I hate Idaho. Please shoot me if we ever have to move back to this God forsaken place. I hate Idaho and all of the stress it brings and all it reminds me of. I love seeing my parents and inlaws...but thats it. It makes me cynical, sarcastic and overall bitchy. I feel like binge drinking or smoking something to just remove myself from these feelings. Praise God we moved...  I hate Idaho.

Time Flies

My how time flies!! My last post was in Sept... it is now beginning of November... quite a bit has happened. I finally got my issue resolved - I got a new job!! And I LOVE it! It is such a better atmosphere than my last place - not to mention I get paid more (and on time I might add). And unfortunatly, my last boss sure didnt make it real hard for me to make my decision to leave. But that is a different story for another time.

I wonder if Blogger is ever going to give me the option to print every post I write at one time. This is going to suck if I have to go to each and every post.

I will write more later - I am actually in the middle of something... back later.

Lord, help me through this day.

It is definitely not a bad day... i just still feel defeated. And I am unsure how to stop feeling it. Its like once I feel this way then my motivation goes kaput. I keep getting told that one of my strengths is resiliency. Does it count if you are faking it? I have learned over the years that in the workplace one must smile and nod to keep their job... and now what used to be called acting is now called being "resilient". I think it needs to start raining. My disposition always improves when the weather turns.

I dont have a title for this one...

I have found the best radio station ever - Country Hymns!! Its a lovely station of classic hymns sung by country singers in a down-south way... I love it.

It is helping me get through the day anyways...I am still quite frustrated with my situation, now for more than one reason...but I know that God has something in the works and I just have to be patient.

I know I shouldnt be complaining, but I am human after all and I just cant stuff my emotions away. I know God is with me and working away... but I cant help but feel disgruntled at the same time.

Zac is out of town this week...we had a family friend pass away last week, so he went down to the funeral. . So this week it is me, Peepers and my sister who is babysitting while Im being frustrated at work. I miss my husband. I need a hug! Plus the house is just too quiet without him. AND he gets to play with about 14 baby kitties!! SO NOT FAIR :)

I want a kitten so bad... I wish he could mail two of them up here lol. Plus they are great company. I really miss Stinky.. but I know he is much happier on the ranch. I just feel discouraged, disgruntled, frustrated and I just want my husband to hold me. >P

On a good note, however, and I cant say too much right now...but an opportunity has made itself known today and I am going to pounce on it and see where it gets me. Hopefully it will get me out of these current feelings.

How many times can I say "frustrated" in one post...

Im frustrated. Very frustrated. A situation has arisen that I want to take advantage of but there is a large chunk of my day standing in my way. which means I will have to forfiet teaching on of MY ballet classes to a teacher that is a great performer... but hardly a teacher. im so dam frustrated. I am trying to get the scheduler to try to work in somehting... but im also in school and have a family so i had to cut my hours way back from the theater and so now im limited on what i can teach. how freakin frusterating.

i know that htere are some changes in the air...and i know that i need to be patient and trust the Lord. I do wholeheartedly, but I just get so frustrated sometimes because I keep thinking I know what but I know that the Lord knows even better.

I am currently working on being content and trying not to be jealous and trying just in general not to stuff so much away that I explode. And to have enough grace to smile and nod and get through it. God help me.

random again

In recent news - I just passed my 1st accounting exam with 100%!!! Ive got many more to go before the final certification and the national test...but im taking my victories where I can :)

My inlaws are here - good to see them - we have a full house... but thankfully our EBT kicked in the day they got here - so I am praising the Lord and my guides and the universe and stuff for the monetary help :)

I am really really praying hard for a new opportunity to arise... I know it will show up at the right time...but I hate playing the waiting game. But I know that with faith that we will be fine.

This day is flying. I cant believe it is almost lunch time. I got our finances finally in QB and thankfully it looks like we've been better at not spending money since july..wish i could have said the same for the rest of the year... but oh well.. live and learn and move forward.

had the best dream of living in paris... i miss france so much. i wish it werent so far away. i was alwyas jealous of all my friends there that the rest of europe was so close and so cheap to travel to. i wsh zac would agree to trying to move there.. but he wont. he is hell bent on alaska..and im ok with that too...although im pretty sure you cant get crepes and gateaux in petersburg...plus france is so far awya from family.

Im tired. i thoguht i slept well.. apparently not.

i could have stayed in bed all day and savored my dream... instead i got up a little later than i intended and had to wolf down my breakfast in 2 minutes and go to work.

ok - thats all the randomness for now - and yes... i know my spelling is sloppy..

Let go and Let God

Days like today make me wonder if I am going crazy. As of late there have been many prayers and as of yesterday I finally came to a decision on an issue that Ive been pondering for a couple months. My husband was so wonderful and listened and heard me out on everything and was there to help comfort me and talk me through my issue - i love him so much!!...but my stress bled over into my dreams, which made me slightly stressed upon awakening. And I suppose it doesnt help that this week at work, well, since friday, has been hellishly busy AND my I havent been getting the help or the work ethic out of a certain person that I sorely need this week. I guess I just am feeling slightly overwhelmed. Well, maybe a little more than slightly. I just really need a hug.

I know it will help when i eat something for lunch.it always does. I know too that i need to just give it to God and let Him and the universe do their magic. Although I will say that albeit the small amount of stress, it is nice to have my mind made up.

Man I am horrible at keeping a journal apparently! LOL .... I skipped a whole month.

