much it means to us that we as a couple have come so far. I am so proud of my husband! Praise be to the Lord!!

I love the weekends!

Especially Sundays. Sundays I am able to devote my whole being to God and family and I don't feel guilty about not thinking of the things that "need" to be done, or (lately) the stresses of the week. I've learned to do this on Saturdays too. It is nice to be able to set aside your problems for a day or two and recuperate before the Monday blues start up again and I have to actually be responsible...

May resolution update

Oh yes. I almost forgot... heres a quick update on how my "May Resolution" is going...

Well, I'm getting up on time on the week days... check.

I'm showering and blow drying and curling in the morning and not at night on the weekdays...check.

I'm applying makeup that doesnt look like a 4 year old did it...check.

My clothes are set out before I go to bed the night before...check.

I know where my purse is and everything I must take to work is in one spot... ha, ha, ha.

Still working on that, but hey! 4 out of 5 isnt bad! And its working out pretty well. God blessed me with being able to sleep 8 hours a night, and I do and feel soooo much better for it! That I can actually do the 5 steps above! Yes I am tootin' my own horn here, but hey! I'm darn proud of myself. And ofcourse most of the credit must go to Him, for without His help with my prayers to get this going, I still would be looking like quite the unsavory creature. Amen.

I feel better now...

So I'm feeling better. I talked it out, reasoned it out, wrote it down. And I went to bed early. I am doing considerably better today. A wonderful reader wrote me and told me that I dont need to worry, and not to think too much about things becuase 9 times out of 10 I make it out to be something worse than it really is and then I wear myself down and out because of it. So heres what I am focusing on for May:

• Temple classes, bishop interviews and stake stuff done by Thurs the 15th.
• Temple before May 23rd
• May 23rd-26th vacation!!!!
• Dance season ends with recital May 17th.
• I've decided to start praying in the mornings too. I should be doing it anyways, but I'm going to start.
• Get the ball rolling with lenders to see what we qualify for as in home loans.
• Selling the truck and buying a $400 scooter that will save MUCHO gas.

And that is it for May. Unless something else becomes dire, I will not focus on anything else until June starts. It's feeling like things are starting to be put in place a bit. I'm still a little jittery, but thats ok. Thank you all who have emailed me with your prayers! God Bless!

Stinky cat

This is our cat Stinky. It was kinda cute, he got himself all wrapped up in there, I had nothing to do do with him getting under the blanket...

.

And then he got hot being under the blanket so he moved to the bed....

Why can't I get this comfy?

Pray for us.

Had another Alaska anxiety dream last night. Where's the money going to come from? Will we be able to pay off what we owe down here first? What if we cant get a $40,000 home loan? Funds dont just fall into your lap, how are you going to get this put in motion? Are we being realistic in the timeframe we are setting for ourselves? We'll have kids there, is the church strong enough to raise them how we would like? What if our kids never see thier grandparents? And on..and on...and on....

Talk about not a restful 8 hours. Please pray for us that things will all fall into place, and of course I understand that we are working on Gods time. I guess just pray for my peace of mind.

Time Management

I calculated this out and am dismayed:

I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week with a one hour drivetime (normal 40 hour work week)

That equals 46 hours a week I am away from home and family.

I spend 30 minutes in the morning to get ready and then at night I've got from 5:30-10pm to spend at home with my husband.

That equals 30 awake hours a week I am at home with family.

I've got Saturday and Sunday off. (48 hours)

That 48 hours combined with the 30 that I am home equals 78 hours total I am awake and at home.

I am only awake at home and with my husband for a total of about 3 days a week.

The rest is sleeping. There is something very wrong here.

Speaking, thinking and doing.

It has come to my immediate attention that my mouth has been going off at quite innapropriate times and using quite un-Christian like statements. This is my new exercise and challenge to myself. To shut my mouth if I have nothing good to say, and if I do have something that needs to be said, to try to present it in a say that I wouldn't be ashamed if Christ heard it. Also, to try to keep my thoughts as nice as possible, as if Christ were to read my thoughts at every second.

