Take the damn M&M's away from me now. Please.

Hello once more. Technical issues had arisen this past little bit so everything I wrote was not saved. O well.

We made it through Christmas - was nice. I've been digging my nose into the Little House on the Prairie books the past couple days and boy has it sparked my day dreams!!! Back then to own land, all you had to do was ask the government for a plot and then sustain your self for 5 years on it to prove to the government that you could hack it and then the title was yours. How freaking wonderful would that be???

I've really been wishing that it was 1870 or so - Have your own claim, work hard to make your land fruitful, owe nothing to anyone and be oh so much more responsible at a younger age. Laura Ingalls got married at18, but was already teaching school by the time she was 15. I am getting a wandering twitch to find somewhere like that where we were self sufficient. I realize that there were hard times and I am daydreaming about the good ones - not accounting for storms or crop failure...still. I just hate feeling so overwhelmed at everyday life of the expectations the world has put on us. We are so inundated with "new" things that we just have to have, who has the better car, who makes more, etc. Sometimes I really don't think I would mind being an 1870's housewife...I had a wierd dream the other night, that some fundamentalist was elected president, but he had absolute power. And the first law he gave was that every car be destroyed and replaced with horses or oxen and buggys or cutters and that the only clothing style allowed was that of the 1800's. (Keep in mind this dream was before I started reading the books.)

So now for something completely different... I am staying up late again tonight. Zac is out with the boys somewhere and I am the only one up. Well, not holed up in my bedroom purusing Facebook. (that would be my sister.) Stole a jalepeno cheeto from her...mucho good-o.

I really dont have anything good to say, I'm just rambling like every other post I have written. I am in limbo on the anxiety level - I just cant seem to make up my mind whether or not to have full blown anxiety or be fine. It is like the fine line on getting a cold when your immune system cant decide whether or not to catch it. I wish I would hurry up and eitherbe fine or just lapse into a full blown panic attack. Sheesh. The decisions I have to make.

Peepers made out like a bandit for Christmas - mostly much needed clothes. I got two pairs of slippers and jammies and a whole bunch of other stuff and Zac was spoiled with woodworking tools. Ugh...I have been staying up waaaaaaay too late while on vacation. It is wearing me down. Yesterday night I was actually in bed at 10pm but my sister kept me up until 2am. I will be very happy to be in my own quiet bed again.

Went to the wood carving store the other day with mom, panini and zac... Zac about had a coronary when we walked in. Then Zac was hungry and there was a littly Gyro hut in the parking lot. Was horrible. Too much curry. Pita Pit will always rule for gyros. The best are when you are actually in Europe, but Pita Pit is the next best thing I guess. I tend to go more for the tzatziki sauce than anything else. Bring on the tzatziki!!

Been thinking how wierd it is to be an American. We as a country have no traditional costume, no traditional foods that actually started in this country, no traditional customs that started in this country.... Look at places like Hungry or Slovakia or even Norway - they all have those things because they are all the same kind of people. Here we are a mutt country. I guess that is what some people think is so great about America, that our national costume is every costume of the world. The only thing we have is the National Anthem. Oh and I read the declaration of independece today... I'm not sure why we still have it...America is nothing like what is outlined in the document. Made me quite sad because the original country sounded lovely. (as you can see deep thoughts have been plaguing me..)

Wish I had a time machine. I would love love love to see what life was like back in any era. I think I would go to 1100 ad first. England because it was a little more settled as in "not-so-roman"...just to see the dresses and the way life really was. Its hard for me to think that we actually know so much about those times and sometimes wonder who is embellishing the details. The next stop would be the dark ages... then the 1700's france and germany. O hell, I'd go everywhere. I would like to experience even a little of the life of history. I dont think I would go to biblical times or before that... that era just doesnt hold any interest for me. Actually come to think of it, that part of the world doesnt hold much interest for me. O well. But if I had a time machine I think I would just have it so that I was invisible to the people there so I would not alter history. That could be bad...I've seen movies :)

All of Zacs family was sick today - I know Zac wont get sick, I probably wont but I am really hoping Peepers doesnt get sick. Especially on the day that we are supposed to drive home. Hope the weather is good.

Oye. Ring you blasted phone! That I may drive forth and retrieve yon husband then retire to my bedside to sleep and awaken to a new morning. (thats about as Shakespearian I can get tonight.) I found my dad's old works of Shakespeare book (1000+ pages!). I remember as a girl I'd read through that book like my life depended on it. I like Shakespeare. He was really a funny guy if you understand dry, british, medival humor...and some humor there isnt that hard to understand either. It is like Chaucer's Canterbury Tales - its a riot if you can understand the way they talk!! One of my favorite books.

According to the weather lyers reporters, we are supposed to get 6 inches of snow overnight here in the Treasure Valley. This coming to us from the same people who brought us the news that a huge storm front was coming right on top of us monday night...Its been over 40 degrees this past week as a high. Seriously doubting the snow.