Anywho...I suppose I am mainly using it as a place to vent when necessary...Im tired today... which is different than most days. Mr. Peepers has been getting me up at 5:45am for the past 2 weeks bright eyed and bushy tailed. And Zac and I have had some awesome discussions lately that has taken us past 11pm (but I love it!) so part of this is my fault for not going to bed on time...(which is usually in bed by 9:30...theoretically asleep by 10). The other reason for my tiredness today is that my office is finishing up construciton...we did some build outs...and so to finish they are painting the entire office. And there are no windows that open. Just a recycled air system... So I am sinusy and I lost my voice from the fumes...which I think on top of not getting enough sleep has made me feel like crapola. ANNNNND....here's the kicker... 2 wednesdays ago, I went on a week long sugar and caffeine fast. And it stuck. It was only meant to be a week...but now I really can only stomach small amounts of sugary stuff and I have really no desire for caffeine. Pop just tastes weird now...wayyyy to sweet...plus being off the caffeine I noticed a HUGE difference in the texture and coloring of my skin. I finally have the porcelain look again..and NO REDNESS or blotchy ness - I havent had that since High School. Im very very happy about that :)

I think what I am the most happy about though is that I was able to stick it out for a week and it unintentionally took. I feel better... Overall I have more energy...even in my tired slumps I am finding that I am less tired without caffeine than with. Plus my kidneys are feeling better... I havent had any achiness ...

This Saturday starts my summer break from teaching... I will miss it because I love teaching...but I am happy for the break. I will have a couple private studies to keep my in shape but I am really looking forward to being able to either sleep in on Saturdays or just take off and go somewhere. I will be back teaching in the fall so I plan to take full advantage of it! Plus it will give me time to start up my business and get my first certification exam out of the way.

Ok I have to go actually work now...

Another one of THOSE days

Some days I wonder how I am able to do it all. I am a wife, a mom, a choreographer, a dance teacher, a mentor, a bookkeeper, and office mother, the office manager, the in-house nurse, and the list goes on. When things run smoothly, I love it. When some tiny thing tweaks my lifestyle, I dont like parts of it so much.

Today I was doing fine until being patronized like I was 5 years old. It, I am sorry to say, has thrown my attitude in the pits and now I am stewing. And it is really difficult for me to stop stewing because of my growing irritation. It certainly does not help that I am hungry..

I hate it wehn people make me feel stupid. Then I REALLY dont want to do anything for them. Its like, I do sooo freakin much for you and you treat me this way? I may as well dye my hair blonde and get implants and just sit and look pretty all day for how much you just made me feel worth. I know there are scriptural verses that will contradict my feelings, but I also know that God made us to have feelings and I dont think that it is abnormal to stew. So I am going to sit and stew over a cup of tea and wait for it to fizzle out. It always does...and I've found that it is healthier for me to sit and actually feel than to do what comes naturally which is to bottle it up.

I got a card that has a plan to read the Book of Mormon in 6 months. I want to for the sake of doing it. Plus I've never actually gotten through the entire thing. There is some part of me that wants to. But then the other half does not want to for a few reasons that I will not go into on this blog.

So I went to lunch just now...I feel slightly better aside from the fact that i am still hungry. I am trying to lose 10 pounds and I really just want a guacamole bacon burger from Red Robin...but instead I had pepperoni, cheese 3 stalks of peanut butter and celery and some tea. Dinner better be awesome. Which I know it will be...Z always makes amazing food. I wonder if we have the stuff for Pad Thai...

Ok I am done venting.

Busy Busy Busy. March was defenetly the month of overload. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown all of march. I had to physically sit down and write out everyhting I am responsible for in my life and wheedle it down to the necessities because my life has just been getting to be too much like SuperWoman's. I am not SuperWoman by the way...just in case you were wondering. I gave it a shot...and all it got me was stressed out and having my boss ask if I needed to cut back my hours...(which yes..I would love to...but I'd need to get paid more to compensate for it)

And then I re-discovered a lovely blog by Glynnis Whitwer... and she had this great series of posts on clutter. I have been plagued by house clutter for awhile now and it really started bothering me lately. So thanks to her, I started getting my house in order. I started a cleaning schedule - which I've stuck to- and it feels sooooo much better. But the even better part of it was that in that series was also posts on how to de-clutter your mind and stuff. Which I needed. I am so overloaded with information and things to do that it broke me down to the point of forgetting some really important things and becoming disgruntled, complacent and lazy.

But now thanks to Glynnis - and yes I am giving her full credit for this - I have 3 organized closets, a cleaning schedule that is being used (my kitchen has stayed clean for 3 days in a row!!), my son has a clean room, I have 2 spotless and mopped bathrooms and I am able to sit on my couch and relax at night before bed in a clean living room and just veg in bliss. I am still organizing and stuff, but already in 3 days it has been miraculous.

So now that my home life and therefore my brain is being restored from the crazyness...now I am focusing on work. I bought a planner/todo notebook..it has been really helping me. Aside from the fact that now I see how busy I actually am.

And on that note I really need to get back to work. Hope yours is good!

This spoke to me today...

There once was a city divided in two by a big wall. People on both sides hated those who lived on the opposite side. One night they decided to gather all the trash they could find on their side and threw it over the wall - leaving a mound of garbage for their neighbors to wake up to.

The next morning the recipients of the garbage held a meeting and devised a plan. That night they gathered beautiful things and threw them over the wall. Flowers and anything beautiful they could find were piled in a heap on the other side. And above the mound of beautiful things they hung a note that said: "Each man gives what he has.”

Warning: Free Range Zombies

I am a zombie today. I have accomplished nothing aside from some form of zombie-ish hospitality welcoming trainee's into the Supervisor Boot Camp and taking testers back to the testing room while giving them a haphazard shpiel on how to take the stupid thing. Today I started dotting my "O's" instead of my "I's". (True story. I cant write today either.)

Here's how today is going down....

• Random anxiety attack at 4am woke me up...tried to drift back to sleep
• 5:15 am....woke up to a teeny eyes and teeny nose staring at me point blank whispering "mom-mom...drink pease...mom-mom...meeeeeuuuulllk..."
• 5:15am-6:30am...laid down on Peepers bed for awhile then got dressed and ate breakfast
• 6:30am-7:15am...quick trip to WalMart and Winco for food for the training 
• 7:15am-5:00pm...work...minus the work...on training days I turn into slave/waitress/indentured servant and therefore get nothing done aside from re-filling coffee.