A clean tongue helps to garner a clean mind. A clean mind helps to garner a clean spirit. A clean spirit helps bring you closer to Christ.

And so it begins...

Ok....(deep breath).... October is 5 months away. My stupid TO DO list is ever growing, and so is my stress... however so is my pocketbook..(slowly..yay!) I have decided to take it one day at a time. I am no longer allowed to be lazy and put things off for tomorrow. We have done marvelously at not spending money. We did splurge $1.98 on a snickers and a coke last night though... It's funny, after you stop consumer-izing just how much $1.98 means when you are trying to scrimp and save. It means that your $498.00 account could have been $500 instead. Every penny does count. And it is nice not making multiple trips to the store to get things you forgot, then waste gas on a trip for something trivial. Gas is up to $3.65 where we live. I can only imagine when it gets up to $5. I'm going to have to start walking to work. (joking..its a long way to work)

I've got to get my ducks in a row here soon, and fast! Right now all my thoughts and to do's feel like they've been mushed in a ball of playdoh and I have to pick out each and every single one. Although a few big to do's and worrys are going to pass here soon... our temple classes end on the 11th, and then our meetings with the bishop and stake president are the 13th... and then our endowment session will be the next week, and after all that is over it will be a load off my mind because then we will have it over and done with and can go anytime. And then all we have to do in that facet is get our own temple clothes and go to Salt Lake, which is more of a vacation that anything else. And then with those things checked off the list, I can focus a little more clearly on the rest of the things that are muddled up in my gray matter.

...because its all rocket science.

Tea is drunk to forget the din of the world. ~T'ien Yiheng

I have decided that aside from the warm arms of my husband, there is nothing more comforting and relaxing than a properly prepared cup of tea. (ask Emily at Unfurling Flower for info on how to prepare) To get lost in a hot, sweet cup of tea is complete bliss. For those moments of sips, your worries are drowned out and you can breath. What a great thing.

I love this....

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, ‘All right, then, have it your way.’”

-C. S. Lewis

Communist USA

I may as well be in a bread line in Communist Russia. Food prices are SOARING! I just went to do my bi-monthly grocery shopping. HOLY COW!! I didnt even get half the things on my list just for the sheer fact that, well...its too dang expensive. (so is fuel by the way...)

Although on a good note, it does force me to weigh the differences between wants and needs. But still. When a small box of tea that cost $1.97 a month or two before now costs $3.89.... there is something wrong with that. Gripe gripe gripe.

...and it's all rocket science.

Is it really that hard to find a cute, modest one-piece bathing suit, that is not size XXXX for under $40??? Maybe I'm just being cheap. But $40? Seriously?? All the ones that are quite immodest are under $40... but all the modest, coverage-offering one are over that price and are for people who usually dont want to be seen in a bathing suit anyways. Stupid world. Im not a huge fan of tankinis, as the water tends to balloon your top up and then gets twisted around you...but I may be willing to relent and perhaps sew both peices together. Any ideas? Anybody?

World class sluff-off

Man... lazy has been the word of the year so far. Yes, I did try to make some resolutions, a few which I actually kept. But I've been sluffing through since January not on my bills, nor my housekeeping, nor my job. I've been sluffing off on myself. Yes I shower, yes I am very hygenic-concious. However I cant get my lazy bum out of bed at a time in the morning that gives me some slack to actually do my hair, or apply makeup in a way that doesnt look hurried. If I shower at night, that means that my thin-fine hair is EVERYWHERE in the morning so the best I can do is a pony tail... I dont have time to shower again that morning to tame it, which means that I dont have the time to do anything except swipe on some mascara in the car and go. I've gotten better about remembering to put my clothes out the night before so I dont go to work looking like I just got out of bed, but so far it has been constituting about 1-2 days a week. Sooo.... 3-4 days out of the week I am a disheveled mess. Not to mention...IM STILL TIRED. Hmmm...