I remember why I like blogging so much - it is a fast way for me to yak on and on about my thoughts and then that way I feel like I already told someone what I was thinking so then I stop talking so dang much. Theraputic too..helps anxiety a little.

Pretty excited to go to work on the 3rd!! I finally am back in the dance world and I get to work with one of my best friends! I got my tap shoes and jazz shoes - have to order my grecians, but that wont take long. I am curious to see who I am teaching. At Kennedy's I used to teach girls that I watched grow up so I knew what they were capable of... These are new girls (and boys) (and adults) so we'll see. Uber stoked.

So I was looking thorugh good ol' facebook this evening to pass the time - looked at all the people from highshcol that had profiles. Really interesting to note that the people who looked like dumb bimbos back then still do today. And it is interesting to see who got married to who and how on earth did that happen??

I feel like I am getting slightly delirious...hellllloooo 12:23am!! But alas I have nothing better to do right now. Well, I guess I'll leave off here so I dont end up writing a russian novel.

We made it to Idaho!

Well we got through the 8 hour trip over the cascades and the blue mountains without incident. Peepers was a total angel the entire time - slept for half of it. It was way icy but that littel car handled it jsut fine. Good investment.

It is nice to be "home". I love my parents house - especially around the holidays. Its so fun and its great seeing them again. It is so nice to have both sets of parents in the same town. We dont have to decide who were goin to see on what holiday. Peepers and I are home based at my parents and hubs is being a transient between places.

It is finally starting to feel more like Christmas. We decorated the tree today - late for us, but better than never right?? Its snowing here, nice change. But I still hate Idaho snow. Its dirty.

I'm pretty darn tired. I am starting to relax now that I have some time on my hands. Peepers is loving all the grandparent attention he is getting.

I still have to figure out christmas presents. Have a feeling everyone is getting homemade rice-hot packs. Well this post is cut short - I have to go meet hubs now... I'll finish this up tomorrow.

Lazy Tuesday???

My days really fly now. I dont have any sense of time anymore. I bought a calendar but if it werent for my computer telling me what day it was I'd be screwed. January cant come soon enough. I start bringing in an income again. Some days I wonder what it would be like to be priveleged. Like Paris Hilton or Ivanka Trump. What do they worry about? What designer handbag goes with the designer shoes they're wearing? I'm sure they dont worry about where the next truck payment is going to come from, or how to budget so you still have gas money to get to the grocery store. I've always wondered why I wasnt born into that kind of life. Perhaps it was to keep me humble? Hmmm... well, looks like I'll have to make my own life of priveliedge. Etsy here I come!

What age do kids stop taking naps? Pierce is getting harder and harder to put down for a nap. It doesnt help that Zac had to use the bathroom really bad - which requires one to walk through Pierces bedroom (aka laundry room) - only 20 minutes after I put him down. So we got him up for a bit and gave him some green olives and put him back down - I can still hear him.

I'm speculating on whether or not I'm prego right now... I dont have any of the signs I remember, but my top half is excessivly sore. Maybe just a horrible PMS symptom. Were not trying right now, but if I were to be prego we'd welcome it.

Ever have anxiety about something that needs to be done? So much so that you freeze and dont do it? This is something that I am trying to overcome. I have a very important thing to do, but I cant un-freeze to do it. I dont know why. And it's just a phone call away. I just can't do it. Any ideas?

Was finally going to be able to get to church las Sunday - got sick instead. I got pounded with a head cold. I'm starting to feel better but still not 100%.

We started trying out the Eat Right for Your Blood Type Diet - oh I feel so good!!! I'm Type O therefore I flourish on meat and seafood. Type O is the most common in the world - its no wonder the Atkins and South Beach Diet worked so well for most of America, they are high protien low carb diets which is perfect for Type O's. And I'll bet you anything that it was the Type A people who were the ones touting it. They are the ones who can't digest meat at all - therefore it wouldnt work. If you get a chance to read that book I highly reccomend it!!! I've known about it for awhile, I just never tried it. Already have lost weight.

I feel like I'm missing something by not going to work. It feels like I'm lazing my days away and not providing any use of myself. I know that will change come January, but for now I feel jsut about useless. I get coming down off of amost 10 years of 8-5 workdays plus commute is like having cigarette withdrawals. (i'm guessing, Ive never had cigarette withdrawals.)

I want to take naps but I cant- I cant relax fully yet so I end up just laying there contemplating life and getting myself in a horrible mood.

I've really got to start getting to choreographing - I started but my stupid headcold is inhibiting me from doing any sudden movements. I think by tomorrow I will be ok. I need an office. I just need a room that is my space wehre I can get business done with no interruptions. Right now my office is in our loft which is serving as our bedroom while the weather is freezing. The loft also happens to look over the living room and kitchen so there is no privacy and no quiet. I'd use the other bedroom aside from the fact that it averages about 10 degrees warmer that whatever it is outside. So roughly 22-40 degrees fahrenheit. I suppose I will suffer the noise.

