I think I might be learning something here....

I think I might be learning something here… yesterday, I was irritated beyond belief, I haven’t been so mad in a long time. I stuck it out and bottled my anger up for the last 15 minutes of work and got home. I had to take a deep breath before I walked in the door. One thing I promised Zac was that I would leave work at work and when I was home, work wouldn’t matter. So Zac was busy with something and I went in to the room to change into sweats…and the most bizarre (I say bizarre for lack of a more awe-implicating word) thing happened. The second I sat down, I was overwhelmed with the need to pray for forgiveness and repent. For myself! I asked for forgiveness that I got so angry with the person and the situation, and for the awful feeling I projected towards them. I asked for forgiveness that I might be able to see perhaps where they were coming from with the point of view. I can tell you that I was amazed and astounded that this was coming out of my mouth…Usually I wouldn’t even bother, and I’d just sit and stew and replay what I should have done over and over and over again until I’d exhausted the scenario. (yes that’s how my mind works, I don’t know why.) And I know that as a Christian, that doing that sort of thing isn’t following the Light, nor is it the example I should be setting. I prayed a bit more on a few other things that went along with this situation, but I wont go into all that. The main point is that I never really had thought about asking for forgiveness for myself. I had always asked for help forgiving others. But I understand now that not repenting and asking for God to forgive you is just as much of a sin as not repenting for anything.

And the best part is…this morning, I felt great about it. I think it really made a difference in how I dealt with this person today. Last night, I think I actually learned the power of the Atonement and the power of repentance. Its there for a reason, and yes, it does work.

No sunshine and rainbows here.

Im sorry, but I must vent. Vehemently. I am sooo seethingly incensed right now I could cry, scream and throw things violently. I wont go into specifics for certain reasons, but I will say that the difference between Europeans and Americans is huge and I miss Europe. I'm soooooooooo tired of this petty crap about how everyone must look "just so" or else they are pegged as pretty much a leper.

I dont get it, I hate it and I could scream right now and bottling this up for the next 15 minutes until I get off work hopefully will hold. What self righteous snobby pigs are we that cant even bother to see the person rather than the face. I dont get it. I never ever ran into that in France. NEVER. No one cared if you did or didnt wear make up, no one has "hair do's", fashion is optional and quite a bit more realistic than here. No one cared if men had beards, went bald, wore rings...Sheesh. We are so damn based on looks its appalling.

Im pissed. i havent been this pissed off in a LONG time. This is even worse than the whole family issue that is still hanging over my head. And Im hoping that it will go away soon. I'll have to have a talk with the big guy upstairs and hope that by talking with Him, I shall calm down enough to at least breathe.

Heellllooo Promotion!!

Like I said in my last post - 2010 will be a great year. I just got a HUGE promotion just handed to me on a silver platter. I am starting out as the assistant business manager for a little bit and then after the 1st year I will be a business manager on job sites, and the positions jsut keep moving up every couple years or so. And i can tell you what, people who are at the 20 year mark make beaucoup bucks! And here's the kicker - they pay for all my school. :)

So after I get trained here in the district office, I will be moved around to the jobsites as needed, so we will be moving alot, but with places like Hawaii and British Columbia (among others)...no complaints here! OH!! and theres a chance that I could get sent to one of our Canada jobs, because since I speak French, Ive been doing the document translation here in the district office, they said that is a good skill with this company.

I am so overwhelmed with happiness that I am totally out of dead-end jobs! I would be so stupid to not have taken this, as i have no degree and all my experience was self taught. Silver platter indeed!

I am quite flattered, and soooooo thankful that God has placed this opportunity in front of me. I have been praying for something to come along, amazing what a little patience with the Lord does... It feels SOOOOOO good to finally get recognized for my skills!! That I can do waaay more than spreadsheets. Its funny, because I actually had two opportunities ahead of me, the first that came up was to get moved up to the IT and web design staff, but the right people weren't there at the right time and this business management postition fell into place right as we were trying to discuss the IT thing. I FINALLY HAVE A CAREER!!

I was going to start school anyways this summer and set a career path as a Doctor of Radiology...mainly because I am sooo tired of being the breadwinner, but only able to bring a dinner roll home because of no degree. Dont get me wrong, I would really enjoy med school, however I was doing it more for the money. And not to mention the prospect of it, I couldnt wrap my head around really. There was no passion behind it, but that was the plan. And then this came in to play...almost too easily. Everything just fell into place, and I am a firm believer that when things just happen like that...somebody upstairs is trying to tell you something.

I never went to college in the first place because, dammit, i want to do and be everything! I still do. However, one can only do so many things in a lifetime..and now i've got a chance to go for one thing.

I cant tell you how excited i am..although im sure you can probably guess.

I think this is the first year evah.. that I am excited and motivated for the new year. 2010 is going to be my best year yet! I bought a planner.