I do get an hour and a half break for dinner tonight before rehearsal...I have to be at rehearsal tonight, it is a big one since our show is coming up in a week or so.

I havent eaten very well and I was forced to drink a Red Bull. I know I have some form of adrenal fatigue and I am REALLY feeling the affects of it lately...and I know caffeine is not what I need right now...but there is nothing worse than falling over during a 16 hour day.

On a sort of random note... I do like how quickly I get reimbursed for my work purchases...I ususally get reimbursed the same day. I dont particularly enjoy having to be reimbursed...I would prefer to just have a company card or even just cash a check. It is irritating having to mix money like that. But as long as I keep an eye on it...

I am playing with an idea about opening up a jewelry/handbag/accessory store with my sister...she doesnt know it yet...well...I messaged her so she will find out soon I guess... I think it would be fun. 

Alright, I am headed off...only 1.5 hours left until I can go home and smoosh my wee one and my hubby.

Hmph.

I feel worthless today. I am in a bad mood...disgruntled and moopy...could cry at any second..(could nap at any second as well)...I cannot focus and I just want to give up.

Some days I wonder what it would be like if I could be a stay at home mom and my husband worked. But then I remember that our marriage is a much more happy place when I am the working spouse and he is teh  stay at home parent. Besides, I couldnt take away the fun he has staying with Peepers. The situation really is perfect...

I think I am just tired. Make that slightly exhausted. I feel like I am running on fumes all the time. From the moment I wake up until the time I go to bed, aside from making myself lunch...I am at the service of everyone else. I spend 8 hours a day trying to make the people at my work happy, then I come hope and entertain my son and husband and then after Peepers goes to bed I hang out with my husband, which usually involves me cleaning something,  and then I go to bed and do it all over again the next day, plus the 3 hours I take on Saturdays to go teach and then if we go to church on Sunday then I have to get dressed all over again. Dont get me wrong, I love my life. (aside from having to work, but I haven't met too many people that can get by without having to work) I think I just need to sit and have some me time. And I need to sleep more. And I probably should lay off the caffeine.

Some days I get a little jealous of some friends who are homemakers who wake up with their kids..send whoever off to school, have their coffee or tea or whatever and eat breakfast while watching cartoons...then cleaning teh house, running errands and baking or doing crafty things...while I am at the mercy of someone elses schedule and having to keep appointments and revenue and bills and things in my head at all times as a walking encyclopedia so whenever someone asks me something I can just rattle out the answer they want...it is kindof taxing filling your brain with so much stuff...I know that I should not envy the lives of others because they all come with their own baggage..but some days I cant help myself. Maybe I just need a vacation. Actually a million bucks may do the trick :)

Well, I will be starting up classes for my LCPB soon and when I get that over and done with then I can be my own boss. The problem is right now I jsut want to sit on my butt and not do anything. At all. For a long time. I think I will start planning a vacation. Apparently I need a getaway.

Ok well I feel a bit better from typing out my thoughts, as per usual...but unfortunatley it is no cure-all...for my mood nor my paperwork.

March in PNW

It is soo freezing cold here! It wouldn't be so bad it the dang wind decided to stop blowing. This morning I walked to work in pouring rain mixed with snow that was blowing 2 directions at once with a driving cold wind.  And by lunch time it was sunny. I have decided to stop trying to figure out the weather here. It is what it is and whenever I think I have mastered it, it changes.

Today  began as day 2 of no motivation. I need to start going to sleep earlier..I think last night I went to bed at about 11 but slept so deep that waking up was like waking the dead. I was a zombie again this morning and didnt get anything done. But I just dont feel like doing anything. Dont get me wrong, I am getting things accomplished, just not as quickly as I had hoped.

Some days I wish I had an office where I could shut my door and work on things. I have larger projects that I work on, but I have a billion other responsibilities as well which always interfere with what I am working on. One day when the company gets more revenue coming in they will hire a receptionist/front desk person and I will get an office and be able to focus on the books.

We got our tax return back...I am so proud of myself..2nd year in a row that I have gotten our taxes filed well before March is over. I love having the money back because we now have the start of a savings account, although it is a little tough to not pull out $100 to go spend on 3 pairs of shoes...Target actually has a pair of shoes that I love and I want one in every color. But....I have a feeling that wont be happening. I like having the money in savings.

I am tired. Only 2 more hours to go...I feel very unproductive today. And its horrible...having my heater on makes it too hot and turning it off makes me too cold.

I have the night off tonight...the venue where we rehearse normally is being taken up by some other function so we had to move venues and the company decided to switch what we were rehearsing. I foresee a Mama-Date tonight.. Peepers and I have Mama-Dates so we can get some one on one time. Usually in ends up being a trip to McDonalds for "fry-fry's, chickees and chockit meeeyouk". (translation: french fries, chicken nuggets and chocolate milk) or going to Target and getting "foo-naks" (fruit snacks) and mom doing some shopping. Or we just go to Winco and go grocery shopping. As long as we are spending time together. I love those dates. Tonight I do need to go to Target for some things and Peepers needs a haircut.

I want to move to Europe. The longing has been nagging me again. My travel bug is back again and it kills me that we cant just up and go. I miss being able to just sit at a cafe all day long and not do anything..I miss really good food...street performers...80 degree Mediterranean sea...public transportation that actually works...did i mention the food? Also I would like to be able to speak French full time again. I still keep in touch with my friends over there, but it is different typing a facebook message to them in French than actually being there. I miss Paris immensely.

Ok well here is to hoping that the next hour and a half goes by quickly!

Thursday?

I had to delete the last post. I got the situation figured out with that person and I dont need the negative vibes of hate mail to myself on my blog. It was more me venting.

I have anxiety again. It started last night...don't know why...probably that time of the month...but you never know...