So for 1 month, all of May, I am going to make a resolution or two. Or three.. Well.. I ended up with 7.

• I WILL get out of bed when my alarm says


• I WILL set my alarm for 20 minutes before I have been getting up


• I WILL get a shower in the morning no matter if I took one the night before


• I WILL put my clothes together the night before


• I WILL have my purse, keys, water bottle, etc... in one spot ready to grab in the morning


• I WILL have gas in my car the night before so I dont have to waste 10 minutes getting to the gas station before jumping on the freeway (yes, this is a common cause of my being late)


• I WILL DO THIS FOR DAY 1-31 OF MAY

Lord help me.

The Rebelution

YAY to the guys that started The Rebelution blog. What an uplifting find to see that young people are taking the reins on issues like modesty, chastity, and their main theme: A TEENAGE REBELLION AGAINST LOW EXPECTATIONS. (they've even got a book!! see here)

Finally! Some one is speaking out to the youth and even young adults about the low expectations this world has for them and how to rise above it and become moral, choice people within the gospel. And the great part about it is... the youth are listening!!!!!

Check out the site. Its a great one if you have pre-teens or teens, or even if you are a young adult! Im sure older adults can glean something from it too. Kudos to Alex & Brett Harris for starting something wonderful!!!

What I've learned about grace... (this is a bit long)

So I'm on the last day of my secular fast, I originally thought I would conclude Wednesday, but turns out that I can't count to 7. So, on this ending day (the real day 7), I am going to post (fittingly, I think) what I have learned of the grace of God through secular fasting and turning more of my attention to Him and away from the world.

First note: God is good. I never really, truly understood it until lately. God is and really has been good to us. He has blessed our lives with large things as well as small things, and then again with microscopically tiny things. It is those teeny, tiny things, the things that are there that we look over and don't recognize as daily blessings. I see His goodness and grace in the way my husband looks at me after a kiss. I feel it in the peace he gives me when I get stressed. I saw it in the little 6 year old neighbor boy who came to our yard looking for his blankie in the middle of the night. All things that just seem to be a daily occurrence or even just out of the blue that we just brush off either so mundane or so small they are overlooked, are each in turn a teeny bit of God. He is good in that He has shown Himself to me in the smallest of things.

Second note: It was grace that saved me. I don't pretend to be a perfect person, indeed before October of 2007, I was a wretch. (And a wreck...) It was not until I fully accepted God as my Heavenly Father and Jesus as my savior, that I was saved from the claws of sin. (Again, still not saying I'm perfect) By sending His son to die for mankind, I was fully able to repent and lament my sorrows and know that after I did that, He would forgive me... and I could have life through His grace and goodness. Without the atonement of Christ and the grace of our dear God, I would not have been able to be lifted up enough to glorify or serve Him. Nor would I have the opportunity to be given eternal life through His words. The grace of God fell upon me that day in October, He showed Himself to me and just what He would have me do. I am ever so thankful that by His saving grace, His divine plan that I have a father and a savior who care enough about my soul that He would take the time to show me His most holy righteousness.

Third note: He is everywhere, in everything.. truly, He lives. God made the world and I think that people forget about it. I did. We take everything this planet has to offer without even thinking about the beauty of it. Yes, God gave it to us to use, but do we ever recognize just how much of Himself He poured into its creation? Every single thing, including mosquitos (I'm still of the opinion they are a waste of fiber) everything has a purpose and is on this earth to do their duty to God's purpose. How amazing it is to think that God thought to put the leaves on the trees in that specific color green, or that the yearling steer in our pasture is just the exact color and height of how God created it. Or even our own body, who's organs "talk" to one another without us even having to constantly think that our heart is beating, or that our lungs are inhaling properly. God's plan is in everything and is constantly being overlooked. Now I'm not going completely environmentalist on you here. I believe that the Earth was created for humans to utilize, and God even states he put the animals and plants here to sustain us here for the time we are on this planet. I'm just saying, God's beauty is everywhere, in everything. Truly, through His creation, He lives.