Ok so that really doesnt make a difference, what makes a difference is that I am actually using it. And I have so many great things to look forward to this year, despite the family issue, I am very happy and excited to see how this year transpires. The only exception is that this year will be the year my son turns 1...Im not sure I'm ready for that.

Things are going GREAT on the job-front, (more about that in another post, mostly because Im waiting on some details...) home life is cozy and we have made that much more of an effort to read scriptures and do family home evening and relate more of our conversation to the positive and he spiritual aspects of things....our son is an absolute joy, I cannot remember what life was like without him...I am making an effort to make my prayers a little more substantial and meaningful, and to do it more often. My hours at work have changed to 8-5pm so I am now being able to squeeze in 1/2 hour workouts every day after I get off work. I am working on a plan to be a little more organized when it comes to paperwork and finances, could always use a little fine-tuning...and making a little more time to squeeze my Stinky-cat.

I'm excited and rarin' to go. I've even gone so far as to make a long term (10 years!) goal, that this whole next decade, that each day I am going to be the person I'd like to be tomorrow and that by the time 2020 rolls around (isnt that weird to think about still? 2020?) that my family and I are going to be in a place where spirituality, good times and stability will just be a way of life.

And I am truly thankful for the chance I have been given to make a difference in my family's lives for the better and for the opportunities that have been basically handed to me. (again, more on this when I get all the details.) I am so thankful for the friends we have made up here and for how much of a support system they have been for us this past year. And it goes without saying, that I am grateful for our families back home, that they have given us all thier support and unconditional love throughout the past 4 years.

Speaking of 4 years...in one month...we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary!! I know he doesnt read this blog...but Zac, I love you and am so grateful for your love and support and for stepping up and being the best "mr. mom" in the world!

Its going to be a good year. :)

Fast and Thank-imony meeting

Today I rejoiced that church started at 11!! And for one whole year!!! And then I realized it was Fast and Thank-imony meeting. (yes i know the proper name is fast and testimony meeting) however, hardly anyone gives testimonies. They all say what they are thankful for and thank their families for loving them and while that is all well and good, they aren't testimonies of the Lord.

Testimonies are that you know in your heart of hearts that something is true. For example, I know that Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God. That is a testimony because I can (key word here..) testify that it I know it to be true. Thanking God and Christ and our families for what we have and have been blessed with is for prayers. The presidency of our church even put out a letter to every meeting house we have that tells us that Fast and Testimony meetings are not health-logs, prayers, sermons, family updates or story time. (among other things.) And it seems that it fell on deaf ears all over the country. So far the only real "testimony-like" testimonies are from the little kids, and all they are doing is repeating what facts are taught to them!

The few people who go up and actually bear witness to the truths that they know of our Lord, I love to listen to. I love to know that they know they are cared for by our Saviour. The rest, well I feel for you, and Im glad you are so thankful that you start weeping, however give me substance! Let me know that you know the Saviour! Let me know that you are convicted of Christ! Show me that Christ has made such an impact on your life that you need to share His truths! Build my strength up by letting me know that the truths I know are shared by you!

Otherwise I might end up like the few youth who were sitting in front of me texting on their phones all meeting long and getting nothing out going to Sacrament Meeting.

And so it begins...

Welcome to 2010... its going to be a very different year for us this year. I am not going to say much on the matter until next Thursday when I find out for sure just how different things will be. but I know it will be better that last year.

Last night was like any other night. We cleaned, made dinner, played on the computer, changed diapers, comforted a neurotic cat (fireworks.), and then I hit the hay at midnight. Some how I made it until then.

Today I hope to do absolutely nothing but eat, putz around the house and clean up my kitchen. Happy New Years to you!

Hello again..

I cant believe its been 10 days since i posted! Time sure flies. Christmas was better than I thought it would be due some wonderful friends :) Christmas morning we went to the Wilcox's for breakfast and hung out there for a bit...and then for dinner got invited to the Post's for a yummy dinner and games. All in all, it was a really nice holiday.

Tonight is New Years Eve...I dont think I will make it until midnight. I was up rather late last night. But then again I get tomorrow off. And monday I start 8-5. (YAY!!!)

Other than that, not a whole heckuva lot has gone on since then...I got new jeans (finally), a flat iron and a few other things that I needed.

Im starving...Lunch didnt hold me as long as I thought it would. Well i dont have much eles to say at the moment, i have to leave work now.

Getting into the spirit of things.

So for those of you who have kept up or at least read the last few posts...my Christmas spirit basically met up with a black hole and was gone forever. Or so I thought..As it gets closer to Christmas, and as I have prayed and wallowed in my pity and all the fun stuff that goes with it, Im starting to enjoy myself quite a bit more. So in the name of Christmas spirit...here's a meme I swiped off of Jenny from One Thing, who as she put it: "Purloined from Lifenut, who poached it from Clover Lane, who, ostensibly, conjured it up right out of her own brain. "

1. Best childhood gift from Santa: Gosh...we got so many from him...the only one I really remember well was my stereo set...although that was the year I realized having a 5-cd changer was not the coolest thing in the world. It was such a pain! oh and not to mention LOUD.