Z and I had our first actual date last night in 2-ish years that didnt involve Wal Mart or Home Depot. IT WAS AWESOME! We went out to our favorite sushi place, and we took our DEAR SWEET TIME. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind taking Peepers out to eat, he's usually pretty good...but when he is done, that means we're done too... so we spent as long as our stomachs would let us stay. It had been awhile since we had good sushi.

Then we went over to Big Al's for bowling and arcade..but we were  so stuffed that we decided to start with the arcade so we could digest enough to be able to bowl a decent game..that was the first time I've ever played anything but air hockey and enjoyed it. I used to be so good at air hockey...I lost all four games last night :( On a high note though, I did better than Z at the Big Game Hunts...(hint: you dont have to pull the thingy back to reload so you basically get to go hunting with an automatic machine gun)

By the time we were done with the arcade all the bowling lanes were taken and we figured we'd better get back to the house anyways since our babysitter wasnt getting any cheaper! It was a nice 3 hours out of the house with just us.

My initial plan was to go to sushi and then go to this place in P-town where you can rent your own private terrace hot tub and go tubbing (among other things you may do on a romantic evening in  a hot tub) under the stars, or the rain...which is more likely in P-town. But we decided to keep it local..besides, we were so full after sushi that there was no way we wanted to drive over there.

I really want to go camping. It is such gorgeous weather out again...I walked to work again and it felt like one of those crisp early mornings when you are out camping and just wake up to breakfast being made...I need a vacation. Camping sounds just fine. I had also contemplated the beach...my parents stayed in a cute little cottage-y hotel over the summer...right on the beach...fireplace included...that is the way to do the beach in the winter. Even in the summer...we seldom have hot enough days to warrant me going in the water. I got spoiled in the Mediterranean where its normally 80 degree water and the warm currents that pass by are 100 degrees..it was HEAVEN. I would live at the beach if the Oregon coast was that warm. But alas....I am a weenie.

I keep wondering about ways to become a millionaire. Nothing is coming to me. Perhaps one day I'll get an idea.

I am so thankful for teh receptionist that I work with...She brings such a light and good spirit to the office that she has made me feel better just by talking about random things. So thankful for someone like that!!

I start my bible study tonight... wish me luck. Im starting with a 60 day over view read...mainly because I have only heard some of the more popular stories and Ive only actually read Luke, James, Revelations and Acts I & II. Oh and Job.  But I know the bible doesnt necessarily go in order, so I am going to do the overview study just to get my feet wet and then when I get familiarized with things then I will go into the deeper study modes.

Ok I have to get back to work now.. ta!

So what have I been doing for 2 weeks??

I have been dying a thousand miserable deaths...that's what. Ok fine, it hasnt been that bad. Two days after I shipped the boys off I got the worst cold EVER! I stayed in bed for most of that Saturday, ALL of Sunday and thankfully Monday was Presidents day so I got to spend that day in bed too. I suppose it was a slight blessing being alone for this illness...normally when I get sick, so do the boys...and that means I dont get time to be sick because I am administering to them. The sucky part was having to make my own soup...my own taco bell runs...no one to talk to...no hugs... :( I am feeling much better, I still have a slight sinus infection and a cough, but I will gladly take that over what it had started out as.

I am so lonely. I cant wait for Wednesday night to hurry up. I have done pretty darn well alone for 2 weeks - but I am attributing my success to the fact that I was in a coma for the better part of it. I also singlehandedly trashed my house. Mostly because when I was at the peak of my comatose state I just threw things and they landed and there they stayed. I started cleaning yesterday...almost done.

My sister's boyfriend's dad and step-mom live 20 minutes away from me so her and her man came up this weekend to visit them, and her being awesome, decided we needed to go out to breakfast. I had so much fun. She is contemplating moving up here some time next year...I would love it if she could. Not only would I be able to see her more often but we would have a built in babysitter! I wonder how she would do with the rain tho...we're kind of a specific kind of people up here....

I am so happy too - I will get paid this pay period! I was a little worried...cash flow at work sometimes takes its dear sweet time since we are a service-based business...Just got word that one of our big vendors approved the upfront payment and I will be able to pay my rent on time! So happy. :) This is the first time in our married lives that we have been able to put money into savings and actually keep it there...after this pay period we will have $1000 to our name that thankfully doesnt need to be used! I love financial stability. I just wish I made a little more. I know I will once my schooling for my Licensed Certified Public Bookkeeper is over...but that wont be until sometime next year.

Some days I wonder what it would be like if we were a different religion. I dont plan on changing my current on, but its always been a pondering of mine. Religion is such an interesting topic to me, I still would like a PhD in Theology...I love seeing the way people do things...I had thought to visit some different services the past couple Sundays...but seeing that I was the walking plague....I didnt want to invite an exorcism.

I have a lot to do today at work and my motivation is slowly ticking away...it is especially hard because today is the sunniest its been in a LONG time. I woke up 40 minutes before my alarm because my room was bathed in sunlight! I got excited and then got outside and had to chip the ice off my car. Seems more like Thanksgiving weather than almost March weather...I would have loved to have teh day off. Hiking, running errands, cleaning...whatever...its so gorgeous out. Unfortunatley we dont have another Monday holiday until Memorial Day I think.

So I've decided to start a bible study. I read the book of Acts once...very enlightening. And not so much in a spiritual sense, but as in the history!! You always revert back to the historical timeline you learned in school and dont ever realize that when Rome was at its peak that the rest of the world was living life as well. Or historical characters you hear the name of but never put together as being alive at the same time. Fascinating. It really makes history come alive when you can piece the world together like a jigsaw puzzle. At this point I am more interested in studying the Bible for its historical value than anything else..but I think that understanding the history of the timeframe that all this stuff took place, New Testament particulary, it really makes the story of Jesus and the Apostles and all that come alive a little more and puts a more solid foundation behind all the church-y stories you grow up with. So....why not.

