cant think of anything clever

And once again, I am forced to channel my inner Han Solo...emphasis on the "solo" part. Zac's on a man-date again. This time to go get donuts. Men.

I guess I'm not completely alone...Peepers is with me, we read all his books, danced for about an hour, and now he is just being a ham in his jumperoo. And I am stoked because i found half of the playlist that was on my MP3 player still on my computer!!! (MP3 player doesn't work.)

Pot roast is almost done...excited!!! Although just like men to go get dessert first and spoil their appetites. Contemplating potatoes and gravy...I guess if its just me I may as well!! This date is taking for-ev-ah.

Not much has happened this week...Work has been absolutely insane! But good. Peepers was up all night throwing up... we are pretty sure some of the formula we had was bad... although just like him... he was laughing and giggling all night. He is fine now.. mom got 4 hours of sleep. But for some reason I'm still doing well.

For some reason I want to go to Colorado. I have always wanted to move there...the pretty parts... well, like middle of no where... farm/ranch country.. sorry, Rocky Mountain High is playing in the background...

Some days I just want to up-heave everything I own and go build a cabin in the middle of nowhere and disappear. Live simple like the pioneers. And then other days, I am happy to have some cushy things. I think its when I get stressed is when I just want to move my family to the woods. Dont have to answer to no one. (yes, I know that is grammatically incorrect.)

Im starting school in the fall. (yippee?) I am excited, but at the same time I am kicking myself for not doing it right after highschool. Why was I so dumb after highschool????? O well...live and learn. And I think i'll get more out of college now anyways now that I care about it.

Darn man-dates. They take for freakin ever. Last time they went to IKEA and spent like 2 hours there! Well, not like you can get out of there in 45 minutes... but still.

Do you ever feel like you need reassurance for the stupidest things that you should already know? Im starting to get in that mood. Its like getting a crash off of a confidence high... lasts for awhile and then all the sudden for no good reason your pedestal is kicked out from under you? Hmmm.... s'pose it doesnt help its that time of the month...(sorry for TMI)

Geez. By the time they get back, the crock pot will have eaten the roast!! Sigh...boredom thy name is Han Solo. And it sucks a wee bit too because Im not much of a movie person, so I cant just sit and watch something I've already seen unless its like, Robin Hood Men in Tights. OOHH! I watched Robin Hood Prince of Theives for the first time the other night... I cant take it seriously!! Men in Tights parodied it soooo much I can only laugh through the entire thing!! Made Men in Tights much better tho :)

Man, can I just say I love James Taylor and John Denver? I love their music. I love the old music, by that I mean from 1960's-2000. After that, Im not sure what happened. 90's music I have good memories of... 7th and 8th grade making tapes off the radio of the "hot 9 at 9" playlist on Magic 93.1...I still have one tape lol... No Doubt reminds me of Cecelia...

I do enjoy a few new songs....but their just not the same.

ok...im gonna go get into my pot roast now.

hewwwo

Its been pouring allllllll week. And I've been loving every second of it. See.. Im not a fan of the sun. Why? Because I'm DEATHLY pale. And I burn even with 50 spf sunscreen. Which is what happened at rehearsal last saturday on the top of a treeless hill for 6 hours. I never knew "sun poisoning" existed before then. I was so sick and my face was swollen up so bad i had to take 2 days off of work! I am at the itchy stage now, oh and peely too.

Hubs is on a man-date with a friend tonight...his wife was having "girls night in" so he had to get out. He called zac and asked if he wanted to go get dinner and a movie..I asked Zac if he was going to do some pushups before he got picked up...(hehehehe....im such a nice gal...)

So tonight its just me and squee. Im uploading pics to my other blog and thinking about making peanut butter m&m cookies... ever had those M&M's??? BEST EVAH! Mainly because hubs doesnt like them...more, well... all for me! :)

Work has been going well, Im still exhausted, but was starting to recover until I got knocked down again by the sun.

Squee should be asleep right now...he's talking to his plastic cow in his bed right now. Its so cute! Ok, well I'm going to go make cookies...I cant wait any longer...

random-chemo-busy-week

Well we are in full swing of Chemo right now. Thankfully Zac only had to get one dose, but it still takes about 3 weeks for him to start feeling back to normal. So far he is feeling like crapola. Which is why i havent been on for a week.

We are taking a trip to California this Memorial day to see my Grandparents. My grandpa has had some health problems so we thought that since i have some vacay days, why not go down??