Had our ward Christmas party last Friday - was one of the nicest I've been to. Thankfully the RS pres. is one of my friends and has very good taste so it was a classy and elegant event. No "potluck-ishness" about it and we didnt have to sing the 12 days of Christmas while acting out each day looking like retards. I hated that. That kind of stuff is not fun for me... so dont ask me to do it. Unless you get me reaaaaaaallly drunk.

Well so far thats it for today, I'm moopy and anxious and just really dont know what to do with myself.

Schpoo.

Ugh.... double ugh.... the day before Thanksgiving and I've already eaten my caloric requirements for the next month...uhhhhggg... (pardon me while I puke quick-like)

We are waiting for our food assistance to kick in (dec. 4th) so we are down to some interesting things in the pantry. Tonight we had polish sausage dogs with cheesy baked potatoes and salad and ginger ale. (not a good combination. I repeat... not a good combination. Of course I figure this out in hindsight :)

I have discovered I have a down-turned mouth... none too happy about that but not sure how to fix it, so I suppose I'm not going to care. Gotta wait for boobs until after the last kid, so I guess I'll throw it in the "I'll care about it later" pile. Stoked for a C-cup.

I have my 2 finals on Sunday...Im so very excited to be DONE with my stupid "How to use capitalization" class. Seriously, higher education my rear patoukah.

Poor Peepers is teething somethin awful, 4 at once. The little boo doesnt know what to do with himself and really wont let me put him down. Baths seem to help, maybe it just takes his mind off it. He is a big fan of bubble baths... pretty darn cute.

So tomorrow is Black Friday... yaaay for people with money. We're going... this computer I'm on has developed an attitude and shuts off and restarts and fixes systems and blue screens whenever it damn well pleases. We had it checked out and its cheaper to just buy something new. We found a little notebook computer at Best Buy for $150... SOLD!! Why things like these happen when no solid income is coming in, I dont know, but it will be nice to be able to finish my homework without restarting 12 times. Now I just need a spare $1200 for another bill that needs to be taken care of. Unfortunately you cant win the lottery if you dont play. Boo.

We're spending T day at our relief society president's house, who happens to be a good friend of mine also. I am happy to have been invited... tradition is that we go out to Shari's... when we first moved up here it was Thanksgiving day and nothing other than Shari's was open...thus starting the tradition of giving thanks for diner food and endless fries. This year that was the plan because we had nothing else to stop us, but now that Kiewit is gone, we were just going to probably roast grilled cheese sandwiches, provided my homemade bread actually rose more than 2 millimeters. But I dont have to worry about it and it is nice.

I've decided to start using that dang treadmill that has been staring me down for the past four months...been feeling flabby and probably have been eating more than I should... take example A at the top of this post. Really regretting that choice... was real good at the time..hehe... And then to make things more pukalicious...Zac topped it off with a huge cup of homemade cocoa and a big bowl of ice cream. But of course it doesnt bother Mr. I-have-the-metabolism-of-a-15-year-old. And I gained back fat watching him eat it. I am now preparing for a vicarious sugar coma.

We have a loft in our house that has a 3/4 wall and there is a queen size bed in it. The loft looks over the living room and the fire place and such, so needless to say it gets very warm. Our bedroom, is lovely with wonderful huge windows and our comfy bed and so far has been averaging a balmy 22 degrees. Fahrenheit. Soooo... in the interest of not freezing to death, we moved upstairs. To the hard-ass bed that was about 90 freakin degrees. Celsius. I had the worst nights sleep. My body hurt and I didnt actually get to bed until 3am. I much rather would have been buried under my 15 blankets with my ear flap hat because I sleep soooo much better in my own bed. Oh well. Were trying it again tonight. Zac thinks I just have to get used to it. Puh-leze... give me a cement slab any day...

Oh I think I forgot to mention that the reason I got laid off was because Kiewit was restructuring and my position went **POOF**. But I am happy. I've got clear skin again :)

Okie doke - Ima gonna facebook and then go get some tea and hunker down for the night in the Sahara..

For the Sake of the New...

Welcome to the clean slate. Starting over. I'd like to just start a new blog completely, but the pages behind this post are pretty much my recorded diary of the past 3 years, so it seems silly to get rid of it when I dont really have the means to print it out.

Soooo... long story short.... got laid off from my job last Monday, but ended up with a job as a dance teacher that Friday. There is a dance studio awaiting an owner or at least a part time occupant that I am pursuing...going to talk more details with people this Turkey Day. Thanks be to God, dreams are coming true.

I have never felt so relaxed in my life. Two days after leaving my job, my skin cleared up to how it was in highschool. I sleep so well now. I love having the time with my family as well. Until my job actually starts we are living on state assistance, which will be put to use buying food storage that is sorely needed.