I also tried and failed at celebrating Lent. Apparently I dont have the wearwithall for it. (yes i am sure that is spelled wrong) Ive never celebrated Lent, I only just understood it as of 3 days ago listening to a sermon at a Catholic Mass on Catholic Radio...it is amazing how when you stop to learn about other peoples traditions and they reasons behind why they do things that the world starts making a little bit more sense. Lent is a great tradition, I really like the idea behind it..however I dont think I am ready to celebrate it yet. It is more than just seeing if you can live with out chocolate or fast food for 40 days...it is a commitment to a change that shouldnt be taken lightly...and Im not ready for that yet. Good thing its not really practiced in my church.  In fact I am not sure anyone in my church really even knows what Lent is...it seems the majority of people only know what they were taught in Primary and then only what the church teaches. No one cares to find out about any of the others. And Im not saying to search for another church, but to know what is out there, it really does make the world seem a little less crazy.

I reallllly overdid it yesterday on my carb intake...I have been doing so well and feeling so good...but I was cleaning all day yesterday and the only thing that sounded good was something with a lot of cheese. And what goes best with a lot of cheese???? PASTA!! So I went and done it. I ate pasta. And I enjoyed every bite. That is, until about 10 minutes after I was done. I dont tolerate wheat very well....I spent the rest of the evening in a Purgatory of extreme bloatedness, swollen fingers and toes and a very upset stomach. Was it worth it??? Heck yes. But it will be a long time before I submit myself to the call of pasta.

I had so many good ideas and plans for the two weeks I had alone...stupid cold. I also have been having anxiety dreams about moving back to Idaho. I have this subconcious fear that since all our family is there and all of Zac's good friends are there that he will go for a trip and decide he wants to move back. These stupid dreams have been after me since he left. The only reason I can see us ever moving back there is if my parents were ever ill or dying or something. But that's it. Idaho is nice to visit...but that's all.

I need a beach trip. With a hotel or beach house included. I would like a vacation. But I dont think I get vacation time for a long time. Poo. Oh well...good thing the beach is only 2 hours away.

I get to do taxes tonight. I sure hope we get a refund...we have never not...I guess we'll see :)

Ok, well I think Ive written enough...ta ta for now!

They leave tomorrow :(

My boys leave tomorrow. Poo. I hate it when they leave - not that they do very often, I just hate coming home to nobody. Oh well, they will have fun, I hope.

I have rehearsal tonight, should be fun as usual. I will be missing quite a few people tonight, so I wont be able to move on in the choreography, but that is kind of a blessing....Ive been pretty busy the past week and havent really had time to dig into new choreo. And we need to polish up what we've done so far, I am not sure anyone is going to remember what we did 2 saturdays ago.

Recent events have made me so so so thankful for the church I am in and for my husband and for the marriage we have. I am so happy that I can trust my husband to be loyal and faithful. It makes life really good.

Ok - theres my random thoughts for today. I really have nothing else.

I have no title for this one..

No matter how hard I try to think about it....I never seem to be able to come up with anything clever for my blog. All my crap is just so random - like a diary entry..not that it is bad...but whatever. Ive been forced to be so left-brained and logical for so long now I think I forgot how to be creative. I also have been putting everything else first and leaving myself last that I am scared that if I try to go back to my normal right-brained self that I wont find me anymore...I will test this theory in the 2 weeks the boys are gone.

I wish I could do something clever like The Pioneer Woman - aside from dancing she has my dream job. I also am a little scared about one of my jobs. We are growing and we are going to be having some really good guest teachers come teach and do sessions...Im scared that my students are going to like them better and I will lose respect in the classroom..or hear "thats not the way so-and-so does it"... I know I probably shouldnt be worried, but I am. I love this job and I love my students...I guess I just feel like I might be mentally replaced in their heads. We'll see what happens. I know it is a great thing for the kids to be able to experience different peoples teaching styles - that is how you grow to be the best at what you do - but at the same time I still fee like a foster mom to most of these kids..

I came home yesterday to a large hand drawn card, a box of ghiradelli chocolates and 7 jane austen novels from Z. I have such a great husband! We dont celebrate Valentines Day, and our anniversary is on the 21st, but he is leaving to Idaho on the 15th, so he got me an anniversary gift. Which is weird because we dont give eachother gifts. And he says he is not done...but wont tell me what the next thing is or when I will get it. All he will tell me is that it is something I already have and I am naked without. Great hints honey....

I cant beleive today is Thursday already! This week has flown by. I've felt marginally miserable all week, getting better as the week comes to a close. It has been a productive week - we had a great rehearsal on Tuesday and I've gotten a lot done at work.

I just looked at the time and I have to go to lunch now... see ya!

Been singing "Hallelujah" for 3 days straight. Stupid song...

Feeling better today, never did get fully "sick"...this weekend was absolutly gorgeous!!! Plus, I only had to work for 1hour on Saturday :)

Z went snowmobiling with some friends on Sat. so Peepers and I took off shopping on a "Mama Date". Was so nice to have some May-ish weather. Z tore his face up snowmobiling - shattered the windshield and his visor came up...he was sooooo lucky he didnt die - according to him it could have been alot worse. He looked like Charles Manson when he came home.

Sunday we cleaned and vegged. Didnt go to church - Z's face was swollen up somethin awful and he hurt...so we enjoyed a clean house, good food and then the missionaries came over.

I wasnt ready for the weekend to end - never am. I am still a little run down, but doing better. Somehow I didnt look at the clock all afternoon and now it is 4pm!! YAY! Dont get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but no matter how much I like any job, going home is the BEST!