They havent seen little guy yet.

We didnt go to church today...Zac wasnt feeling well at all. He had a good day yesterday, we went out for a walk and stuff, but today that reversed. And next week he cant really leave the house at all because the second week of a chemo treatment is the time that your immune system is the lowest.

So basically that's been my week. I finally got some sleep yesterday only because it was saturday. I had rehearsal for the play i am choreographing for last saturday, so that meant no sleeping in, Sunday was church and then we went hiking, monday i had rehearsal, tuesday zac had chemo, wednesday I worked then came home and cleaned (no sleep tues and wed nights) thurs I had rehearsal and friday I had visiting teaching. Crazy hellish week.

The play im teaching is getting to be more fun. We are doing the Pajama Game...which in my opinion is one of the dumbest plays ever.... well, the songs are... and ya know what? Its actually pretty fun once you start dancing to them. I work for a childrens' theater and the kids are just great. I'd love a chance to do adult theater though. That'd be fun too.

I have to go to the store today...poo. I just looked in the cabinet and realized that i only have 1/4 can of baby formula left. grrr.

Anna at Hope Road ( I love her posts..) is the second blogger to do a V-log introduction/post which is making me think I should hop on the band wagon, but so far as i know, the only people that i know read this thing are the people I see every sunday anyways... if anyone else reads this...let me know... I lost my counter when i changed my template.

We just signed up for netflix today... actually about 7am this morning. Zac apparently woke up promptly and decided we needed it. ( I was still asleep when this happened) anywho... i am a HUGE travel junkie and I love the Rick Steve's travel shows...and holy crap they have so many more than HULU!!! Waaahhhooo! Nothing more relaxing (other than a massage, facial, massage and massage with accompanying chocolate) than coming home from work, making a pot of tea and escaping to Europe. I miss it over there. I will go back there before I die. And nowadays its so easy to do it on pretty much a whim... so far money is the only thing holding us back. Still want to move there. Permanently. But like I said... and I do enjoy my life here too. I just want Zac and my kids to experience AMAZING food, people and history like I was able to.

Well... I think that covers it...I've got to get to the store before little one wakes up and decides he's hungry. Take care!!

4-23-10

Outside my window…
Its rainy and dark...pretty much bedtime.

I am thinking…
really, about going to bed and wondering why my allergies just started up. its been such a long day, i even missed my meeting with the producer of the play i choreograph for! I'm ready (almost) for saturday.

I am thankful for…
A wonderful home and family to come home to. Its so nice to just come home and be able to relax.

From the kitchen…
lol i had chips and guacamole for dinner. There was no creativity going on tonight.

I am wearing…
sweats and a red shirt.

I am creating…
a disaster.

I am going…
to not think about anything tonight. blank slate. pretend im in a cozy cabin in the swiss alps during a blizzard.

I am reading…
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Again. Best book ever. Aside from Catherine Called Birdy.

I am hoping…
that this weekend is going to go slllloooooowwwwww.

I am hearing…
my noisy arse computer try to take off for jupiter. freakin dinosaur. i am still thankful however...

Around the house…
oh gosh. disaster-ville. dont even get me started.

One of my favorite things…
big, strong, husband arms.

A few plans for the rest of the week…
work, work out, rehearsal...lather, rinse, repeat...

I'm baaaaaackk.....again :)

I'm back in the bloggy mood. As in typing every day or something close to that...not to mention that I finally have my computer at home back. We sold my original computer and zac still had his and my work computer doesn't allow social networking site for more than 10 minutes at a time so Ive had to do other things. not to mention this past month has been insane.

For starters, we found out Zac had testicular cancer and went in for surgery for a nut-ectomy the day-of emergency room visit. (not nerve-wracking at all... ha.) We later found out that the cancer hadn't gotten through the outer layer of the testicle and they got every visible cell! However, he still is going through a shot of Chemo for any microscopic cells that still may be residing in his lymph nodes. But its only a one-time shot of platinum - which somehow someone figured out that platinum is the only thing that kills testicular cancer cells - and he will only be out for a weekend if he even feels the side effects at all. So then that week, mom-in-law and bro-in-law came up to help out for a week so I could go to work, and then Zac and Pierce left with them for Idaho for 10 days. I, thankfully had auditions to run and work to stay late at to keep myself busy until that weekend when i flew into Moscow to meet my parents and my sisters boyfriend to watch her end of year dance performance at the college. That was Saturday, Sunday we drove 6 hours back to Nampa where I reconvened with my hubby and baby, then spent Monday visiting friends until my plane left for Portland that evening. (that was the FASTEST weekend ever.) Then I had two more days until my boys came home.