2. Best childhood memories: lol...me and my sis teaching my dad how to do the macarena. ya know...cuz we were cool like that. ok and the other one is christmas eve seafood buffett...just one night a year i was given permission to die and go to heaven in garlic butter sauce.

3. Favorite Christmas cookies: hmmmm...thats a hard toss up between EVERYTHING. A cookie is a cookie is a cookie...

4. Icky Christmas memory: Oh there are so many i could choose from and all involve family members (including me.)

5. It’s not Christmas without: sigh..my family.

6. Our Church Service: has a dinner the week before, but nothing day-of...which I like :)

7. Christmas Pet Peeve: I saw mommy kissing santa claus, all I want for christmas is you, that dumb song by john lennon and yoko, and the rum-pum-pum song. oh and petty family crap.

8. Favorite Christmas CD: THE CARPENTERS!! Really. Best cd you'll ever buy.

9. Real or Fake: as long as it looks like a tree i dont care.

10. I spend Christmas Eve: well normally, i'd be stuffing my face full of scallops and crab and stuff at my parents house, watching our christmas shows we taped in the 80's and opening one gift a piece before bed. This year...um...i'll watch some shows cuz i found them on YouTube...and we'll probably eat leftovers...i'll change a diaper or two...Im assuming it will be like any other day.

Ok, back to what I was doing before blogging took over. :)

Its raining again. but its not cold.

Well I can safely assume that life has not ended. The world

is still turning, albeit perhaps on a slightly more tilted axis… I’ve made the decision that we will stay in Vancouver for Christmas, I think it is the best move for now. And besides, it will give us some time to create our own traditions. I’m still irritated, but my Christmas spirit seems to be coming back. I miss my family and the friends we were going to see, but perhaps next year things will be better. Or Cecelia and Aaron can come for a vacation to the Oregon Coast this summer…..(hint hint… J)

I am looking forward to a new year, this year I hope to get more organized than I ever was..I’ve also convinced myself I need a blackberry.

I was trying to get a new profile pic down... ended up looking like a yearbook pic. I wish my year book pics actually looked like this:

We went for portraits last Sunday, Pierce did great! I was surprised how much he let us pick him up and move him and such…what a peach! The portraits turned out great, I’m very pleased.

I finally was able to reconnect with my friend in Paris that I’ve known for 10 years already!! I cant believe it’s been that long. I met her in 9^th grade as her pen pal. I love Facebook for those reasons.

Oh! And im getting excited too…my company just hired on another HR person, and she will be taking the 9-6pm so that means that I get the 8-5 shift!! YAY! I’d prefer the 7-4 shift, but o well. And I don’t have to answer phones anymore.

Ok that’s all ive got to say. Ive got a stupid wreath under my desk here, its giving me a headache and I cant move it and I cant think.

This is not going to make any sense..

I'd like to cry. But big girls dont. And i'd like to pretend im a big girl...so therefore i wont cry. besides i started this whole blogging thing as an outlet for myself. I feel powerless sometimes. Like i've got as much influence as the kleenex on my desk. And i know some people would prefer it that way, but to put it plain and simple, I dont. Two can play at this game and I think its best that I converse with the Lord on my game strategy. Turns out Im not so good at strategy games...mysteries and puzzles yes...so perhaps if I change my viewpoint and look at this as a puzzle or a challenge to solve I can do it. Im pretty good at those. Strategy games takes quick thinking and I dont particularly have that ability. I like to think things through and weigh all my options so I come out on top. It takes awhile sometimes but I've learned that if I move slowly sometimes things get resolved without my brilliant plans. And when they dont then I know that Ive covered all my bases.

Now if you'll excuse me, Im going to go lose myself in a Miley Cyrus song.

Overreacting.

Breathe in. Breath out...slowly this time. Ive found that overreacting and hyperventalating go hand in hand. I also just discovered, thanks to spell check that overreacting - "c"-"r" = overeating. Just a side note..

Anywho... I am ok. My christmas joy has only been dampened..not snuffed out forever. Its better when I dont think about things and know that there is always a higher purpose for crappy deals. I am in a good mood (denial perhaps? Im good at that...) and still enjoying my family and Christmas music. I still am having a hard time coming to terms with a few of the terms, however I havent had a beer yet so thats a step in the right direction. Lol.

My headaches over this are going away, although everytime i think about it they return. And I've been up and down like crazy too... its driving me crazy not to mention...one second im estatic and the next i remember some of the conversation that ensued and then im pissed, then returning to happy and then depressed, but only for a split second because then POOF! im over it again. Once again, January is looking mighty fine.

I get to go jeans shopping again! Im looking forward to bringing back a little sexy in my life now since becoming "mom". Im excited, i hate the jeans i have. While yes they serve their purpose...they've had one too many tours around the war zone. Its time they retired into a purse or something...ooohhh...or perhaps a skirt. I used to make a ton of jean skirts like that in highschool..good idea Courtney..oh and since ive got a bit mad I've started talking to myself...

ok..gotta go.

oh boy.