Otherwise nothing important happened...Z and Peepers are going to Idaho for 2 weeks :(  I dont know why I said that 2 weeks was ok. I am fairly positive I am going to die and he will forget me. (kidding :)  I hate being alone. The house gets so quiet and I miss Peepers alot and I miss Z alot. I usually end up losing a decent amount of weight when theyre gone too..for some reason I just dont see the need to cook decent meals when it is just me. Plus I will be at the gym and rehearsal. I try to stay out of the house as much as I can when theyre gone - keeps my mind off of things. I know he will have a great time and Peepers will have a blast with the grandparents. Plus 2 weeks I think will  be plenty for both of them - the last time we went for 2 weeks with all of us, by the 1.5 week mark we were sooooooooooo ready to get out of Idaho. I'll be fine. Im just a baby :)

Oh YUM! My co-worker just handed me a huge snickerdoodle cookie with creamcheese frosting. Ive eaten like crap today. I tried to have a chicken snack wrap from McD's this afternoon...first bite was a big ball of chicken fat. So I traded it in for a cheesestick and a handful of mini 3 musketeers. Breakfast wasnt much better. Im too tired to care today tho...maybe Z will have dinner ideas...

Okie - gotta wrap up work - see ya

sick...kind of...

I was soooo tired yesterday....but I thought maybe I didnt sleep well enough the night before...Today I woke up with my throat swollen together...I can swallow now, but I still dont sound much like a girl. I want to go soak in the tub.,

Although on a weird note - it has been a very very productive day - moreso than when I have felt normal..I dont get it. Right now, I am waiting for my boss to get out of Quickbooks so I can finish what I was doing. 90% of my job involves Quickbooks and only one person can be in it at a time. So frustrating. I could go organize something but I really dont feel like moving.

Z and Peepers are going to Idaho for 2 weeks this month. Boo. :(  I wanna go. It isnt as hard when I am the one leaving, but when they leave me it sucks. I dont like being with out them for more than a few hours. Its too quiet at home, too clean...I hardly eat because there is no one to cook for...I wish I could go. I have fun visiting. But Im glad they can go and have fun - it will be good for Peepers to spend some time with the grandparents and for Z to spend some time with his friends. I plan on working, going to the gym, going to rehearsal and sleeping. And I think there is a girls night scheduled with my bestie - which usually involves a movie we put on in the background and crocheting or some craft - because in reality we are really 70 year old ladies disguised as 26 and 29 year olds. :)

I havent seen her in what seems like forever. We both have been so busy lately the only way we've talked in 3 months has been facebook! Im not completely thrilled with having to be on teh FB time line, but whatev. Nothing I can do about it.

My bed sounds great right now. It sucks, my body feels like I could run a marathon, but from my shoulders up it feels like a small form of death.

A book and a bath are in order tonight.

Back to the grind

Working out went well last week. I have decided to give myself weekends off (mainly since Saturdays I am teaching and dancing all day) and one day a week off as long as on that weekday I do abs at home. Worked pretty well last week. Today is my abs day though...i stayed up way too late last night so i didnt sleep well and you know how it is trying to workout when you are already exhausted...

I had a good weekend tho! Saturdays rehearsals went very well - even got the steps posted! I love those kids - they work so hard for me. Sunday was an amazingly cozy day.. I look forward to those kinds of days. The ones where you wake up cozy and snuggled up in bed and then even after you get out of bed you still have that cozy feeling...doesnt happen very often. Z stayed in bed until 1pm so I had a fun morning with Peepers.

Z made some awesome turkey meatballs and sauce last night. Very very good. Best part is - there's leftovers :)

So Ive decided to become a LCPB...licensed certified public bookkeeper...then after that get my CPA. The LCPB is the same level a CPA is at for accounting...both make great money...CPA makes more just because you are doing taxes and stuff...LCPB's dont file taxes, they just get everything ready for the CPA. It will take about a year to get through all the LCPB classes to become  certified...then after I can prove I've had 1000 hours of doing bookkeeping then I can take the National License. Im excited :) I dont particularly like working for other people - cant wait to have my own business again.

I wish I were in Aspen, or Park City, in a cabin with a wall of windows facing the ski lifts..sitting in front of the fireplace with my blanket and my Pride and Predjudice with a cup of something...Sounds delightful...

Day two...still alive...

So today was day number two of working out at 6am.... I am still alive and feeling great!!! I think what makes this possible is that I am up and exercising before my brain wakes up so I dont even realize what I did until I get home. It was a little harder to get up this morning, but I think that was because Peepers had a nightmare at 3am so my sleep was interrupted for about a half hour...but I did it. I even reached a personal goal!! I have this bad habit of for instance, if I am going to run for 20 minutes, I'll stop at like 16 minutes because "its close enough". Today, (and yesterday) I went for the entire amount of time for each segment. Quite proud of myself, thank you.

The only problem about working out in the mornings is that I am pumped and ready to go conquer the world. I want to go rock climbing, hiking, camping, or in todays instance go to a jazz festival...but then I must come to work. I dont mind, I like what I do, but if I was a millionaire, I would be outside. Alot. And it isnt helping that today the sun FINALLY peeked its head out of the monsoon that we've been having and its not very cold. Oh well. One day :)

Oh ya, I have to tell you about a long lost item that I have just re-discovered....frozen go-gurts. I grew up on these, loved them, ate the crap out of them, then moved out, got poor and forgot about them. Then the other day at the store, I was trying to get some new things for Peepers to eat, because some days we have to convince him food is not going to kill him...I stumbled upon them!! So I took them home and froze them. Now, Peepers has his "ickeams" (ice cream) that is actually yogurt so Im fine if he eats as many as he wants...and I have a 70 calorie dessert!!! Normally I would be making double fudge brownies with buttercream frosting...now that I am working out and trying to get toned...I cant do that anymore..so frozen yogurt it is!!! I am so happy. I just have to buy a lot of them now because Zac has discovered the frozen goodness as well. And when he likes something....its gone before I even get any of it.

Gosh I feel good. What an awesome feeling. Wonder why it took me so long to get back in the saddle.