Zac is doing very well, back to normal now. Still waiting to go through Chemo. He is out on a man-date right now with his friend at REI...I am sitting here contemplating another cup of tea, my furball is sleeping on my lap and I somehow convinced my 8 month old that he was indeed tired and in need of a nap. (hallelujah.)

We all had bronchitis for the past week and a half...over that now, I still have a stupid little residual cough though...which made it fun to sit through 36 hours of Business Managers Meeting last week...but thats ok :) My house is a disaster now.. our normal cleaning routine got creamed by the happenings of this past month. Its definitely getting to be spring time up here. It still rains like it always does in Portland, but its not freezing anymore. And the sun is coming out a little more. Beautiful.

Man I hate apartments. The guy that lives next to us has been re-living the 80-90's since 10am this morning. So far we have listened to Baby Got Back, Oops I did it Again, Ice Ice Baby, the entire MC Hammer album..the one with Cant Touch This on it...among others. PITA. (pain in the arse.)

Had Papa Johns for the first time in ages last night...OMG. I forgot how good they are. Its funny, in high school they used to sell it for lunches and it was so greasy and gross I never ate it..although when i did eat in high school (which was almost never) I went for the cookies instead. Hey - they were good cookies! Not to mention ENORMOUS. About 800 calories per cookie probably...

Ive finally discovered a laundry soap that smells like laundry after you wash things...(yes i've been searching for one) Arm & Hammer...the metallic blue stuff in the clear container. For some reason its a stress reliever to smell clean laundry...not to mention then you can tell which clothes actually are clean in case they end up on the floor...(not that I'd know anything about that....)

My work pays for our gym membership...sooooo nice. And we have a gym right down the street from our house.. YAY! And it has child watch. The girls are great there. Although now since Pierce has hit 8 months...i think he's starting to realize that Mom or Dad isn't there... he goes into such fits and panics and turns completely purple and splotchy just like his aunt Shannon when she used to and still does get overworked. He only let me work out for 20 minutes yesterday... He'll figure it out eventually. He is working on crawling now...he can get on his hands and knees and just rock back and forth with a worried look on his face...it will come...and then we are going to have to figure out how to fence off the kitchen. He's a huge fan of sweet potatoes and butternut squash... he's growing up too fast. :( I kind of miss my itty bitty guy...but oh man is he fun! Zac's having a great time too...he's a stay at home dad and is just having a blast with Pierce.

Well, I think I've exhausted my gray cells for the time being...im going to make another cup of tea and contemplate cleaning. (which in reality will mean that I will get on facebook.)

Im a busy lady...

o let me re-cap the past month. Crazyness. Here's what went down:

Zac had testicular cancer.

The Pajama Game auditions/rehearsals started up.

Zac had surgery.

Zac and Pierce left for Idaho for 10 days so I conducted auditions and stayed very late at work.

I went to see Shannon and the fam in idaho for a weekend...came back before zac and pierce did so I stayed at work some more.

Been back and forth between doc appts for Zac, Pierce and Myself.

Been sick 2.5 weeks out of the 4 weeks of March.

Slugged out for a weekend (finally!!!!!) with Zac and Pierce

Went to meeting after casting after parent meeting for Pajama Game.

Been working.

Uploading pics on the family blog. (keeping up 2 blogs is tough.)

Its been a blur. And im getting over being sick the second time around. Life is going great, although i havent had any time for deep thought or contemplation this blog is used to, but hey...Im getting back into a routine. Its crazy how getting sick will throw EVERYTHING off. That said, I must get my sick butt to bed. So here's a pic to leave off with.

Holy Crap its been a month.

Seriously...i've had to wait a month to use the computer for something other than work???? Well, ya, apparently. I've sorely neglected this blog but for good reason..I've been doing this:

and this:

So please forgive me if beautiful mountain weather, one sexy backpackin man and a cutie patootie of a son makes me drop all things modern and electronic like a hot rock. were goin again today. man i love the pacific northwest!!

I think I might be learning something here....

