I think I might be learning something here....

I think I might be learning something here… yesterday, I was irritated beyond belief, I haven’t been so mad in a long time. I stuck it out and bottled my anger up for the last 15 minutes of work and got home. I had to take a deep breath before I walked in the door. One thing I promised Zac was that I would leave work at work and when I was home, work wouldn’t matter. So Zac was busy with something and I went in to the room to change into sweats…and the most bizarre (I say bizarre for lack of a more awe-implicating word) thing happened. The second I sat down, I was overwhelmed with the need to pray for forgiveness and repent. For myself! I asked for forgiveness that I got so angry with the person and the situation, and for the awful feeling I projected towards them. I asked for forgiveness that I might be able to see perhaps where they were coming from with the point of view. I can tell you that I was amazed and astounded that this was coming out of my mouth…Usually I wouldn’t even bother, and I’d just sit and stew and replay what I should have done over and over and over again until I’d exhausted the scenario. (yes that’s how my mind works, I don’t know why.) And I know that as a Christian, that doing that sort of thing isn’t following the Light, nor is it the example I should be setting. I prayed a bit more on a few other things that went along with this situation, but I wont go into all that. The main point is that I never really had thought about asking for forgiveness for myself. I had always asked for help forgiving others. But I understand now that not repenting and asking for God to forgive you is just as much of a sin as not repenting for anything.

And the best part is…this morning, I felt great about it. I think it really made a difference in how I dealt with this person today. Last night, I think I actually learned the power of the Atonement and the power of repentance. Its there for a reason, and yes, it does work.

No sunshine and rainbows here.

Im sorry, but I must vent. Vehemently. I am sooo seethingly incensed right now I could cry, scream and throw things violently. I wont go into specifics for certain reasons, but I will say that the difference between Europeans and Americans is huge and I miss Europe. I'm soooooooooo tired of this petty crap about how everyone must look "just so" or else they are pegged as pretty much a leper.

I dont get it, I hate it and I could scream right now and bottling this up for the next 15 minutes until I get off work hopefully will hold. What self righteous snobby pigs are we that cant even bother to see the person rather than the face. I dont get it. I never ever ran into that in France. NEVER. No one cared if you did or didnt wear make up, no one has "hair do's", fashion is optional and quite a bit more realistic than here. No one cared if men had beards, went bald, wore rings...Sheesh. We are so damn based on looks its appalling.

Im pissed. i havent been this pissed off in a LONG time. This is even worse than the whole family issue that is still hanging over my head. And Im hoping that it will go away soon. I'll have to have a talk with the big guy upstairs and hope that by talking with Him, I shall calm down enough to at least breathe.

Heellllooo Promotion!!

Like I said in my last post - 2010 will be a great year. I just got a HUGE promotion just handed to me on a silver platter. I am starting out as the assistant business manager for a little bit and then after the 1st year I will be a business manager on job sites, and the positions jsut keep moving up every couple years or so. And i can tell you what, people who are at the 20 year mark make beaucoup bucks! And here's the kicker - they pay for all my school. :)

So after I get trained here in the district office, I will be moved around to the jobsites as needed, so we will be moving alot, but with places like Hawaii and British Columbia (among others)...no complaints here! OH!! and theres a chance that I could get sent to one of our Canada jobs, because since I speak French, Ive been doing the document translation here in the district office, they said that is a good skill with this company.

I am so overwhelmed with happiness that I am totally out of dead-end jobs! I would be so stupid to not have taken this, as i have no degree and all my experience was self taught. Silver platter indeed!

I am quite flattered, and soooooo thankful that God has placed this opportunity in front of me. I have been praying for something to come along, amazing what a little patience with the Lord does... It feels SOOOOOO good to finally get recognized for my skills!! That I can do waaay more than spreadsheets. Its funny, because I actually had two opportunities ahead of me, the first that came up was to get moved up to the IT and web design staff, but the right people weren't there at the right time and this business management postition fell into place right as we were trying to discuss the IT thing. I FINALLY HAVE A CAREER!!