6am rocks!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok normally you would NEVER hear me say that...however....I just got my gym membership and like I said I'd do, I was up at 6, left at 6:15 and was on the elliptical by 6:30. I did a 45 min workout...i need to leave 15 minutes earlier so I can get the whole hour in. OH MY GOSH I FEEL SO GOOD!!!

I'm even standing up straighter (thank you weight machines..) I love getting up early now. I started keeping a fitness journal too, recapping what workout I did and then a food intake chart below. My goal is to look good naked. Losing weight makes you look good in clothes, getting toned makes you look good naked. I dont need to lose any weight, I just need to get my tone back. I hate feeling fluffy.

I feel awesome. I even got in a 15 minute yoga session before my shower...why did it take me so long to do this?

ok i lied...

I lied..apparently I do have full-fledged anxiety today.

Monday, Monday...

Hi again. Time has flown this morning. Got to work at 8:30 and somehow its now 11am... Guess that means ive been productive if I havent looked at the clock for 2.5 hours..

Ive got a hint of anxiety, but its not too bad. I think I will attribute it to being hungry.

We had a good weekend this week. Saturday I only worked from 10-12 in the morning and then the sun FINALLY came out about 1pm so we went and took a day trip over to North Plains, OR to the Bamboo Gardens to buy some bamboo for Zac's woodworking habit. Its was nice to get out of the house.

Sunday we were going to go to church for Sacrament meeting then head up to the hotsprings, but there was too much snow on Mt Hood so we decided to go to church for all 3 hours...but then Saturday night my visiting teacher and her husband (who is zacs home teaching partner) stopped by and asked to do the VT and HT on Sunday so we said ok...so much for the hot springs anywho...but then Sunday morning came and I realized that we had a disaster of a house to clean before we had them come over so we skipped church and cleaned house...only to find out that neither one of them were coming over due to cancellations of families for Home Teaching and a schedule mix-up for Visiting Teaching. So I made muffins and tea and surfed Pinterest for the day.

The weekend kindof flew by...Im not sure why. Tonight I get my gym membership!!! I am taking over Zac's pass since we have the weight bench and he is using that and not going swimming as often. I am so excited. For some reason I am automatically awake at 6am every day, even though i force myself to stay in bed until 7:45...so I figured that I may as well use the gym membership since im up so dang early anyways. I refuse to get a mom-butt. For some reason that is the only part of my body that responds only to cardio. Every other part does fine with calisthenics and weight lifting. My posterior is forcing me to run. Or rather, elliptical. I don't particularly care for running. Either way, I plan to remove the excess flatness of my rear one way or another.

Before I go get my membership though I am attending my co-workers jazz bootcamp. She is choreographing one number in the musical I am choreographing and she attends all my bootcamps, so I figured I'd go support her and have some fun as well!

I also am going this week to get stuff to open my Etsy store with. I WILL be a millionaire one day.

On that note, gotta get back to work :)

Slush.

3am is a sucky time to go to sleep. Especially when you have to wake up at 7:30. It snowed last night (YAY!) but its about 40 degrees to day (BOO.) And we have blinds on our bedroom window but I havent finished the curtains yet. There is a street light across the parking lot that I've gotten used to that lights up the room at night...but with the snow on the ground it was like a flood light in the room. Sleep was not easy to come by. Although when I did I had an awesome dream about having long hair.

I dont think we will get any more snow...its too warm. Seattle is getting pounded with snow. Our town declared it a snow day for the schools. I work across the street from my house so even if there was a foot of snow I dont think I'd every get a snow day since I just have to walk 100 yards. Here's to hoping for more snow...in the hopes that I would get a snow day!

The snow is still here, but the roads are slushy. Very slushy. I'd rather drive in snow than slush. I am so tired. 2nd cup of caffeine...getting better....g'night...

SNOW!

Ok so it was more like a teensy little skiff of snow...but it was snow none the less. I wish it would just dump on us. Its january for petes sake. I got spoiled living in the mountains last year with huge flakes and 5 feet of the white stuff. We had so much fun. Peepers would definetely have a better time now since he is a little older,  but we had fun then too.

This morning flew by...then I went home and Z made a great lunch...I ate myself into a food coma...and am finally getting out of it. Now the afternoon is dragging a bit. But that is ok. As always, I am very thankful I have a job.

Which on that note, I probably should get back to work since this is the end of my break. I didnt time this blog very well..

There is a lot going on...

Im sorry I cant tell you about it yet - but there are decisions to be made and dance numbers to choreograph and prayers to be said...Hopefully I will have something better for you tomorrow.

Its 8am...does your body know where your brain is??? (nope. not yet)

Yesterday started the long days again... 8 hours of work then onto 2 hours of rehearsal. Luckily for me we dont start until 6:30 so i have time to go home and hang out with my family for an hour and a half. But then that still made for a really tired me at the end of the day. Z usually likes me pale but he said I looked sick-pale last night.
I feel fine aside from really sleepy.

I got so much done yesterday!!! I was so happy - these 2011 books are almost ready to go to the accountant!

I am also 3 days ahead of myself. Woke up thinking it was thursday. Not a great start to the morning, but o well.

We have $200 in our Europe account! Its a start - my point in being excited about it is that I actually put money IN the account. Feels good.

Have to go get new car tags today. I re-registered online before Christmas and still havent gotten them. Turns out that they got sent to our old address. So I have to go get new ones, hopefully free of cost since I already paid for the stupid things. I dont see the point in having to register vehicles anyways. (i know the reasons, Im just being unreasonable.)

I have to set up a conference room - sorry for the randomness...brain is starting to figure out that my body is awake.

Sleepy day

I will start off by saying that I did not get near enough sleep last night. Peepers started kicking at his door about 6am but i let him stay in there until 9am when i was able to peel myself out of bed. He is kicked back in the recliner with his honey toast and I am at the kitchen table thoroughly enjoying this morning. The sun is out and shining in my kitchen, I have a lovely cup of caffeine right by me and I am finishing off the milk duds from last nights movie. Plus we cleaned the entire house last night (except our room which never gets clean it seems) so its nice and peaceful.  Perfect. I am having a wonderful morning. There will be, however, a nap for me as soon as Peepers goes down.