I think I might be learning something here… yesterday, I was irritated beyond belief, I haven’t been so mad in a long time. I stuck it out and bottled my anger up for the last 15 minutes of work and got home. I had to take a deep breath before I walked in the door. One thing I promised Zac was that I would leave work at work and when I was home, work wouldn’t matter. So Zac was busy with something and I went in to the room to change into sweats…and the most bizarre (I say bizarre for lack of a more awe-implicating word) thing happened. The second I sat down, I was overwhelmed with the need to pray for forgiveness and repent. For myself! I asked for forgiveness that I got so angry with the person and the situation, and for the awful feeling I projected towards them. I asked for forgiveness that I might be able to see perhaps where they were coming from with the point of view. I can tell you that I was amazed and astounded that this was coming out of my mouth…Usually I wouldn’t even bother, and I’d just sit and stew and replay what I should have done over and over and over again until I’d exhausted the scenario. (yes that’s how my mind works, I don’t know why.) And I know that as a Christian, that doing that sort of thing isn’t following the Light, nor is it the example I should be setting. I prayed a bit more on a few other things that went along with this situation, but I wont go into all that. The main point is that I never really had thought about asking for forgiveness for myself. I had always asked for help forgiving others. But I understand now that not repenting and asking for God to forgive you is just as much of a sin as not repenting for anything.

And the best part is…this morning, I felt great about it. I think it really made a difference in how I dealt with this person today. Last night, I think I actually learned the power of the Atonement and the power of repentance. Its there for a reason, and yes, it does work.

No sunshine and rainbows here.

Im sorry, but I must vent. Vehemently. I am sooo seethingly incensed right now I could cry, scream and throw things violently. I wont go into specifics for certain reasons, but I will say that the difference between Europeans and Americans is huge and I miss Europe. I'm soooooooooo tired of this petty crap about how everyone must look "just so" or else they are pegged as pretty much a leper.

I dont get it, I hate it and I could scream right now and bottling this up for the next 15 minutes until I get off work hopefully will hold. What self righteous snobby pigs are we that cant even bother to see the person rather than the face. I dont get it. I never ever ran into that in France. NEVER. No one cared if you did or didnt wear make up, no one has "hair do's", fashion is optional and quite a bit more realistic than here. No one cared if men had beards, went bald, wore rings...Sheesh. We are so damn based on looks its appalling.

Im pissed. i havent been this pissed off in a LONG time. This is even worse than the whole family issue that is still hanging over my head. And Im hoping that it will go away soon. I'll have to have a talk with the big guy upstairs and hope that by talking with Him, I shall calm down enough to at least breathe.

Heellllooo Promotion!!

Like I said in my last post - 2010 will be a great year. I just got a HUGE promotion just handed to me on a silver platter. I am starting out as the assistant business manager for a little bit and then after the 1st year I will be a business manager on job sites, and the positions jsut keep moving up every couple years or so. And i can tell you what, people who are at the 20 year mark make beaucoup bucks! And here's the kicker - they pay for all my school. :)

So after I get trained here in the district office, I will be moved around to the jobsites as needed, so we will be moving alot, but with places like Hawaii and British Columbia (among others)...no complaints here! OH!! and theres a chance that I could get sent to one of our Canada jobs, because since I speak French, Ive been doing the document translation here in the district office, they said that is a good skill with this company.

I am so overwhelmed with happiness that I am totally out of dead-end jobs! I would be so stupid to not have taken this, as i have no degree and all my experience was self taught. Silver platter indeed!

I am quite flattered, and soooooo thankful that God has placed this opportunity in front of me. I have been praying for something to come along, amazing what a little patience with the Lord does... It feels SOOOOOO good to finally get recognized for my skills!! That I can do waaay more than spreadsheets. Its funny, because I actually had two opportunities ahead of me, the first that came up was to get moved up to the IT and web design staff, but the right people weren't there at the right time and this business management postition fell into place right as we were trying to discuss the IT thing. I FINALLY HAVE A CAREER!!

I was going to start school anyways this summer and set a career path as a Doctor of Radiology...mainly because I am sooo tired of being the breadwinner, but only able to bring a dinner roll home because of no degree. Dont get me wrong, I would really enjoy med school, however I was doing it more for the money. And not to mention the prospect of it, I couldnt wrap my head around really. There was no passion behind it, but that was the plan. And then this came in to play...almost too easily. Everything just fell into place, and I am a firm believer that when things just happen like that...somebody upstairs is trying to tell you something.

I never went to college in the first place because, dammit, i want to do and be everything! I still do. However, one can only do so many things in a lifetime..and now i've got a chance to go for one thing.