I don't miss my desk jobs. Not at all. All I ever have wanted to do was continue dancing, but had to give that up for supporting my family. And now I can dance until I die! I'm very happy. I am however, going through stress withdrawals. It's coming down off of 7 years of pent up stress... I am wonderful one moment and then the next sometimes I just tear up and cry. Not because I am sad or depressed or anything, just a release I guess. That is the best I can come up with anyways...I just hope it doesn't last long.

The layoff could definitely could have come at a better time for my bills... biting my lip right now for one in particular...so far that is the only stress I have.

We have 6 inches of snow already, it is 11 degrees here and the roads are icy until you hit the snow line. It is amazingly pretty. The deer are everywhere foraging for whats left of the blackberry bushes, the chickens huddle together on the fence, and the cats are slugs on the rug in front of our amazing fireplace.

Peepers is 15 months now, starting to run and talk and just have a grand ol' time getting into things. Wont let me put him down...which I'm totally fine with!!!!!! Hubs is starting up a wood carving business, he finally found something he is amazing at. He is happier than I have ever seen him.

I have discovered that for $1.50 I can get a Jumbo Jack that is twice the size of anything McDonalds and Wendy's has... not that we eat out alot...heck, we live 20 minutes up a mountain from any part of town... but holy cow... for value menu crap, its good crap.

I changed my layout and background. I thought the white was appropriate. Clean Slate. Starting over. That is what I feel like - starting over. Things are so new again, I am looking forward to it!

Good changes.

Well hello again...6 months later....

There has been many a change here... since my last post, we moved to a wonderful little place in the hills, P is running and I lost my job.

I believe my blog is going to take on a different light now that I am relaxed and have time to start anew. It will still be here, just different. I'm different now. I feel like me. Dance is starting to come back to my life now and I am soooooo happy. I was so worried I'd never have my passion again. I will explain later wehn I get things up and running - hopefully this week. I have missed blogging alot! But I never had the time or energy due to the stress of my job. But now that there are changes afoot... I can do whatever I damn well please :)

See you soon!

la la la...

Man-dates = the only time i seem to blog. And yes Zac is out on one.

For starters its hot here. We dont have AC so cold showers are going to start being the norm. I'll go stand around in Winco just to cool off for all I care.

Ive got an almost 11 month old laughting and screaming at me from his crib, where he apparently is laughing at my hair.. So far the only thing worth laughing at at the moment.

Gotta figure something out for dinner... no clue. Last night's dinner was great! Chicken fingers and sweet chili sauce to dip, ranch fries and corn on the cob. Maybe teriyaki tonight.

The phrase "be the change you want to see in your life" has been on my mind lately... I would like a change when it comes to scripture reading and being more spiritual.. its just hard to get started and out of old routines. Doesnt help that its hot. I also want to start getting back on a cleaning schedule. Needs to be done. Were tidy enough usually, but its nice to have things deep cleaned.

I've noticed that it really wears on you sometimes trying to be so positive all the time, w

hen some days you just want to break down and bawl... its not so much anymore, I was sick this whole past week so I feel I am justified in complaining hehehe :)

Work is going well enough, I still really enjoy it. Oh! I am now a proud student at University of Phoenix online. I start July 29th. I think I may indulge myself in a laptop with my pell grant money. I think I deserve it.

Ugh... I gotta go make dinner. Im starving!!! Heres a pic to leave off with.

cant think of anything clever

And once again, I am forced to channel my inner Han Solo...emphasis on the "solo" part. Zac's on a man-date again. This time to go get donuts. Men.

I guess I'm not completely alone...Peepers is with me, we read all his books, danced for about an hour, and now he is just being a ham in his jumperoo. And I am stoked because i found half of the playlist that was on my MP3 player still on my computer!!! (MP3 player doesn't work.)

Pot roast is almost done...excited!!! Although just like men to go get dessert first and spoil their appetites. Contemplating potatoes and gravy...I guess if its just me I may as well!! This date is taking for-ev-ah.

Not much has happened this week...Work has been absolutely insane! But good. Peepers was up all night throwing up... we are pretty sure some of the formula we had was bad... although just like him... he was laughing and giggling all night. He is fine now.. mom got 4 hours of sleep. But for some reason I'm still doing well.

For some reason I want to go to Colorado. I have always wanted to move there...the pretty parts... well, like middle of no where... farm/ranch country.. sorry, Rocky Mountain High is playing in the background...

Some days I just want to up-heave everything I own and go build a cabin in the middle of nowhere and disappear. Live simple like the pioneers. And then other days, I am happy to have some cushy things. I think its when I get stressed is when I just want to move my family to the woods. Dont have to answer to no one. (yes, I know that is grammatically incorrect.)

Im starting school in the fall. (yippee?) I am excited, but at the same time I am kicking myself for not doing it right after highschool. Why was I so dumb after highschool????? O well...live and learn. And I think i'll get more out of college now anyways now that I care about it.

Darn man-dates. They take for freakin ever. Last time they went to IKEA and spent like 2 hours there! Well, not like you can get out of there in 45 minutes... but still.

