Simple Truths

So anxiety, nausea, headaches and that dreaded "end of the world" feeling came over me today at lunch. I know this is mostly due to that wonderful hormonal time of the month when all womankind go a little (or alot) stir crazy and nothing makes sense. However, this was a little different in that I havent ever gotten this bad. I felt so completley gone. My body was jittery and twitching, but my mind was gone. Just no real emotion other than sadness and despair, I felt, well, like crap to put it midly. And for no good reason.

So I went to the Pita Pit and got my pita and then went and sat down in the secluded little park area of the US Bank building grounds. I sat and ate my pita wanting to cry the entire time. After my pita was gone, I had a half hour to kill. So I got out a piece of paper from my purse and started writing down everything I was feeling at that moment, trying to sort out what I was feeling and perhaps why. Anxiety. Nausea. Fear of losing everything, Extreme Fatigue...the list went on. And as I got to the end of the paper, It was like someone slapped me upside the head, I heard very clearly that still small voice saying Stop That! and turn the paper over.

Well, ok so I did. Then I heard Joy! Happiness! Love! So I wrote those down. Then I heard Have You Cried Yet? Huh?? Well, no I havent. Since my layoff I've had to be the strong one so I didnt even get to cry over that, and then with the school deal and moving and so on and whatnot, I told myself I didnt have time to cry. And it suprised me a bit, that when I heard the still small voice ask me that question, and I answered out loud a small "no." , the water works just started flowing.

And it felt good. Really good. Its amazing that Jesus knows what you need when you need it and apparantly I have been so locked up in being stressed and overwhelmed, that the second I got vulnerable and had a spare minute to relax, He finally got to hit me with that proverbial ton of bricks. And while I was crying and then a little after I felt His presence so strongly, like I was being wrapped up in a big blanket of love.

I feel bad that I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the material world of stress and despair, not to mention the hormones being a wonderful amplifyer of that crap, that I wasnt able to allow my Saviour in and I couldnt hear the voice of the Holy Ghost. But He came just when I needed Him.

It was a great lesson to me that I need to remember that I am a daughter of God and He is there for me, no matter how stressed I am. He never gives you task that you cannot do, albeit some may be a challenge. Thank you Lord!!