I cant tell you how excited i am..although im sure you can probably guess.

I think this is the first year evah.. that I am excited and motivated for the new year. 2010 is going to be my best year yet! I bought a planner.

Ok so that really doesnt make a difference, what makes a difference is that I am actually using it. And I have so many great things to look forward to this year, despite the family issue, I am very happy and excited to see how this year transpires. The only exception is that this year will be the year my son turns 1...Im not sure I'm ready for that.

Things are going GREAT on the job-front, (more about that in another post, mostly because Im waiting on some details...) home life is cozy and we have made that much more of an effort to read scriptures and do family home evening and relate more of our conversation to the positive and he spiritual aspects of things....our son is an absolute joy, I cannot remember what life was like without him...I am making an effort to make my prayers a little more substantial and meaningful, and to do it more often. My hours at work have changed to 8-5pm so I am now being able to squeeze in 1/2 hour workouts every day after I get off work. I am working on a plan to be a little more organized when it comes to paperwork and finances, could always use a little fine-tuning...and making a little more time to squeeze my Stinky-cat.

I'm excited and rarin' to go. I've even gone so far as to make a long term (10 years!) goal, that this whole next decade, that each day I am going to be the person I'd like to be tomorrow and that by the time 2020 rolls around (isnt that weird to think about still? 2020?) that my family and I are going to be in a place where spirituality, good times and stability will just be a way of life.

And I am truly thankful for the chance I have been given to make a difference in my family's lives for the better and for the opportunities that have been basically handed to me. (again, more on this when I get all the details.) I am so thankful for the friends we have made up here and for how much of a support system they have been for us this past year. And it goes without saying, that I am grateful for our families back home, that they have given us all thier support and unconditional love throughout the past 4 years.

Speaking of 4 years...in one month...we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary!! I know he doesnt read this blog...but Zac, I love you and am so grateful for your love and support and for stepping up and being the best "mr. mom" in the world!

Its going to be a good year. :)

Fast and Thank-imony meeting

Today I rejoiced that church started at 11!! And for one whole year!!! And then I realized it was Fast and Thank-imony meeting. (yes i know the proper name is fast and testimony meeting) however, hardly anyone gives testimonies. They all say what they are thankful for and thank their families for loving them and while that is all well and good, they aren't testimonies of the Lord.

Testimonies are that you know in your heart of hearts that something is true. For example, I know that Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God. That is a testimony because I can (key word here..) testify that it I know it to be true. Thanking God and Christ and our families for what we have and have been blessed with is for prayers. The presidency of our church even put out a letter to every meeting house we have that tells us that Fast and Testimony meetings are not health-logs, prayers, sermons, family updates or story time. (among other things.) And it seems that it fell on deaf ears all over the country. So far the only real "testimony-like" testimonies are from the little kids, and all they are doing is repeating what facts are taught to them!

The few people who go up and actually bear witness to the truths that they know of our Lord, I love to listen to. I love to know that they know they are cared for by our Saviour. The rest, well I feel for you, and Im glad you are so thankful that you start weeping, however give me substance! Let me know that you know the Saviour! Let me know that you are convicted of Christ! Show me that Christ has made such an impact on your life that you need to share His truths! Build my strength up by letting me know that the truths I know are shared by you!

Otherwise I might end up like the few youth who were sitting in front of me texting on their phones all meeting long and getting nothing out going to Sacrament Meeting.

And so it begins...

Welcome to 2010... its going to be a very different year for us this year. I am not going to say much on the matter until next Thursday when I find out for sure just how different things will be. but I know it will be better that last year.

Last night was like any other night. We cleaned, made dinner, played on the computer, changed diapers, comforted a neurotic cat (fireworks.), and then I hit the hay at midnight. Some how I made it until then.

Today I hope to do absolutely nothing but eat, putz around the house and clean up my kitchen. Happy New Years to you!

Hello again..

I cant believe its been 10 days since i posted! Time sure flies. Christmas was better than I thought it would be due some wonderful friends :) Christmas morning we went to the Wilcox's for breakfast and hung out there for a bit...and then for dinner got invited to the Post's for a yummy dinner and games. All in all, it was a really nice holiday.

Tonight is New Years Eve...I dont think I will make it until midnight. I was up rather late last night. But then again I get tomorrow off. And monday I start 8-5. (YAY!!!)

Other than that, not a whole heckuva lot has gone on since then...I got new jeans (finally), a flat iron and a few other things that I needed.