Do you ever feel like you need reassurance for the stupidest things that you should already know? Im starting to get in that mood. Its like getting a crash off of a confidence high... lasts for awhile and then all the sudden for no good reason your pedestal is kicked out from under you? Hmmm.... s'pose it doesnt help its that time of the month...(sorry for TMI)

Geez. By the time they get back, the crock pot will have eaten the roast!! Sigh...boredom thy name is Han Solo. And it sucks a wee bit too because Im not much of a movie person, so I cant just sit and watch something I've already seen unless its like, Robin Hood Men in Tights. OOHH! I watched Robin Hood Prince of Theives for the first time the other night... I cant take it seriously!! Men in Tights parodied it soooo much I can only laugh through the entire thing!! Made Men in Tights much better tho :)

Man, can I just say I love James Taylor and John Denver? I love their music. I love the old music, by that I mean from 1960's-2000. After that, Im not sure what happened. 90's music I have good memories of... 7th and 8th grade making tapes off the radio of the "hot 9 at 9" playlist on Magic 93.1...I still have one tape lol... No Doubt reminds me of Cecelia...

I do enjoy a few new songs....but their just not the same.

ok...im gonna go get into my pot roast now.

hewwwo

Its been pouring allllllll week. And I've been loving every second of it. See.. Im not a fan of the sun. Why? Because I'm DEATHLY pale. And I burn even with 50 spf sunscreen. Which is what happened at rehearsal last saturday on the top of a treeless hill for 6 hours. I never knew "sun poisoning" existed before then. I was so sick and my face was swollen up so bad i had to take 2 days off of work! I am at the itchy stage now, oh and peely too.

Hubs is on a man-date with a friend tonight...his wife was having "girls night in" so he had to get out. He called zac and asked if he wanted to go get dinner and a movie..I asked Zac if he was going to do some pushups before he got picked up...(hehehehe....im such a nice gal...)

So tonight its just me and squee. Im uploading pics to my other blog and thinking about making peanut butter m&m cookies... ever had those M&M's??? BEST EVAH! Mainly because hubs doesnt like them...more, well... all for me! :)

Work has been going well, Im still exhausted, but was starting to recover until I got knocked down again by the sun.

Squee should be asleep right now...he's talking to his plastic cow in his bed right now. Its so cute! Ok, well I'm going to go make cookies...I cant wait any longer...

random-chemo-busy-week

Well we are in full swing of Chemo right now. Thankfully Zac only had to get one dose, but it still takes about 3 weeks for him to start feeling back to normal. So far he is feeling like crapola. Which is why i havent been on for a week.

We are taking a trip to California this Memorial day to see my Grandparents. My grandpa has had some health problems so we thought that since i have some vacay days, why not go down??

They havent seen little guy yet.

We didnt go to church today...Zac wasnt feeling well at all. He had a good day yesterday, we went out for a walk and stuff, but today that reversed. And next week he cant really leave the house at all because the second week of a chemo treatment is the time that your immune system is the lowest.

So basically that's been my week. I finally got some sleep yesterday only because it was saturday. I had rehearsal for the play i am choreographing for last saturday, so that meant no sleeping in, Sunday was church and then we went hiking, monday i had rehearsal, tuesday zac had chemo, wednesday I worked then came home and cleaned (no sleep tues and wed nights) thurs I had rehearsal and friday I had visiting teaching. Crazy hellish week.

The play im teaching is getting to be more fun. We are doing the Pajama Game...which in my opinion is one of the dumbest plays ever.... well, the songs are... and ya know what? Its actually pretty fun once you start dancing to them. I work for a childrens' theater and the kids are just great. I'd love a chance to do adult theater though. That'd be fun too.

I have to go to the store today...poo. I just looked in the cabinet and realized that i only have 1/4 can of baby formula left. grrr.

Anna at Hope Road ( I love her posts..) is the second blogger to do a V-log introduction/post which is making me think I should hop on the band wagon, but so far as i know, the only people that i know read this thing are the people I see every sunday anyways... if anyone else reads this...let me know... I lost my counter when i changed my template.

We just signed up for netflix today... actually about 7am this morning. Zac apparently woke up promptly and decided we needed it. ( I was still asleep when this happened) anywho... i am a HUGE travel junkie and I love the Rick Steve's travel shows...and holy crap they have so many more than HULU!!! Waaahhhooo! Nothing more relaxing (other than a massage, facial, massage and massage with accompanying chocolate) than coming home from work, making a pot of tea and escaping to Europe. I miss it over there. I will go back there before I die. And nowadays its so easy to do it on pretty much a whim... so far money is the only thing holding us back. Still want to move there. Permanently. But like I said... and I do enjoy my life here too. I just want Zac and my kids to experience AMAZING food, people and history like I was able to.

Well... I think that covers it...I've got to get to the store before little one wakes up and decides he's hungry. Take care!!

4-23-10

Outside my window…
Its rainy and dark...pretty much bedtime.

