This spoke to me today...

There once was a city divided in two by a big wall. People on both sides hated those who lived on the opposite side. One night they decided to gather all the trash they could find on their side and threw it over the wall - leaving a mound of garbage for their neighbors to wake up to.

The next morning the recipients of the garbage held a meeting and devised a plan. That night they gathered beautiful things and threw them over the wall. Flowers and anything beautiful they could find were piled in a heap on the other side. And above the mound of beautiful things they hung a note that said: "Each man gives what he has.”

Warning: Free Range Zombies

I am a zombie today. I have accomplished nothing aside from some form of zombie-ish hospitality welcoming trainee's into the Supervisor Boot Camp and taking testers back to the testing room while giving them a haphazard shpiel on how to take the stupid thing. Today I started dotting my "O's" instead of my "I's". (True story. I cant write today either.)

Here's how today is going down....

• Random anxiety attack at 4am woke me up...tried to drift back to sleep
• 5:15 am....woke up to a teeny eyes and teeny nose staring at me point blank whispering "mom-mom...drink pease...mom-mom...meeeeeuuuulllk..."
• 5:15am-6:30am...laid down on Peepers bed for awhile then got dressed and ate breakfast
• 6:30am-7:15am...quick trip to WalMart and Winco for food for the training 
• 7:15am-5:00pm...work...minus the work...on training days I turn into slave/waitress/indentured servant and therefore get nothing done aside from re-filling coffee.

I do get an hour and a half break for dinner tonight before rehearsal...I have to be at rehearsal tonight, it is a big one since our show is coming up in a week or so.

I havent eaten very well and I was forced to drink a Red Bull. I know I have some form of adrenal fatigue and I am REALLY feeling the affects of it lately...and I know caffeine is not what I need right now...but there is nothing worse than falling over during a 16 hour day.

On a sort of random note... I do like how quickly I get reimbursed for my work purchases...I ususally get reimbursed the same day. I dont particularly enjoy having to be reimbursed...I would prefer to just have a company card or even just cash a check. It is irritating having to mix money like that. But as long as I keep an eye on it...

I am playing with an idea about opening up a jewelry/handbag/accessory store with my sister...she doesnt know it yet...well...I messaged her so she will find out soon I guess... I think it would be fun. 

Alright, I am headed off...only 1.5 hours left until I can go home and smoosh my wee one and my hubby.

Hmph.

I feel worthless today. I am in a bad mood...disgruntled and moopy...could cry at any second..(could nap at any second as well)...I cannot focus and I just want to give up.

Some days I wonder what it would be like if I could be a stay at home mom and my husband worked. But then I remember that our marriage is a much more happy place when I am the working spouse and he is teh  stay at home parent. Besides, I couldnt take away the fun he has staying with Peepers. The situation really is perfect...

I think I am just tired. Make that slightly exhausted. I feel like I am running on fumes all the time. From the moment I wake up until the time I go to bed, aside from making myself lunch...I am at the service of everyone else. I spend 8 hours a day trying to make the people at my work happy, then I come hope and entertain my son and husband and then after Peepers goes to bed I hang out with my husband, which usually involves me cleaning something,  and then I go to bed and do it all over again the next day, plus the 3 hours I take on Saturdays to go teach and then if we go to church on Sunday then I have to get dressed all over again. Dont get me wrong, I love my life. (aside from having to work, but I haven't met too many people that can get by without having to work) I think I just need to sit and have some me time. And I need to sleep more. And I probably should lay off the caffeine.

Some days I get a little jealous of some friends who are homemakers who wake up with their kids..send whoever off to school, have their coffee or tea or whatever and eat breakfast while watching cartoons...then cleaning teh house, running errands and baking or doing crafty things...while I am at the mercy of someone elses schedule and having to keep appointments and revenue and bills and things in my head at all times as a walking encyclopedia so whenever someone asks me something I can just rattle out the answer they want...it is kindof taxing filling your brain with so much stuff...I know that I should not envy the lives of others because they all come with their own baggage..but some days I cant help myself. Maybe I just need a vacation. Actually a million bucks may do the trick :)

Well, I will be starting up classes for my LCPB soon and when I get that over and done with then I can be my own boss. The problem is right now I jsut want to sit on my butt and not do anything. At all. For a long time. I think I will start planning a vacation. Apparently I need a getaway.

Ok well I feel a bit better from typing out my thoughts, as per usual...but unfortunatley it is no cure-all...for my mood nor my paperwork.

March in PNW

It is soo freezing cold here! It wouldn't be so bad it the dang wind decided to stop blowing. This morning I walked to work in pouring rain mixed with snow that was blowing 2 directions at once with a driving cold wind.  And by lunch time it was sunny. I have decided to stop trying to figure out the weather here. It is what it is and whenever I think I have mastered it, it changes.