Im starving...Lunch didnt hold me as long as I thought it would. Well i dont have much eles to say at the moment, i have to leave work now.

Getting into the spirit of things.

So for those of you who have kept up or at least read the last few posts...my Christmas spirit basically met up with a black hole and was gone forever. Or so I thought..As it gets closer to Christmas, and as I have prayed and wallowed in my pity and all the fun stuff that goes with it, Im starting to enjoy myself quite a bit more. So in the name of Christmas spirit...here's a meme I swiped off of Jenny from One Thing, who as she put it: "Purloined from Lifenut, who poached it from Clover Lane, who, ostensibly, conjured it up right out of her own brain. "

1. Best childhood gift from Santa: Gosh...we got so many from him...the only one I really remember well was my stereo set...although that was the year I realized having a 5-cd changer was not the coolest thing in the world. It was such a pain! oh and not to mention LOUD.

2. Best childhood memories: lol...me and my sis teaching my dad how to do the macarena. ya know...cuz we were cool like that. ok and the other one is christmas eve seafood buffett...just one night a year i was given permission to die and go to heaven in garlic butter sauce.

3. Favorite Christmas cookies: hmmmm...thats a hard toss up between EVERYTHING. A cookie is a cookie is a cookie...

4. Icky Christmas memory: Oh there are so many i could choose from and all involve family members (including me.)

5. It’s not Christmas without: sigh..my family.

6. Our Church Service: has a dinner the week before, but nothing day-of...which I like :)

7. Christmas Pet Peeve: I saw mommy kissing santa claus, all I want for christmas is you, that dumb song by john lennon and yoko, and the rum-pum-pum song. oh and petty family crap.

8. Favorite Christmas CD: THE CARPENTERS!! Really. Best cd you'll ever buy.

9. Real or Fake: as long as it looks like a tree i dont care.

10. I spend Christmas Eve: well normally, i'd be stuffing my face full of scallops and crab and stuff at my parents house, watching our christmas shows we taped in the 80's and opening one gift a piece before bed. This year...um...i'll watch some shows cuz i found them on YouTube...and we'll probably eat leftovers...i'll change a diaper or two...Im assuming it will be like any other day.

Ok, back to what I was doing before blogging took over. :)

Its raining again. but its not cold.

Well I can safely assume that life has not ended. The world

is still turning, albeit perhaps on a slightly more tilted axis… I’ve made the decision that we will stay in Vancouver for Christmas, I think it is the best move for now. And besides, it will give us some time to create our own traditions. I’m still irritated, but my Christmas spirit seems to be coming back. I miss my family and the friends we were going to see, but perhaps next year things will be better. Or Cecelia and Aaron can come for a vacation to the Oregon Coast this summer…..(hint hint… J)

I am looking forward to a new year, this year I hope to get more organized than I ever was..I’ve also convinced myself I need a blackberry.

I was trying to get a new profile pic down... ended up looking like a yearbook pic. I wish my year book pics actually looked like this:

We went for portraits last Sunday, Pierce did great! I was surprised how much he let us pick him up and move him and such…what a peach! The portraits turned out great, I’m very pleased.

I finally was able to reconnect with my friend in Paris that I’ve known for 10 years already!! I cant believe it’s been that long. I met her in 9^th grade as her pen pal. I love Facebook for those reasons.

Oh! And im getting excited too…my company just hired on another HR person, and she will be taking the 9-6pm so that means that I get the 8-5 shift!! YAY! I’d prefer the 7-4 shift, but o well. And I don’t have to answer phones anymore.

Ok that’s all ive got to say. Ive got a stupid wreath under my desk here, its giving me a headache and I cant move it and I cant think.

This is not going to make any sense..

I'd like to cry. But big girls dont. And i'd like to pretend im a big girl...so therefore i wont cry. besides i started this whole blogging thing as an outlet for myself. I feel powerless sometimes. Like i've got as much influence as the kleenex on my desk. And i know some people would prefer it that way, but to put it plain and simple, I dont. Two can play at this game and I think its best that I converse with the Lord on my game strategy. Turns out Im not so good at strategy games...mysteries and puzzles yes...so perhaps if I change my viewpoint and look at this as a puzzle or a challenge to solve I can do it. Im pretty good at those. Strategy games takes quick thinking and I dont particularly have that ability. I like to think things through and weigh all my options so I come out on top. It takes awhile sometimes but I've learned that if I move slowly sometimes things get resolved without my brilliant plans. And when they dont then I know that Ive covered all my bases.