I am thinking…
really, about going to bed and wondering why my allergies just started up. its been such a long day, i even missed my meeting with the producer of the play i choreograph for! I'm ready (almost) for saturday.

I am thankful for…
A wonderful home and family to come home to. Its so nice to just come home and be able to relax.

From the kitchen…
lol i had chips and guacamole for dinner. There was no creativity going on tonight.

I am wearing…
sweats and a red shirt.

I am creating…
a disaster.

I am going…
to not think about anything tonight. blank slate. pretend im in a cozy cabin in the swiss alps during a blizzard.

I am reading…
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Again. Best book ever. Aside from Catherine Called Birdy.

I am hoping…
that this weekend is going to go slllloooooowwwwww.

I am hearing…
my noisy arse computer try to take off for jupiter. freakin dinosaur. i am still thankful however...

Around the house…
oh gosh. disaster-ville. dont even get me started.

One of my favorite things…
big, strong, husband arms.

A few plans for the rest of the week…
work, work out, rehearsal...lather, rinse, repeat...

I'm baaaaaackk.....again :)

I'm back in the bloggy mood. As in typing every day or something close to that...not to mention that I finally have my computer at home back. We sold my original computer and zac still had his and my work computer doesn't allow social networking site for more than 10 minutes at a time so Ive had to do other things. not to mention this past month has been insane.

For starters, we found out Zac had testicular cancer and went in for surgery for a nut-ectomy the day-of emergency room visit. (not nerve-wracking at all... ha.) We later found out that the cancer hadn't gotten through the outer layer of the testicle and they got every visible cell! However, he still is going through a shot of Chemo for any microscopic cells that still may be residing in his lymph nodes. But its only a one-time shot of platinum - which somehow someone figured out that platinum is the only thing that kills testicular cancer cells - and he will only be out for a weekend if he even feels the side effects at all. So then that week, mom-in-law and bro-in-law came up to help out for a week so I could go to work, and then Zac and Pierce left with them for Idaho for 10 days. I, thankfully had auditions to run and work to stay late at to keep myself busy until that weekend when i flew into Moscow to meet my parents and my sisters boyfriend to watch her end of year dance performance at the college. That was Saturday, Sunday we drove 6 hours back to Nampa where I reconvened with my hubby and baby, then spent Monday visiting friends until my plane left for Portland that evening. (that was the FASTEST weekend ever.) Then I had two more days until my boys came home.

Zac is doing very well, back to normal now. Still waiting to go through Chemo. He is out on a man-date right now with his friend at REI...I am sitting here contemplating another cup of tea, my furball is sleeping on my lap and I somehow convinced my 8 month old that he was indeed tired and in need of a nap. (hallelujah.)

We all had bronchitis for the past week and a half...over that now, I still have a stupid little residual cough though...which made it fun to sit through 36 hours of Business Managers Meeting last week...but thats ok :) My house is a disaster now.. our normal cleaning routine got creamed by the happenings of this past month. Its definitely getting to be spring time up here. It still rains like it always does in Portland, but its not freezing anymore. And the sun is coming out a little more. Beautiful.

Man I hate apartments. The guy that lives next to us has been re-living the 80-90's since 10am this morning. So far we have listened to Baby Got Back, Oops I did it Again, Ice Ice Baby, the entire MC Hammer album..the one with Cant Touch This on it...among others. PITA. (pain in the arse.)

Had Papa Johns for the first time in ages last night...OMG. I forgot how good they are. Its funny, in high school they used to sell it for lunches and it was so greasy and gross I never ate it..although when i did eat in high school (which was almost never) I went for the cookies instead. Hey - they were good cookies! Not to mention ENORMOUS. About 800 calories per cookie probably...

Ive finally discovered a laundry soap that smells like laundry after you wash things...(yes i've been searching for one) Arm & Hammer...the metallic blue stuff in the clear container. For some reason its a stress reliever to smell clean laundry...not to mention then you can tell which clothes actually are clean in case they end up on the floor...(not that I'd know anything about that....)

My work pays for our gym membership...sooooo nice. And we have a gym right down the street from our house.. YAY! And it has child watch. The girls are great there. Although now since Pierce has hit 8 months...i think he's starting to realize that Mom or Dad isn't there... he goes into such fits and panics and turns completely purple and splotchy just like his aunt Shannon when she used to and still does get overworked. He only let me work out for 20 minutes yesterday... He'll figure it out eventually. He is working on crawling now...he can get on his hands and knees and just rock back and forth with a worried look on his face...it will come...and then we are going to have to figure out how to fence off the kitchen. He's a huge fan of sweet potatoes and butternut squash... he's growing up too fast. :( I kind of miss my itty bitty guy...but oh man is he fun! Zac's having a great time too...he's a stay at home dad and is just having a blast with Pierce.

Well, I think I've exhausted my gray cells for the time being...im going to make another cup of tea and contemplate cleaning. (which in reality will mean that I will get on facebook.)

