Tomorrow, tomorrow....

One day I hope to have a job where I dont feel like a complete failure. I am almost 30 and yet I still feel like the naive 19 year old who just got her first job. I feel like everyone else has so much more experience than i do and that im just that kid who works here. when in reality I think I do more than anyone here. And i dont mean like my boss who works 28 hours a day... i mean i can do a lot of things. I dont know. Some day s i feel as though i just am not competent. Like my mind is slipping and im not that smart anymore. I want people to come to me for help or advice. I hate constantly being the one who needs answers. I may be 28 in body but i feel like everyone else perceives me as the wet behind the ears just gradutaed high school kid. I wonder if other people feel that way.

I am hoping I get a new desk soon. It will be nice to have a better organizational system. And it will be nice to sleep through the night. I think that is a little of my problems. Plus the holidays didnt help. So much going on. And then my boss wants to hire employees and make me one - which is fine - however its been over a year since I have done any HR... trying to get my head back around what I used to do. Not to mention he gave us 2 weeks to get any of this done. Which ive got the legal stuff done, I just now have to remmeber how on earth to do payroll correctly and which taxes I do. It is slowly coming back to me. Some days I really wish that I drank and that I really actually liked wine.

I am excited for this year tho! I am going to get organized and back in shape! To the gym every lunch break and Ive got a system that is starting to work out in my benefit for staying organized at my desk. And I have discovered that a red bull in the morning means that I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more productive. Unlike today. I was productive for a streak of about 3 hours. And now look where I'm at.

I cant wait to get home and just sit. I'd like to cry a little, but I wont. I dont have time lol. It doesnt help I didnt write down a to do list today either, so I was being very sporadic today. Ugh....I would like a margarita.

Here's to tomorrow and red bull - I will get shit done!

A note on productivity

When was the last time i blogged?Oh well. Im not going to pretend that i will keep this up... so far this is just the fastest outlet i have. I think i am going to start a hand written journal anyways...

I need to be productive today. And technically I have all the ingredients for a productive day.... I got 8 hours of sleep, ate breakfast, had 2 cups of caffeine...and yet i could have slept another 8 hours and just want to slug out on the couch watching Rick Steves all day long.

I have so much to do at work. I have been terribly lazy though. I have only been doing the bare minimum when in actuality I have enough to keep be busy for the solid 8 hours I am here. I do blame lack of sleep definetly. And that my back is out which is hurting like crazy so that makes me cranky and tired.

But I do remember that after I blogged every morning in previous work places I always was more productive because I got my thoughts out on "paper".

I wish i had as much motivation at work as I do at home. Ive already made a plan for Saturday to clean and finish some projects that are needing it. Cant wait!!

Zac got a job offer.. its not one that he has to make up his mind on by some deadline... Personally I dont care if he takes it or not... totally up to him. I just keep thinking that if he took it then  I would be home... how weird that would be!! In our marriage I have not worked for a total of 2 months not counting maternity leave. I remember when we were first married, I had gotten laid off and zac was working his lawn care business... I took a wednesday and pretended I was a stay at home wife and how good that felt. lol!! I think I was all of 19 then... and then the next weeek I had a job.

Ive always been fortunate that way, there have always been job oppportunities for me. I am thankful for the one I have although I wish that I would get a raise soon... I suppose that means I need to get my butt in gear and start being productive :)

I wish caffeine was not only a wake up tool, but a motivational tool as well. I got a free ebook sent to me from Tony Robbins... wonder if that would have any motivational crap. I would hope so since that is his job.

I thought about starting up a n

Ok well that is all i have for right now. Going to go be productive today!! Ya!