I have been at peace for the past week, and it has been a nice change. Am I going to keep my changes up? Probably most of them. I don't miss TV or movies as we don't have a TV. I know I will definitely be more selective in what I do watch though if I ever get a TV. I know I will be more selective in what I subject myself to listen to, or to read, or to look up on the Internet. I've decided all things in moderation and to be selective in cleanliness and morality and the more they glorify God and His teachings, the better. The farther off that topic they are, then I will try to stay away from. I have found more free time to be outside and to get things done that need to be done rather than to be lazy and decide that I am going to surf the Internet instead. I feel changed, my priorities have definitely changed. There is too much of Gods great, glorious words and world to waste on man-made ideas and ideals. I'm still not perfect, nor will I ever really be... but I feel this is a step in the right direction, and I have become a better person because of it. I think I may make this a monthly deal.

Through Him also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God. Romans 5: 2

Men primp in cars too, ya know...

I never noticed until this past week how many people, men and women, primp and check themselves out in their rearview mirrors at the stoplights on the way into work. It's interesting to think that we are all different people and yet quite alike in our mannerisms and ways we think.

1 hour with God

The drive to work takes about 30 minutes. So does the drive home. That is one hour I get to sit by myself. I listened to a devotional this morning on the way in about the joy of solitude. It asked, when do you get your alone time with God? Do you set aside time to pray and to just forget about everything for a little bit?

So I got to thinking... well, I wrench myself out of bed, peel my eyelids back to the point where I can kind of see, grumble on the drive to work, work, then grumble through the drive home, then tend to my husband, make dinner if he hasnt already, teach dance if its Thursday, laundry if its Sunday, clean something, read scriptures with my husband, pray and go to bed. Hmm... theres not alot of alone time there, and quite frankly, I do love my life and the time that I am able to spend being busy. And really, I'm not that busy in comparison to others. But I was still lacking that time to set myself apart from the day and talk with Him. I reveiwed my schedule again and figured, when I drive to work and back, what am I doing to fill that time? During the fast, I have just been quiet and enjoyed the silence. But then I heard that devotional this morning, and it told of a busy city engineer who had an hour ride into work every morning and that somedays he was so busy he didn't even get a lunch break. He used his commute time, when he was the only one in the car stuck in traffic, as his "alone" time with God.

I have a half an hour each way every day. I am able to use this to either listen to devotionals, or ponder the thoughts of Him, or to pray, or to sing to His glory. My time shouldn't be wasted by listening to the "drive at 5" top 10 songs of the week... or by wondering what in the world the driver in front of me is doing. So from today on, I will make the effort to use my drive time wisely.

Proverbs 3:6 - in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Clarification

Ok... Ive had some questions as to what a fast is... here ya go:

Fasting = the abstaining or detoxing from something or things for a set amount of time, usually used for spiritual or religious purposes, although in some circumstances is very beneficial to the physical body as a detox.

Secular Fasting = abstaining from secular (worldly) things. For instance, in my current secular fast, I am abstaining from TV, Internet aside from the blog, any printed materials that do not glorify God (ie:newspaper, magazines, ideals of the world), radio & music, or electronic games.

What I call "normal" fasting = abstaining from food or drink for a 24-hour period, detoxes the body, causes you to be humble in prayer and hopefully in all things. Prayer ususally acommpanies any kind of fast, and therefore you can use a fast to pray for the healing of others as well as yourself.

Also, read here for a detailed explination http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fasting. It gives some insight to fasting throughout different religions and such.

Day 3

It seems like I've been doing this for such a long time now! And yet it has only been 3 days. I have decided that I need to do another day of normal fasting on top of my secular fast... I cant find the words to explain it right now, but even just a normal fast without the secular one is very humbling and enlightening. I am more at peace one the third day of a fast than I have been in about 6 months. It's quiet. I feel Gods presence moreso than before because now that I cut all the clutter and the noise out, I can hear Him. He really does provide for us and His word is the way.