I was going to start school anyways this summer and set a career path as a Doctor of Radiology...mainly because I am sooo tired of being the breadwinner, but only able to bring a dinner roll home because of no degree. Dont get me wrong, I would really enjoy med school, however I was doing it more for the money. And not to mention the prospect of it, I couldnt wrap my head around really. There was no passion behind it, but that was the plan. And then this came in to play...almost too easily. Everything just fell into place, and I am a firm believer that when things just happen like that...somebody upstairs is trying to tell you something.

I never went to college in the first place because, dammit, i want to do and be everything! I still do. However, one can only do so many things in a lifetime..and now i've got a chance to go for one thing.

I cant tell you how excited i am..although im sure you can probably guess.

I think this is the first year evah.. that I am excited and motivated for the new year. 2010 is going to be my best year yet! I bought a planner.

Ok so that really doesnt make a difference, what makes a difference is that I am actually using it. And I have so many great things to look forward to this year, despite the family issue, I am very happy and excited to see how this year transpires. The only exception is that this year will be the year my son turns 1...Im not sure I'm ready for that.

Things are going GREAT on the job-front, (more about that in another post, mostly because Im waiting on some details...) home life is cozy and we have made that much more of an effort to read scriptures and do family home evening and relate more of our conversation to the positive and he spiritual aspects of things....our son is an absolute joy, I cannot remember what life was like without him...I am making an effort to make my prayers a little more substantial and meaningful, and to do it more often. My hours at work have changed to 8-5pm so I am now being able to squeeze in 1/2 hour workouts every day after I get off work. I am working on a plan to be a little more organized when it comes to paperwork and finances, could always use a little fine-tuning...and making a little more time to squeeze my Stinky-cat.

I'm excited and rarin' to go. I've even gone so far as to make a long term (10 years!) goal, that this whole next decade, that each day I am going to be the person I'd like to be tomorrow and that by the time 2020 rolls around (isnt that weird to think about still? 2020?) that my family and I are going to be in a place where spirituality, good times and stability will just be a way of life.

And I am truly thankful for the chance I have been given to make a difference in my family's lives for the better and for the opportunities that have been basically handed to me. (again, more on this when I get all the details.) I am so thankful for the friends we have made up here and for how much of a support system they have been for us this past year. And it goes without saying, that I am grateful for our families back home, that they have given us all thier support and unconditional love throughout the past 4 years.

Speaking of 4 years...in one month...we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary!! I know he doesnt read this blog...but Zac, I love you and am so grateful for your love and support and for stepping up and being the best "mr. mom" in the world!

Its going to be a good year. :)

Fast and Thank-imony meeting

Today I rejoiced that church started at 11!! And for one whole year!!! And then I realized it was Fast and Thank-imony meeting. (yes i know the proper name is fast and testimony meeting) however, hardly anyone gives testimonies. They all say what they are thankful for and thank their families for loving them and while that is all well and good, they aren't testimonies of the Lord.

Testimonies are that you know in your heart of hearts that something is true. For example, I know that Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God. That is a testimony because I can (key word here..) testify that it I know it to be true. Thanking God and Christ and our families for what we have and have been blessed with is for prayers. The presidency of our church even put out a letter to every meeting house we have that tells us that Fast and Testimony meetings are not health-logs, prayers, sermons, family updates or story time. (among other things.) And it seems that it fell on deaf ears all over the country. So far the only real "testimony-like" testimonies are from the little kids, and all they are doing is repeating what facts are taught to them!

The few people who go up and actually bear witness to the truths that they know of our Lord, I love to listen to. I love to know that they know they are cared for by our Saviour. The rest, well I feel for you, and Im glad you are so thankful that you start weeping, however give me substance! Let me know that you know the Saviour! Let me know that you are convicted of Christ! Show me that Christ has made such an impact on your life that you need to share His truths! Build my strength up by letting me know that the truths I know are shared by you!

Otherwise I might end up like the few youth who were sitting in front of me texting on their phones all meeting long and getting nothing out going to Sacrament Meeting.

And so it begins...

Welcome to 2010... its going to be a very different year for us this year. I am not going to say much on the matter until next Thursday when I find out for sure just how different things will be. but I know it will be better that last year.

Last night was like any other night. We cleaned, made dinner, played on the computer, changed diapers, comforted a neurotic cat (fireworks.), and then I hit the hay at midnight. Some how I made it until then.

Today I hope to do absolutely nothing but eat, putz around the house and clean up my kitchen. Happy New Years to you!