I cant get ahead of myself. My house. My chores. My thoughts. Ive got things to do, choices to make and for some reason or another they all pile up on me at once when I have absolutley no time to sort through them. Today I go sign my hiring papers, Zac got paid, and now I have to decide whether to pay the truck today and get enough food to get by for the week, or pay the truck a day late next week and buy decent food for the week. I also have a kitchen to clean up, a mysterious blue envelope to find (i hope its in the closet!), quickbooks to settle out, call the tax guy to see if we have to file in Idaho or Washington, and many many growing piles that I havent had the time to put away or go through. My bathroom needs a deep clean and the bedroom is growing clothes. Not to mention I have to fit in my workout, and be ready for hubs when he comes home in a bad mood so I can cheer him up and be the rock of the household as per usual. Oh, and I have to take the movies back, fill out an exit application for Zacs student loans and somehow find money for a brake job before my wheels fall off.
All this on top of being pregnantly fatigued which is driving me mad. The temple is closed until the 24th for maintenance, I havent really had time to do devotions, not like I've really felt very pious enough to do them. I cant fast because Im pregnant, I totally spaced family home evening which is supposed to take place on Monday, but I forgot and have been forgetting every single day since. So I am calling quits on that until next monday. Then there is always the very real fear of Zac getting laid off, every Friday it seems that some rumor goes around his work that they will be laying off 20 people this week, etc. Which most of the time doesnt happen, but that company is very good at layoffs if they dont like you or if they see you arent working hard. Which is a little bit of a catch-22 there because they are very slow right now so everyone is scrambling for even the most menial something to look busy. Which in turn brings my hubby home in not so great moods and there seems I can do nothing really to help him other that remain cheerful and happy and steadfast all the while I just want to cry and be down myself because I havent accomplished what I wanted to that day and Im tired and and I dont have anyone to tell me that its going to be ok or to get me a cup of tea.
And I know I cant stress out because that would stress out the baby and thats not good apparently. in a sense, I guess its a good thing that I am having to be cheerful all the time, it does tend to keep me out of bad moods, but still. And I dont know how I am going to wing getting anything done when I start working. Hubs said he'd help me out, I appreciate that! I will get off at 4pm, so that adds an hour to my after work schedule. Sorry for the venting but I needed it.
1 comment:
Take a deep breath. Relax. Write up some goals for each day and stick to them. Don't focus on what isn't done, just focus and work on the goals of the day. Set some time aside for relaxing after your goals are done.
You file in Idaho as you lived there for all of 2008, didn't you? Pay your truck first! Don't be late w/your financial obligations.
It's not YOUR job to make Zac happy - he is responsible for his own mood.
Hang in there!
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