Today  began as day 2 of no motivation. I need to start going to sleep earlier..I think last night I went to bed at about 11 but slept so deep that waking up was like waking the dead. I was a zombie again this morning and didnt get anything done. But I just dont feel like doing anything. Dont get me wrong, I am getting things accomplished, just not as quickly as I had hoped.

Some days I wish I had an office where I could shut my door and work on things. I have larger projects that I work on, but I have a billion other responsibilities as well which always interfere with what I am working on. One day when the company gets more revenue coming in they will hire a receptionist/front desk person and I will get an office and be able to focus on the books.

We got our tax return back...I am so proud of myself..2nd year in a row that I have gotten our taxes filed well before March is over. I love having the money back because we now have the start of a savings account, although it is a little tough to not pull out $100 to go spend on 3 pairs of shoes...Target actually has a pair of shoes that I love and I want one in every color. But....I have a feeling that wont be happening. I like having the money in savings.

I am tired. Only 2 more hours to go...I feel very unproductive today. And its horrible...having my heater on makes it too hot and turning it off makes me too cold.

I have the night off tonight...the venue where we rehearse normally is being taken up by some other function so we had to move venues and the company decided to switch what we were rehearsing. I foresee a Mama-Date tonight.. Peepers and I have Mama-Dates so we can get some one on one time. Usually in ends up being a trip to McDonalds for "fry-fry's, chickees and chockit meeeyouk". (translation: french fries, chicken nuggets and chocolate milk) or going to Target and getting "foo-naks" (fruit snacks) and mom doing some shopping. Or we just go to Winco and go grocery shopping. As long as we are spending time together. I love those dates. Tonight I do need to go to Target for some things and Peepers needs a haircut.

I want to move to Europe. The longing has been nagging me again. My travel bug is back again and it kills me that we cant just up and go. I miss being able to just sit at a cafe all day long and not do anything..I miss really good food...street performers...80 degree Mediterranean sea...public transportation that actually works...did i mention the food? Also I would like to be able to speak French full time again. I still keep in touch with my friends over there, but it is different typing a facebook message to them in French than actually being there. I miss Paris immensely.

Ok well here is to hoping that the next hour and a half goes by quickly!

Thursday?

I had to delete the last post. I got the situation figured out with that person and I dont need the negative vibes of hate mail to myself on my blog. It was more me venting.

I have anxiety again. It started last night...don't know why...probably that time of the month...but you never know...

Z and I had our first actual date last night in 2-ish years that didnt involve Wal Mart or Home Depot. IT WAS AWESOME! We went out to our favorite sushi place, and we took our DEAR SWEET TIME. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind taking Peepers out to eat, he's usually pretty good...but when he is done, that means we're done too... so we spent as long as our stomachs would let us stay. It had been awhile since we had good sushi.

Then we went over to Big Al's for bowling and arcade..but we were  so stuffed that we decided to start with the arcade so we could digest enough to be able to bowl a decent game..that was the first time I've ever played anything but air hockey and enjoyed it. I used to be so good at air hockey...I lost all four games last night :( On a high note though, I did better than Z at the Big Game Hunts...(hint: you dont have to pull the thingy back to reload so you basically get to go hunting with an automatic machine gun)

By the time we were done with the arcade all the bowling lanes were taken and we figured we'd better get back to the house anyways since our babysitter wasnt getting any cheaper! It was a nice 3 hours out of the house with just us.

My initial plan was to go to sushi and then go to this place in P-town where you can rent your own private terrace hot tub and go tubbing (among other things you may do on a romantic evening in  a hot tub) under the stars, or the rain...which is more likely in P-town. But we decided to keep it local..besides, we were so full after sushi that there was no way we wanted to drive over there.

I really want to go camping. It is such gorgeous weather out again...I walked to work again and it felt like one of those crisp early mornings when you are out camping and just wake up to breakfast being made...I need a vacation. Camping sounds just fine. I had also contemplated the beach...my parents stayed in a cute little cottage-y hotel over the summer...right on the beach...fireplace included...that is the way to do the beach in the winter. Even in the summer...we seldom have hot enough days to warrant me going in the water. I got spoiled in the Mediterranean where its normally 80 degree water and the warm currents that pass by are 100 degrees..it was HEAVEN. I would live at the beach if the Oregon coast was that warm. But alas....I am a weenie.

I keep wondering about ways to become a millionaire. Nothing is coming to me. Perhaps one day I'll get an idea.

I am so thankful for teh receptionist that I work with...She brings such a light and good spirit to the office that she has made me feel better just by talking about random things. So thankful for someone like that!!

I start my bible study tonight... wish me luck. Im starting with a 60 day over view read...mainly because I have only heard some of the more popular stories and Ive only actually read Luke, James, Revelations and Acts I & II. Oh and Job.  But I know the bible doesnt necessarily go in order, so I am going to do the overview study just to get my feet wet and then when I get familiarized with things then I will go into the deeper study modes.

Ok I have to get back to work now.. ta!