What a day yesterday. So I spent all day stewing about that stupid phone call, felt like crapola, then ended up driving the long way home to think, needed gas so i pulled in to 7-11 and ran out of gas in the parking lot and wasnt able to turn into a pump so i had to go buy an overpriced gas can and fix the situation, then drive home..didnt get home until 6:45 to a grumpy husband, didnt make that stupid phone call because of the time difference and felt like worse crap until i went to bed.

Only good part was i got to cuddle with my little one for hours in the recliner and hug my hubby. hope today goes better.

Im at work until 12 today, then we are doing something until evening, then going to the festival of nativities to see the nativities ( obviously) and our friend lindsey sing in her cantico choir. its freezing cold and im hungry tired and moopy.

i have an hour before i have to make that stupid phone call. wish me luck.

Bah Humbug or not to Bah Humbug?

I am anticipating today as being a hard day. Work was alright, Im talking emotionally. There has been a feud between 3 members of my family, 3 very close-to-me members. It has been raging for 6 years. And in those 6 years, there has been hardly any speaking of this feud, only covering up of feelings on one side and both sides believing they are right. And I am in the middle as mediator. I purposely didn’t get into Law specifically so I wouldn’t have to mediate domestic issues. Load of crap.

Now that Pierce is in the picture and it directly involves his relatives, not to mention in affects my general happiness and piece of mind… it is time for this feud to end. So that means that I get to make the preliminary phone call to discuss the matter at hand and to then schedule the conference call that will settle the deal. The only issue after that is whether or not one party gets the answer they want. If they do I will be the happiest most ecstatic girl in the world. If not, well there goes Christmas joy for me forever. Not to mention joy in general. I will probably take up drinking again. So I get to do some manipulating for myself because dammit Im not allowed to be happy unless a specific someone gets their way.

Time to bury the hatchet. I wish it were as easy as digging a hole, throwing the so called “hatchet” in there and then fill in the hole and be done with it. But will either side let it go? Noooooooo. I understand both sides reasoning’s, and both are justified in a way to believe what they will. However, when I am now being manipulated into being mediator, (I realize I have a choice not to, however that wont benefit me in anyway and probably make the situation worse if I don’t step in.)

I am just hoping that I will get both parties to agree to a phone debacle instead of when we go back to Idaho (Christmas) because I really would like to have a nice Christmas. Im so irritated with both parties its not even funny. If this doesn’t go well I would seriously like to consider a beer. Or three.

Condition/Uncondition

Why is it that some people are so damn conditional? Why? It pisses me off to no end, and the worst part is that it does no good to call them on it because they were wronged once and now the world owes them everything and they will remind you of that time and again. And why must this always happen around the times of year I look forward to?

Stress is not something I relish, nor do wish on anyone else...no, not even the conditional people. But sh** people! I'm going to be selfish just for a minute and yell at all you stress-givers...STOP STRESSING ME OUT! I am only one person, working one job, trying to raise a baby and keep a husband happy while trying to pull strings and keep the production running smoothly from behind the stage all the while trying to enjoy the Christmas season because its supposed to be the only time of year where I am able to relax! SO CUT IT OUT!

So in the name of de-stressing...as you saw in the last post, I put up our tree...measuring a whopping 12" tall. I think its pretty darn cute. And the little village around it are houses my mother painted while I was growing up. She eventually moved on to the "ritzy" section of Christmas village, thus bequeathing moi with the smaller tenets. And just to tell you how small this village is, I lost the cord with the lights that go inside the houses, so this village has no electricity.

I'm forcing Zac to listen to Christmas music, I told him its good for Pierce to get a head start on the festivities. Although with all this nice "stress" that has been dumped on me, even Christmas music is making me a little melancholy. But I listen anyways. Which brings me to the question of why the radio doesn't ever play The Carpenters??? I lost my CD and Napster isn't working on my Zen...I don't get it.

Were going to Idaho for Christmas this year. (Part of my stress) I was excited at first, and still am a little...but my apprehension is growning and so is my stress level. I am very very excited for my parents to see Pierce, and Im excited to see my family again. I just hope we can all have an enjoyable holiday. And no one..I MEAN IT!...no one better ruin Christmas for me. Or they will be in such a world of hurt...ohhh you have no idea.

Yes I'm feeling snarky today. So freaking what. Gripe, gripe, gripe.

We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with Lindsey and Joe, Lindseys sis and fam & the missionaries. My green bean casserole turned out great! (like you could screw it up...) Lindseys turkey turned out so moist and tender, we had a great time :) Pierce did well too. Slept and ate. It was nice to be around good friends for the holiday since our family is in Idaho. It felt like family...in a good way :)

Im starting to feel like crap. I know a good 80% is stress, and perhaps 10% is my pillow, and perhaps the other 10% is a cold trying to impose on my sinuses? I hope not. I cant afford to be sick. As much as I really wouldnt mind an excuse to stay in bed, I dont need a sick baby.