We had the worst movie night last night. Dont get me wrong here, I love love love the classic books. I am a big Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, etc. fans. Sooo we got the latest adaption of Jane Eyre. I like that book. Every movie I've seen of it has been a little dull, but not bad. THIS one however, made by a Cory Fukanaga...is in true japanese style. There is 10% dialogue and 90% watching Jane mull things over and looking at her face while she just stands there not answering questions from the other characters. I heard that this version really delved into the Gothic, psychological part of Janes mind. From this perspective we find out that she is retarded. Plus it was like the writers took the cliff notes and made a movie about it.

We watched the 4th Pirates as well...they are milking that story so much. Johnny depp didnt even seem in character for most of it and the scenes were just a hodge podge of ideas. Was weird. It got better towards the end, but I wouldnt reccomend it.

Ok im being summoned to go cuddle and help Peepers watch a movie so I have to go - i'll be back later.

Hi

This pic has nothing to do with the post.

Sorry, I got busy at work yesterday...Well Im holding down the fort this mornin. I kinda wish it would stay this way. Its quiet. I think I may have to quit caffeine in the mornings. I think it may be contributing to my AM anxiety  and depression. Unless its normal to be slightly depressed in the morning? If I am at home I dont get it because I think I am kept too busy with Peepers to notice. But at work when its just me then I think I may have too little distraction and then I start to notice. Either that or I am just freakin tired. I need to go to bed earlier. I always say I would love a day to sleep in - but then that means I wake up at 9am. That is not really sleeping in to someone who used to spend until 4pm on  a saturday sleeping. (keep in mind that was elementary through middle school...and some highschool)

I wish Pandora would play the music I like. Some days they are spot on...other days like today they tend to get "creative" with crappy songs.

Well today is Thursday - 1st paycheck on the new payroll - Im official now. (hired, that is...) Didnt get much since it was only for a week - I started mid payroll cycle. Next check should be better :) My goal this year is that I wind up with a raise at my 6 month review.

Z and I are starting to put the plans together for a European excursion. We would like an entire month there, but I have a feeling we may have 2 weeks max. But if the latter is true then we will just have to take multiple trips. We have yet to figure out a starting point - we only came up with this 2 days ago.

Today is such a pajama day. I have no want to get dressed today - even though I did. Unfortunatly I have to look alive at work since I man the front desk.

This year I am getting our finances in order. I am re-starting up quickbooks and will be running our personal finances like a business again. Worked so well before. We had our own business years ago so I was already on QB and just decided to do ours. And then we moved, I got prego, and gave a valiant try at it again in 2009, but the events of that year really prevented me from caring. So I stopped. THIS year, however is going to be different. We are in a new place, a bigger place, I have room for organizing and I am going to be a millionaire in 30 years so I need to start keeping track of things and start actually using my budget. I am going to do this. Plus if were supposed to go to Europe I need to make sure we are actually saving something.

I am excited about this year. It is going to be a good one. I am also putting everything I get from the Theater in savings as well so that will be nice to actually have a savings account that has somehting in it.

I am so thankful that I have a job - so thankful that it is one I like too! The Lord really does provide - He's shown me that too many times to count and it makes me really happy that I am not alone in any of my ordeals or situations. I am so totally blessed. <3

Z was having a bad day the other day and went to go see a movie - I had a bad day and a horrible rehearsal so I was in a horrendous mood that night...I think it was Tuesday?? NOTHING had gone how I wanted it to, I was  waaaaaayy PMS-y and nothing got done. Anywho - I was fairly beside myself so I picked up my scriptures (1st time in months...i need to get better at it, I know..) and decided to read Proverbs 3, since it was the 2rd day of the month. (did you know there is a proverb for every day of the month?? proverbs only go to 31..)  I started reading and then hit verses 5-7:


5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7Be not wise in thine own eyes:


I have read this proverb many times in my life and only this past Tuesday did those 3 verses really hit home. I immediately felt better - still didnt change the fact that I had a horrible day, but it softened it to the point where I was ok with it and that I would start over again tomorrow. It is nice to have a manual for life. Sure does help.

Peepers is starting in on his new-found independence. We are starting to fight everything. Its his way or the highway. (the highway being time-out.) I know it is normal for this age, however I am loving the person who invented sending kids to their rooms for "quiet time". Love that kid to death but have no clue why he thinks that kicking walls and doors when he doesnt get his way accomplishes something.

Alright - on to work. Bye!

Its official...2012 is here.

I was thinking the other day about the past 2011....it seemed to go by so slow. I remember details about what I did...I remember things that went on in the news...and yet now that it is January...2011 flew by. My baby is almost 2 1/2.

Not to mention people are really getting  a jump on this year for some reason...I was at target picking up diapers yesterday afternoon and they have their entire summer bikini section out already. For Petes sake!! Its January! In Portland! ITS FRIGGIN COLD! Not to mention, who in their right mind wants to put a bikini on (or even think about it!!) after 2 weeks of gorging yourself on holiday food??? Seriously. Stupid merchandising.

So New Years was uneventful as planned. We were going to go to my best friends house to play games and eat, but they all woke up sick new years eve, and we did too so we stayed home and I made dinner and then we put Peepers to bed like normal, then Z played X-Box and I surfed Pinterest all night. That is the only way I made it until midnight. And then the fireworks started. I hate fireworks. They are so obnoxious. Unless you actually go see a show of them then they are just pointless noisemakers.

We trashed out tree last night, the house is slowly getting back to normal. Still a mess however. Started up rehearsals again at the theater so its definetely starting to feel back to normal around here.

I have to figure out where I left off at work now - sorry so short - Ive got end of the year stuff to get done. Happy New Year - its gonna be a good one!!