Now if you'll excuse me, Im going to go lose myself in a Miley Cyrus song.

Overreacting.

Breathe in. Breath out...slowly this time. Ive found that overreacting and hyperventalating go hand in hand. I also just discovered, thanks to spell check that overreacting - "c"-"r" = overeating. Just a side note..

Anywho... I am ok. My christmas joy has only been dampened..not snuffed out forever. Its better when I dont think about things and know that there is always a higher purpose for crappy deals. I am in a good mood (denial perhaps? Im good at that...) and still enjoying my family and Christmas music. I still am having a hard time coming to terms with a few of the terms, however I havent had a beer yet so thats a step in the right direction. Lol.

My headaches over this are going away, although everytime i think about it they return. And I've been up and down like crazy too... its driving me crazy not to mention...one second im estatic and the next i remember some of the conversation that ensued and then im pissed, then returning to happy and then depressed, but only for a split second because then POOF! im over it again. Once again, January is looking mighty fine.

I get to go jeans shopping again! Im looking forward to bringing back a little sexy in my life now since becoming "mom". Im excited, i hate the jeans i have. While yes they serve their purpose...they've had one too many tours around the war zone. Its time they retired into a purse or something...ooohhh...or perhaps a skirt. I used to make a ton of jean skirts like that in highschool..good idea Courtney..oh and since ive got a bit mad I've started talking to myself...

ok..gotta go.

oh boy.

What a day yesterday. So I spent all day stewing about that stupid phone call, felt like crapola, then ended up driving the long way home to think, needed gas so i pulled in to 7-11 and ran out of gas in the parking lot and wasnt able to turn into a pump so i had to go buy an overpriced gas can and fix the situation, then drive home..didnt get home until 6:45 to a grumpy husband, didnt make that stupid phone call because of the time difference and felt like worse crap until i went to bed.

Only good part was i got to cuddle with my little one for hours in the recliner and hug my hubby. hope today goes better.

Im at work until 12 today, then we are doing something until evening, then going to the festival of nativities to see the nativities ( obviously) and our friend lindsey sing in her cantico choir. its freezing cold and im hungry tired and moopy.

i have an hour before i have to make that stupid phone call. wish me luck.

Bah Humbug or not to Bah Humbug?

I am anticipating today as being a hard day. Work was alright, Im talking emotionally. There has been a feud between 3 members of my family, 3 very close-to-me members. It has been raging for 6 years. And in those 6 years, there has been hardly any speaking of this feud, only covering up of feelings on one side and both sides believing they are right. And I am in the middle as mediator. I purposely didn’t get into Law specifically so I wouldn’t have to mediate domestic issues. Load of crap.

Now that Pierce is in the picture and it directly involves his relatives, not to mention in affects my general happiness and piece of mind… it is time for this feud to end. So that means that I get to make the preliminary phone call to discuss the matter at hand and to then schedule the conference call that will settle the deal. The only issue after that is whether or not one party gets the answer they want. If they do I will be the happiest most ecstatic girl in the world. If not, well there goes Christmas joy for me forever. Not to mention joy in general. I will probably take up drinking again. So I get to do some manipulating for myself because dammit Im not allowed to be happy unless a specific someone gets their way.

Time to bury the hatchet. I wish it were as easy as digging a hole, throwing the so called “hatchet” in there and then fill in the hole and be done with it. But will either side let it go? Noooooooo. I understand both sides reasoning’s, and both are justified in a way to believe what they will. However, when I am now being manipulated into being mediator, (I realize I have a choice not to, however that wont benefit me in anyway and probably make the situation worse if I don’t step in.)

I am just hoping that I will get both parties to agree to a phone debacle instead of when we go back to Idaho (Christmas) because I really would like to have a nice Christmas. Im so irritated with both parties its not even funny. If this doesn’t go well I would seriously like to consider a beer. Or three.

Condition/Uncondition

Why is it that some people are so damn conditional? Why? It pisses me off to no end, and the worst part is that it does no good to call them on it because they were wronged once and now the world owes them everything and they will remind you of that time and again. And why must this always happen around the times of year I look forward to?