OK I have nothing more to say right now. Actually I do, I just dont feel like typing it all, not like you'd enjoy reading for an hour. Have a good one :)

Its official...

The tree is up...

The rejected Twilight script....

Thank you Millie :)

http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/my-rejected-new-moon-screenplay

(insert thought)

It's a blowin' outside. Im just waitin for the monsoon to hit. I drove home for lunch like usual and about got blown off the road with the rest of the cars on the highway. Its black on the horizon, like the clouds above Mordor...sorry thats the best I can come up with. The damn "H" doesnt like me today, its sticking and I have to hit it pretty dang hard to make it work. What a pain.

Im ready to go home. Especially with this weather. I have to do a 40 minute workout before I can even sit down, (ick.) but then I can finish Robin Hood Men in Tights with hubs. Yes, he was nice enough to start it with me last night...and I dont care how many times he says how dumb that movie is, he was laughing last night so I caught his bluff! ( I love you honey :) )

Im gettin excited to choreograph The Pajama Game this year! (Thanks Pam!) I've already got ideas brewing and hubs has since learned to waltz and to tango - i needed a guinea pig for some of the partner dances :) The only sucky part is that I cant get any of the songs out of my head and they all intertwine with each other and make a huge mess of a song.

I've started working 4 hours of overtime on Saturday mornings...yes I miss sleeping in on Sat., but I enjoy the extra money...well, my bills enjoy it more than I do. The nice thing is that it is so quiet at the office that I have 4 hours of uninterrupted time to choreograph or finish up personal projects. I get off at noon, so its not bad and if I want a Saturday off I just have to ask.

Tomorrow is date night. A lady in our church offered to babysit so we took her up on it. I feel really weird that I'm leaving my baby with someone else, especially not family, but it's only for a few hours. Enough to do a temple run and get something to eat. I just hope I can concentrate on what were doing instead of worrying if my baby is ok with out me or Zac.

I need caffeine if Im going to be able to work out this evening...Im fading.

For all you holiday travellers...

Go to http://coupongurus.com/landing/expedia for airline coupons! I found one that will save us $150 on our flight home and was able to stack that with a "No booking fee" coupon too!

Pics of the boy..

My little sweetie is 3 months old on Thursday!

Happy Frugal Earring Dance!

LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND! Sterling silver hoops on Ebay for sixty nine cents and no shipping!!! Doing my frugal victory dance!

Change of Pace

I had to do it. I changed my blog colors and crap. I like it quite a bit more. I think I've found something that is completely more "me". I just had to post something that just to be able to say I posted today.

A Day in the Life

5:00am - woke up to screaming baby. Zac just only came to bed, but we both slog out of bed, him to get a bottle ready, myself to wash out my pumping equipment. Zac settles down with an unsettled baby, and I pump for about 15 minutes. I go back to bed, but I dont sleep because Pierce is crying and I am praying for Zac to have patience with him and for Pierce to feel better. I think I go to sleep because I wake up on my own at 8:16am...an hour later than my alarm was set. I must have turned it off in my sleep. That means no shower for Courtney...so hard to wake up without a shower and tea. I lumber out of bed once more, leaving my husband snoring on his side. Im dressed and ready to go by 8:50..wolfing down my breakfast while going to my car. I make the 10 minute ride to work going down 14, thumbing through the radio stations. I stop at 88.3 Catholic Radio to hear a verse out of 1st Corinthians saying something about boasting the Lords' miracles. Its been in my head all day.

I get to work at 9:05...my clock must be off. I sit down at my desk and dive right into making extremely urgent phone calls, all of which cant answer my questions and reroute me to different numbers. After 5 switches, I get my answer. Not the answer I want, but nothing I can do to change it. Rats. (more like some sort of expletive, but for the sake of good taste I wont repeat it) I then spend until about 10am sorting mail that got routed to us from our Home Office, waiting for Kristin to bring up the mail from the post office. I then spend the next hour and a half trying to sort through that while getting up and down taking over the front desk as Leann goes back and forth from various places in the office. I finally get the mail finished to take it around the circle...there's a counter that has food on it every morning, usually donuts or cookies. Yesterday there was wraps...no such luck today. I take a macadamia nut cookie..and then another one for good measure. And then its noon.

I sit and play at the front desk, waiting for Leann to get back from lunch so I can go. 1pm hits and I am free! Well, for an hour anyways. I run to my car, not wanting to waste any time. I speed home and flop in bed with my napping husband. Oh how good that felt! I had a migraine anyways. Some how I am able to pump more than enough milk in 5 minutes to supply little one, so that gives me 10 extra minutes of cuddle time. We hang out and 5 minutes before 1pm, I warm up last nights halibut and eat on the road, happy that this steak doesnt have bones and sighing as I have to go back to work until 6.