Im a busy lady...

o let me re-cap the past month. Crazyness. Here's what went down:

Zac had testicular cancer.

The Pajama Game auditions/rehearsals started up.

Zac had surgery.

Zac and Pierce left for Idaho for 10 days so I conducted auditions and stayed very late at work.

I went to see Shannon and the fam in idaho for a weekend...came back before zac and pierce did so I stayed at work some more.

Been back and forth between doc appts for Zac, Pierce and Myself.

Been sick 2.5 weeks out of the 4 weeks of March.

Slugged out for a weekend (finally!!!!!) with Zac and Pierce

Went to meeting after casting after parent meeting for Pajama Game.

Been working.

Uploading pics on the family blog. (keeping up 2 blogs is tough.)

Its been a blur. And im getting over being sick the second time around. Life is going great, although i havent had any time for deep thought or contemplation this blog is used to, but hey...Im getting back into a routine. Its crazy how getting sick will throw EVERYTHING off. That said, I must get my sick butt to bed. So here's a pic to leave off with.

Holy Crap its been a month.

Seriously...i've had to wait a month to use the computer for something other than work???? Well, ya, apparently. I've sorely neglected this blog but for good reason..I've been doing this:

and this:

So please forgive me if beautiful mountain weather, one sexy backpackin man and a cutie patootie of a son makes me drop all things modern and electronic like a hot rock. were goin again today. man i love the pacific northwest!!

I think I might be learning something here....

I think I might be learning something here… yesterday, I was irritated beyond belief, I haven’t been so mad in a long time. I stuck it out and bottled my anger up for the last 15 minutes of work and got home. I had to take a deep breath before I walked in the door. One thing I promised Zac was that I would leave work at work and when I was home, work wouldn’t matter. So Zac was busy with something and I went in to the room to change into sweats…and the most bizarre (I say bizarre for lack of a more awe-implicating word) thing happened. The second I sat down, I was overwhelmed with the need to pray for forgiveness and repent. For myself! I asked for forgiveness that I got so angry with the person and the situation, and for the awful feeling I projected towards them. I asked for forgiveness that I might be able to see perhaps where they were coming from with the point of view. I can tell you that I was amazed and astounded that this was coming out of my mouth…Usually I wouldn’t even bother, and I’d just sit and stew and replay what I should have done over and over and over again until I’d exhausted the scenario. (yes that’s how my mind works, I don’t know why.) And I know that as a Christian, that doing that sort of thing isn’t following the Light, nor is it the example I should be setting. I prayed a bit more on a few other things that went along with this situation, but I wont go into all that. The main point is that I never really had thought about asking for forgiveness for myself. I had always asked for help forgiving others. But I understand now that not repenting and asking for God to forgive you is just as much of a sin as not repenting for anything.

And the best part is…this morning, I felt great about it. I think it really made a difference in how I dealt with this person today. Last night, I think I actually learned the power of the Atonement and the power of repentance. Its there for a reason, and yes, it does work.

No sunshine and rainbows here.

Im sorry, but I must vent. Vehemently. I am sooo seethingly incensed right now I could cry, scream and throw things violently. I wont go into specifics for certain reasons, but I will say that the difference between Europeans and Americans is huge and I miss Europe. I'm soooooooooo tired of this petty crap about how everyone must look "just so" or else they are pegged as pretty much a leper.

I dont get it, I hate it and I could scream right now and bottling this up for the next 15 minutes until I get off work hopefully will hold. What self righteous snobby pigs are we that cant even bother to see the person rather than the face. I dont get it. I never ever ran into that in France. NEVER. No one cared if you did or didnt wear make up, no one has "hair do's", fashion is optional and quite a bit more realistic than here. No one cared if men had beards, went bald, wore rings...Sheesh. We are so damn based on looks its appalling.

Im pissed. i havent been this pissed off in a LONG time. This is even worse than the whole family issue that is still hanging over my head. And Im hoping that it will go away soon. I'll have to have a talk with the big guy upstairs and hope that by talking with Him, I shall calm down enough to at least breathe.

Heellllooo Promotion!!

Like I said in my last post - 2010 will be a great year. I just got a HUGE promotion just handed to me on a silver platter. I am starting out as the assistant business manager for a little bit and then after the 1st year I will be a business manager on job sites, and the positions jsut keep moving up every couple years or so. And i can tell you what, people who are at the 20 year mark make beaucoup bucks! And here's the kicker - they pay for all my school. :)

So after I get trained here in the district office, I will be moved around to the jobsites as needed, so we will be moving alot, but with places like Hawaii and British Columbia (among others)...no complaints here! OH!! and theres a chance that I could get sent to one of our Canada jobs, because since I speak French, Ive been doing the document translation here in the district office, they said that is a good skill with this company.

I am so overwhelmed with happiness that I am totally out of dead-end jobs! I would be so stupid to not have taken this, as i have no degree and all my experience was self taught. Silver platter indeed!