Stress is not something I relish, nor do wish on anyone else...no, not even the conditional people. But sh** people! I'm going to be selfish just for a minute and yell at all you stress-givers...STOP STRESSING ME OUT! I am only one person, working one job, trying to raise a baby and keep a husband happy while trying to pull strings and keep the production running smoothly from behind the stage all the while trying to enjoy the Christmas season because its supposed to be the only time of year where I am able to relax! SO CUT IT OUT!

So in the name of de-stressing...as you saw in the last post, I put up our tree...measuring a whopping 12" tall. I think its pretty darn cute. And the little village around it are houses my mother painted while I was growing up. She eventually moved on to the "ritzy" section of Christmas village, thus bequeathing moi with the smaller tenets. And just to tell you how small this village is, I lost the cord with the lights that go inside the houses, so this village has no electricity.

I'm forcing Zac to listen to Christmas music, I told him its good for Pierce to get a head start on the festivities. Although with all this nice "stress" that has been dumped on me, even Christmas music is making me a little melancholy. But I listen anyways. Which brings me to the question of why the radio doesn't ever play The Carpenters??? I lost my CD and Napster isn't working on my Zen...I don't get it.

Were going to Idaho for Christmas this year. (Part of my stress) I was excited at first, and still am a little...but my apprehension is growning and so is my stress level. I am very very excited for my parents to see Pierce, and Im excited to see my family again. I just hope we can all have an enjoyable holiday. And no one..I MEAN IT!...no one better ruin Christmas for me. Or they will be in such a world of hurt...ohhh you have no idea.

Yes I'm feeling snarky today. So freaking what. Gripe, gripe, gripe.

We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with Lindsey and Joe, Lindseys sis and fam & the missionaries. My green bean casserole turned out great! (like you could screw it up...) Lindseys turkey turned out so moist and tender, we had a great time :) Pierce did well too. Slept and ate. It was nice to be around good friends for the holiday since our family is in Idaho. It felt like family...in a good way :)

Im starting to feel like crap. I know a good 80% is stress, and perhaps 10% is my pillow, and perhaps the other 10% is a cold trying to impose on my sinuses? I hope not. I cant afford to be sick. As much as I really wouldnt mind an excuse to stay in bed, I dont need a sick baby.

OK I have nothing more to say right now. Actually I do, I just dont feel like typing it all, not like you'd enjoy reading for an hour. Have a good one :)

Its official...

The tree is up...

The rejected Twilight script....

Thank you Millie :)

http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/my-rejected-new-moon-screenplay

(insert thought)

It's a blowin' outside. Im just waitin for the monsoon to hit. I drove home for lunch like usual and about got blown off the road with the rest of the cars on the highway. Its black on the horizon, like the clouds above Mordor...sorry thats the best I can come up with. The damn "H" doesnt like me today, its sticking and I have to hit it pretty dang hard to make it work. What a pain.

Im ready to go home. Especially with this weather. I have to do a 40 minute workout before I can even sit down, (ick.) but then I can finish Robin Hood Men in Tights with hubs. Yes, he was nice enough to start it with me last night...and I dont care how many times he says how dumb that movie is, he was laughing last night so I caught his bluff! ( I love you honey :) )

Im gettin excited to choreograph The Pajama Game this year! (Thanks Pam!) I've already got ideas brewing and hubs has since learned to waltz and to tango - i needed a guinea pig for some of the partner dances :) The only sucky part is that I cant get any of the songs out of my head and they all intertwine with each other and make a huge mess of a song.

I've started working 4 hours of overtime on Saturday mornings...yes I miss sleeping in on Sat., but I enjoy the extra money...well, my bills enjoy it more than I do. The nice thing is that it is so quiet at the office that I have 4 hours of uninterrupted time to choreograph or finish up personal projects. I get off at noon, so its not bad and if I want a Saturday off I just have to ask.

Tomorrow is date night. A lady in our church offered to babysit so we took her up on it. I feel really weird that I'm leaving my baby with someone else, especially not family, but it's only for a few hours. Enough to do a temple run and get something to eat. I just hope I can concentrate on what were doing instead of worrying if my baby is ok with out me or Zac.

I need caffeine if Im going to be able to work out this evening...Im fading.

For all you holiday travellers...

Go to http://coupongurus.com/landing/expedia for airline coupons! I found one that will save us $150 on our flight home and was able to stack that with a "No booking fee" coupon too!

Pics of the boy..

My little sweetie is 3 months old on Thursday!

Happy Frugal Earring Dance!

LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND! Sterling silver hoops on Ebay for sixty nine cents and no shipping!!! Doing my frugal victory dance!