I walk back in the doors and talk to Leann a bit about smoothies and exercise, then sit back at my desk to print out fedex labels. I love that little machine. Its so much more convenient than hand writing those stupid things. I find a 2 drawer file cabinet on Craigslist for $5, call the girl and arrange to pick it up tomorrow. I had arranged for a 4 drawer cabinet, but where to put it? 3pm - Leann remembers she has to pick up food for tomorrow's meeting, so I am back up at the front until 4. She has thus came and left and I am holding down the fort like usual during the 4-6pm hours. I dont feel like getting into any major projects, nor do I have the energy to think about my business plans. Headaches suck.

Its 4:16pm now...Im waiting for 6pm to roll around. Im hungry, so Im eating a fruit and grain bar. Strawberry. I prefer Raspberry, but I ate that this morning. When I get home, we are going to Winco for food, Zac is making blue cheese, swiss and mushroom burgers...I need a few things as well. Then while Zac makes dinner, I am going to start my business plan and hang out with my little monkey. Afterwards, Pierce gets a bath. Then Stinky gets his flea bath. And then...I am going to soak and meditate in a long, hot bubble bath. The first since Pierce was born. And then I am going to go to bed praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

Apprehension.

Seems to be my favorite emotion as of the last 5 months. I don't know why. Nor do I particularly care.

It poured like mad today. Poor little Stinky-cat turned into the scrawniest little thing after being caught under a waterfall this morning... Driving Hwy 14 to work could have been classified as a suicide attempt.

My ears wont pop. It feels like my eyes are going to pop out of my head if my ears don't get it together.

Been dreaming about a place that doesn't exist yet. It will in time I'm sure, but we don't have enough resources now.

Speaking of dreams, mine have been doing double duty. Been having the same dream twice in one night every night for the past week.

Wants a big ol' steak, garlic mashed potatoes, grilled shrimp, side salad with LOTS of ranch, dinner roll with butter and a Shirley Temple. I miss my Texas Roadhouse.

Goin home.

Randomness

**my mom took this pic at Ann Morrison Park***

Well..........yeah. Things are definitely looking up. I've got tea and other good things around me. Pierce is finally a happy camper due to a baby-sized rice pack. Zac is doing wonderfully (im pretty sure anyways) being out of Thompson. And I am smiling watching a little flock of about 7 baby birds flit from the tree in front of my work to the bush next to it and back. So cute.

Halloween is approaching and I am really enjoying the rainy cold weather. Its so much easier to relax when I get home from work when its dark and rainy. Cozy. Still dont know where to get gingerbread flavored syrup for my hot chocolate tho... I'll have to ask Cece...

Going to a halloween costume party and some friends house...never been to one and I havent dressed up since I was 13. I think my last costume I was a hippy. I even made my own peasant dress. Out of the cheapest, stiffest fabric known to man. This year Ive decided on biker-chick because Ive already got the jacket and chaps and stuff from when we had our motorcycle. I miss that bike. Little one is going as a garden gnome I think...not sure how Im going to get a beard to stay on him... Ive got a week to find out. And Zac....well...i cant say now because its supposed to be a surprise and there are people who read this who are going :) Let me just say....Linz, Jesse..anyone else who reads this that knows us...prepare yourselves.

Church has been a welcome change too. We are finally able to take Pierce out and about so we finally have been able to go to church. He's been an absolute peach so far. I am only able to stay through Gospel Doctrines though, he gets hungry by 3rd hour and I have to pump anyways... Im sure I'll get to go to RS soon...

Work is going well. Its going fast today. I just wish it was Friday. Actually I wish for one day where I didnt have to remember to do anything. I could turn the phone off and do whatever without having to take care of some sort of business. O well. Such is life and quite frankly I'd get lazy if that were the case.

Im really looking forward to going home for Christmas... I hope it works out. I just first have to find out if I get Christmas eve off. Im excited for Shannon and Cecelia and Celia - and whoever else we can pack into that weekend - to meet Pierce. Im also looking forward to dinner tonight. Im starving again. I ate quite a bit today...not sure what the deal is.

Right now I am counting down the minutes (45 left) before I can go home and cuddle up with hubs, make some cocoa (with peppermint since i cant find gingerbread) and be comfy. And fit in a workout, but I dont want to think about that. Man, everyone has such nice cars here. Even the trucks are really really nice. That is one think I do see driving home Hwy 14 everyday, is lots and lots of Jags and Lexus'. And here's me toodling along in my Saturn that somehow hasnt fallen completely apart yet. Oh and has totally lost its shine. We need a new car. Im hoping this one lasts until we have the money to get a new one.

I want to keep typing but I have nothing to write about. Im sure I could think up something. But o well. Enjoy your evening.

Twilight, thou shalt be the death of me.