I am quite flattered, and soooooo thankful that God has placed this opportunity in front of me. I have been praying for something to come along, amazing what a little patience with the Lord does... It feels SOOOOOO good to finally get recognized for my skills!! That I can do waaay more than spreadsheets. Its funny, because I actually had two opportunities ahead of me, the first that came up was to get moved up to the IT and web design staff, but the right people weren't there at the right time and this business management postition fell into place right as we were trying to discuss the IT thing. I FINALLY HAVE A CAREER!!

I was going to start school anyways this summer and set a career path as a Doctor of Radiology...mainly because I am sooo tired of being the breadwinner, but only able to bring a dinner roll home because of no degree. Dont get me wrong, I would really enjoy med school, however I was doing it more for the money. And not to mention the prospect of it, I couldnt wrap my head around really. There was no passion behind it, but that was the plan. And then this came in to play...almost too easily. Everything just fell into place, and I am a firm believer that when things just happen like that...somebody upstairs is trying to tell you something.

I never went to college in the first place because, dammit, i want to do and be everything! I still do. However, one can only do so many things in a lifetime..and now i've got a chance to go for one thing.

I cant tell you how excited i am..although im sure you can probably guess.

I think this is the first year evah.. that I am excited and motivated for the new year. 2010 is going to be my best year yet! I bought a planner.

Ok so that really doesnt make a difference, what makes a difference is that I am actually using it. And I have so many great things to look forward to this year, despite the family issue, I am very happy and excited to see how this year transpires. The only exception is that this year will be the year my son turns 1...Im not sure I'm ready for that.

Things are going GREAT on the job-front, (more about that in another post, mostly because Im waiting on some details...) home life is cozy and we have made that much more of an effort to read scriptures and do family home evening and relate more of our conversation to the positive and he spiritual aspects of things....our son is an absolute joy, I cannot remember what life was like without him...I am making an effort to make my prayers a little more substantial and meaningful, and to do it more often. My hours at work have changed to 8-5pm so I am now being able to squeeze in 1/2 hour workouts every day after I get off work. I am working on a plan to be a little more organized when it comes to paperwork and finances, could always use a little fine-tuning...and making a little more time to squeeze my Stinky-cat.

I'm excited and rarin' to go. I've even gone so far as to make a long term (10 years!) goal, that this whole next decade, that each day I am going to be the person I'd like to be tomorrow and that by the time 2020 rolls around (isnt that weird to think about still? 2020?) that my family and I are going to be in a place where spirituality, good times and stability will just be a way of life.

And I am truly thankful for the chance I have been given to make a difference in my family's lives for the better and for the opportunities that have been basically handed to me. (again, more on this when I get all the details.) I am so thankful for the friends we have made up here and for how much of a support system they have been for us this past year. And it goes without saying, that I am grateful for our families back home, that they have given us all thier support and unconditional love throughout the past 4 years.

Speaking of 4 years...in one month...we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary!! I know he doesnt read this blog...but Zac, I love you and am so grateful for your love and support and for stepping up and being the best "mr. mom" in the world!

Its going to be a good year. :)

Fast and Thank-imony meeting

Today I rejoiced that church started at 11!! And for one whole year!!! And then I realized it was Fast and Thank-imony meeting. (yes i know the proper name is fast and testimony meeting) however, hardly anyone gives testimonies. They all say what they are thankful for and thank their families for loving them and while that is all well and good, they aren't testimonies of the Lord.

Testimonies are that you know in your heart of hearts that something is true. For example, I know that Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God. That is a testimony because I can (key word here..) testify that it I know it to be true. Thanking God and Christ and our families for what we have and have been blessed with is for prayers. The presidency of our church even put out a letter to every meeting house we have that tells us that Fast and Testimony meetings are not health-logs, prayers, sermons, family updates or story time. (among other things.) And it seems that it fell on deaf ears all over the country. So far the only real "testimony-like" testimonies are from the little kids, and all they are doing is repeating what facts are taught to them!

The few people who go up and actually bear witness to the truths that they know of our Lord, I love to listen to. I love to know that they know they are cared for by our Saviour. The rest, well I feel for you, and Im glad you are so thankful that you start weeping, however give me substance! Let me know that you know the Saviour! Let me know that you are convicted of Christ! Show me that Christ has made such an impact on your life that you need to share His truths! Build my strength up by letting me know that the truths I know are shared by you!

Otherwise I might end up like the few youth who were sitting in front of me texting on their phones all meeting long and getting nothing out going to Sacrament Meeting.

And so it begins...

Welcome to 2010... its going to be a very different year for us this year. I am not going to say much on the matter until next Thursday when I find out for sure just how different things will be. but I know it will be better that last year.

Last night was like any other night. We cleaned, made dinner, played on the computer, changed diapers, comforted a neurotic cat (fireworks.), and then I hit the hay at midnight. Some how I made it until then.

Today I hope to do absolutely nothing but eat, putz around the house and clean up my kitchen. Happy New Years to you!