I am finding out that when you take out all the media and the worries of the world and all the things that have a negative impact... like the news.. every hear anything uplifting? Ive found when you take all that out, the beauty of the Earth that God made becomes apparent to you again, as if you are seeing it for the first time again through they eyes of your 6 year old self. It almost feels like I am seeing everything for the first time, just in a new light.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. - Psalm 100

Phillipians 4:11-13 (harder than it sounds)

1. Have to find out if we are even qualified for a $48K loan.

2. Have to find a house that we like for that price

3. Have to find 2 jobs there that will pay the same or better as down here

4. Have to try to buy an in-bed camper for the drive up

5. Have to find the money to put the truck on the ferry to get to Alaska

6. Have to find the money to put Earnest Money down if we do get a loan

7. Have to sock away every little bit of change and dinero we get

8. Have to figure out what we are taking and what goes to the thrift store.

No more wasting... no more wanting. I am going to be fasting for the rest of my goll-darn life. I am just thankful that we are going to the Temple before all of this commences completely.

Here is the main point that I will continue to fast on that I may be able to adopt this and through it gain understanding:

"Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

Let us be silent, that we may hear the whisper of God..

It's quiet. I haven't turned on my radio, I don't have a TV, and I have no idea what's going on in the news, although I'm sure nothing has changed since the day before yesterday and this is the only Internet I have been on. I was right. My head is clearing. My prayers are easier to say and I am saying them more often. I'm focusing more accurately. It's nice. I don't have the radio on for the 1 hour drive to and from work, it gives me a chance to just be still. Or to sing. Or to get some thoughts in order. (road rage is also diminishing) I don't feel like I am on a super caffeine high, all jittery and moody. I've been able to cope a little better with my stresses. This is nice. I am looking ahead to next Wednesday, seems so far away and yet only 5 days to go. I cant wait to see the state I have progressed to by then.

So even though I am secular fasting for 7 days, yesterday I was also normal fasting too. I broke that with a trip to The Olive Garden. Had shrimp and stuffed ziti in cheese sauce. Not one of their better dishes, but kudos to me for trying something new. I am doing another normal fast today, and I think this will be the last day I do, although it seems to help my humbleness and my ability to be a bit more spiritual than normal. Perhaps I will add the normal fast in every other day until my secular week is over.

So far, I would recomend a secular fast to everyone. Its difficult in the beginning because we get into such a routine of reading and viewing that we get into a rut. But so far, I am liking getting out of the rut.

Suprises...

It's amazing how your view of someone can change in an instant. One minute the are the most cantankerous catfish ever, but every so often they suprise you and do something so out-of-the-way nice that you begin to see that what they let everyone else see is just a shell as to what's really going on inside. Life never ceases to be unpredicatable. I kinda like it.

Musings of day 1

So it's still day one... and it's hard. Not to keep everything out, just to keep my mind from not shutting up. Throughout some prayers today, I have had a slight revelation that perhaps things are not as bad as I make them out to be. Perhaps God has us held closer than I realized. I am slowly getting some clarity, and as hungry as I am getting, I am starting to feel at peace. Man, give this a week and I'll be in Nirvana! (lol, just kidding) The weights feel like they are being slowly taken from my shoulders and my heart isn't as heavy as it was 5 hours ago as I am realizing that God is so much closer and willing to help if I just pray and ask for His guidance.

I think that a lesson from Job could come into play here. I know a lot of people who praise the Lord in times of great abundance, but when trials come, their faith wanes and they wonder "where is God? Why has He let this happen to me? I thought He loved me?" He does love us, and our trials are His tests of faith to remind us that we should love Him too. And as Job suffered trials, his faith stood strong and God did bless him for his steadfastness. I am learning this.

If anyone is reading this, I would much appriciate your prayers.