Seriously?? Am I the only one not in the world who could care less about sparkly vegetarian vampires? I rolled my eyes more than once I'm sure during the movie that hubs drug me to..yes it seems even he is bitten slightly by the Twilight bug... I've perused the books only to be disenchanted with the dialogue and it sure doesnt help they chose the the guy who played Edward to be the funniest/ugliest looking vampire I've ever seen. And now at my work...all children want to be vegetarian vampires! All adults have read and re-re-read the books. And I am alone. Alas... I must stay strong in this lonely world and stick with my Shannara druids and Harry Potter wizards. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Im on Team I-dont-have-time-to-read-anyways-because-infants-know-when-you-do.

A last note: I got an ad in the mail for halloween costumes... had an Edward costume...here's what you need:

1)dark jacket

2)white shirt

3)khakis

4)4 gallons of hair gel

5) covergirl foundation in "albino"

6) a look on your face like you just smelled dog poo and are thinking about liking it.

Sooooo..... apparently all you have to do is look like a GAP model and call yourself Edward, et voila!

This is going to kill me.

Its Cold! :)

Mornings are getting foggy, cold and wet now. The leaves are definetly turning, and its getting dark at about 6:30-7ish. This can only mean one thing.... ITS OCTOBER! And then it will be November and then Christmas! If you couldnt tell, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year! Especially now that we are in a place that is wet and cold. I hope we get a little bit of snow this year, not as much as last year, but a little, especially around Christmas. I am so excited to break out my boots and sweaters, hot chocolate with gingerbread syrup is tasting soooo much better now that morning is freezing cold and nights can finally be spent wrapped up in a blanket. Even Pierce's little winter outfits are cuter now that he can actually wear them! This time of year makes me happy. Even oatmeal tastes good. Not that Im in a bad mood the rest of the year, I just get happier starting in October.

Well so far things are looking up...Zac is now a stay at home dad and I am working. It feels weird to be working again, but I am happy to have an income again. And the best part is that I get to go home for lunch. My work is right next to Zacs' old work. Zac is working very part time at a security company, his last job was to provide security at the Pearl Jam concert. He didnt get to watch the concert, but was placed right next to the dressing rooms so he got to meet the band which was pretty neat. Pierce is growing like a weed. A chubby weed. He has a double chin now and has fat rolls around his wrists (finally!). He actually looks like a full term baby now and not a preemie. Not to mention he is growing out of his outfits :( He is going through colic though, which we are getting used to.

So far it looks like we are spending Thanksgiving at Shari's again lol! Until Pierce is old enough to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, I s'pose we will make that tradition. We didnt initially plan on that, it came to be because we moved on Thanksgiving Day up here to Vancouver and Shari's was the only place open. I think Zac actually had a turkey dinner there. Lol! They're not bad. And I even have a coupon this year :)

Well that is all for now... :)

Okaaayyyy...

Its amazing how much time a 6.5 pound football with appendages takes up. Not to mention the 2 hours of daylight i lose for the collective time it takes for pumping. O well. So little one is doing well, getting over his cold and right now sleeping on daddy. Daddy is sleeping as well, so i finally get my computer time! We used to have 2 computers but we sold mine for some reason. I still dont remember...

We are currently in the job market again, there are so many many more opportunites up here that in Idaho. Although if we could find one for sheep herding in Texas we'd probably take it.

I've got 10 pounds to go before I hit pre prego weight, although I can finally fit into my clothes... i think i said that on my last post. I havent gotten the 6 week go-ahead to work out yet, frusterating. I applied for a job at Nautilus down the road... my wheels are turning now....they have offices in Europe. Switzerland, Germany, Italy and UK... some positions require fluency in French, which sadly, I have to work on again. Its been too long since I've had to carry on a full conversation in French, otherwise I would jump on that specific position. But... so far Im just dreaming :) Wouldn't that be wonderful??? I'd take any of it in a hearbeat!! Although I'd choose Switzerland first, then the UK second, Germany 3rd and Italy 4th. They also have offices in China and Australia, but they dont interest me as much. And Im not so sure I could do real Chinese food from how Lewis described it. Even in America, if my food looks like what it used to be, forget it. I'll starve thanks.

In the mean time, I am looking forward to choreographing the Pajama Game for the local theater with some friends from church who head the productions. Im waaaay excited. I miss my Kennedys girls, so now I will have a chance to "teach" again, and a different style than pointe as well.

Other than that not much is going on. Zac got laid off, and is trying to find a new job, we're working on it. Please pray for us that the right situation will present itself.

Altright, off to read my fave blogs!

Small Update

Well, we are surviving. We have had Pierce home for 4 days now... and he is growing! He went from a 2 ounce bottle every three hours to a 2 ounce bottle every 1.5 hours. No sleep for mom. Sigh.

But for what he makes me lack in sleep he makes up for in overall cuteness. Im feeling ok, a little tired, but not bad.

Here's a photo or two.

.

Where I've been

Ok Ive got some time and a bit of energy. Here's the lowdown on what happened in August....

August 6th, I had my normal OB appt. Weighed in and discovered I gained 10 pounds in 3 weeks. (Not to mention ALL of me was pretty swollen) I was supposed to have bloodwork done anyways at the appt, but the lab was closed so my doc sent me to Southwest Hostpital since theirs was open. So I got there, sat down and they took one look at my feet and my chart and decided they needed me to stay the night for observation. So I call Zac and tell him he's spending the night at the hospital that night and to bring a change of clothes and that they said I'd go home the next day.

Soooo... the next day arrives and my blood pressure SOARED, swelling hadnt gone down and so they decided to hold me the weekend. They did a 24 hour urine protein analysis (fun.) and took more blood. By the time the 24 hours were up, my levels were high so they gave me one steroid shot in the butt, and another at 11:30pm the next day. (The steroid was to help the baby's lungs stregnthen) then we did another 24 hour urine analysis and by monday my protien levels were SOARING as well and my blood pressure kept going up, but my bloodwork was still normal. So by Monday, they decided I was definetly pre-eclamptic and they shipped me off to the biggest hospital in Oregon, St. Vincents because I would have to deliver early, and the facility I was at didnt deliver before 35 weeks. All this time Zac was being the BIGGEST help in the world!! I really still cant thank him enough.

So after a 30 minute ambulance ride, we got to St. V's and in a much more comfortable room. (this is Monday afternoon) Blood pressure ever rising, Urine protien ever rising, swelling waaaay more than I did when first admitted, and now a headache that Oxycodone (Percoset) didn't even touch... so they put me on a magnesium sulfate drip to keep the swelling down around my brain, which was why I had a headache. (I wouldnt wish magnesium sulfate on ANYONE. It feels like you took too much Niacin, a tall glass of whiskey and have the flu at the same time. But you are only nauseas if you stand up.) Oh ya, and I gained another 10 pounds since I was admitted. And so we continued all of this until Tuesday afternoon about 1 and the doc came in and said they were going to have to induce me at 33 weeks. The baby was absolutley fine, it was me they were worried about.

I was dialating by myself anyways, so the broke my water, (ohhhh yes I got the epidural. I didnt care at that point. Dialated to a 5 and being a zombie on Mag sulfate...) And at 11:50am on Wednesday they rolled me in to the operating room to deliver. I was in the operating room because the doors to the NICU (the preemie ward) was attached and it wouldnt be bad if I needed a C-section. I was so out of it, and trying to push and stuff, it felt like only 10 minutes. However I tore a level 4 (all the way through 5 mm into the rectum) and had to have an episiotomy, because the baby 's heartrate was dropping. (Praise the Lord for epidurals!! I didnt feel a thing.) I delivered a 4lbs 13oz, 19 1/4 inch long baby boy, he got whisked off to preemie world, Zac went in with him, and I layed on the delivery table for another 1.5 hours getting stitched up. The nurse I had was nice enough to wheel me into see Pierce after I was done, but I only got to hold him for 5 minutes. Apparently I needed to rest.

So Zac would go back and forth from my room to Pierce's isolet and bring me back pictures and video. It was Friday when they finally let me go home. As of last friday my blood pressure is back to normal, stitches dont hurt at all and I have no swelling. As of yesterday (YAY!! MILESTONE!) I fit back into my pre-prego jeans :) Pierce is still up at the NICU until next week. That would be his "36th" week and thats when they like to send them home.

Its a little hard to give birth, know you're parents, but the only thing that has changed at home is there is a crib in the corner now. But he is getting the best care, I certainly couldnt have done that for him. Im pumping and bringing him milk and he is doing just fine. Just waiting for him to put on a few more ounces. He is also the biggest baby in the preemie ward.

My parents are here this week helping us out, and Zac's will be here next week. I hate hospital food, and the only part of the hospital I really like is the NICU, beacuse I can leave whenever I want. So thats the scoop as to where I've been. Oh ya, not to mention Im on an every 3 hours pumping schedule, even through the night, so getting used to that schedule has exhausted me a bit, but I seem to be getting used to it. It'd be easier if Pierce was home cuz then I'd have a better excuse other than engorgement to wake up to at 2:30am.

Zac has been SO TOTALLY AWESOME BEYOND WORDS through this whole thing. I cant believe I ended up with such an amazing man. I still cant thank him enough.

All right, well, going back to bed.

Pierce Michael Is Here!!!

I dont have much time as I am going back to bed... but our BEAUTIFUL baby boy is here at 33 weeks!! He was born August 12 at 11:50am, 4lbs 13oz and 19 1/4 inches long.

Everyone is healthy and happy, although we will be much happier when he is able to come home with us in a few weeks. Pierce is up in the newborn ICU right now being monitored until the first week of September or so to make sure he is progressing correctly, which so far the kid is passing with flying colors.

Ok, going back to bed.

End of 32 weeks.... just for the record

Im not really chinese in any way... i think the lighting plus me looking down just makes me look that way.